Lost my Dad 2 days before Christmas

On December 23rd 2023 my dad passed away in hospital my mum got a phone call that morning to come up to the hospital so I drove my mum there and she told me that she will phone me if there is any update by lunch time I got that phone call for me and my brother to make our way there on our way we had to drop my brothers kids back off at their mums due to my brother and the kids mum being separated I was already panicking at this point and my brother was calm and telling me to calm down when I was already fearing the worse by the time we got to the hospital it was too late dad was gone mum told me it happened the moment she got of the phone with me. I feel like it had hit me the hardest because for the last 9 years I was his carer due to dad having mobility issues and because I was struggling to find work I decided to become his full time carer in 2014 I would clean and change him when he would have an accident make him cups of tea, taking him to town for the book shop, haircut, doctor appointments and hospital appointments due to my mum and brother working full time as his mobility got worse over the years last year it led him being bed bound which led him being hoisted out bed when he wanted to get up and in August when I was getting dad dressed one morning I noticed his pelvis area was all red and hard so I got mum to phone the doctor and they said the best thing was to get him up to the hospital to get it checked out when I got that phone call in August to come up to the hospital the doctor gave dad at that point 24 hours to live because it turned out to be a really bad bacteria infection which has a very low survival rate as the days, weeks and months went on dad had impressed all the doctors and nurses due to be giving such bad news because all the tests they were doing to check the levels of infection was reducing and things were looking good so about October time the hospital moved dad to a smaller hospital due to him not needing such high level of treatment and possible talks of dad coming home. 2 months has passed and leading up to December 23rd dad was was really unwell had caught pneumonia twice he wasn't eat or drinking which caused him to lose weight couldn't even recognised him and I could barely get a conversation with him when I would go and visit him it was really hard for me to see him like that and like I said at the start on December 23rd dad passed away on Christmas Day my mum gave a present which was ment for dad but she and my brother thought it was best that I have it and it was a blanket and I have slept with it every night since I have had depression since March 2020 when we got put into lockdown and I feel it got better than what it was when I got into a relationship and when all the restrictions got lifted and it got bad again when dad went I would hardly talk to my family, my eating and sleeping got bad. Before the funeral in January when people would come to the house to pay their respects I would avoid everyone I wanted to be alone because I couldn't deal with it and since the funeral I would say my sleeping has improved and my eating has slightly improved but not by much it's been 4 months and I miss him every day I miss our banter over the football (Soccer) to see which team is going to win on derby day I'm a massive Glasgow Rangers and Manchester United fan while dad was a Celtic and Manchester City fan I can't remember the sound of his voice for when he needed my help with something and it feels like the rest of the family in the house in some way has moved on quicker than me and I am some times still struggling with everything and trying to make peace with it all.