My mom died in 2023
My mom died suddenly of a drug overdose almost 2 years ago. I was her medical surrogate power of attorney. The one tasked with making decisions when she couldn't. The day she died I saw her multiple times and knew she wasn't well. Begged her to let me take her to get help she and everyone I know said I was overreacting she was fine. She died before dinner. She died and she could have been saved had she just listened, had anyone just listened. I am angry so angry I wasn't heard. That she died because I wasn't someone she thought was informed enough. I miss her so much.
@courteousStrawberries447
This is so hard.. I'm sorry to hear you went through this. It's not easy to bear the thought that you could have saved her.. But you did everything you could and in the end it was her decision and you couldn't have done otherwise.. I wish your heart finds healing and peace. A hug❤❤
@courteousStrawberries447
🥺
What heartbreaking circumstances.
I'm sorry for your loss 🧡
May your mother rest in precious peace.
I'm sorry no one listened.
Your love for her is clear 🩷
@courteousStrawberries447
This is a situation where we can always understand. Overdose or using drugs no one who does drugs thinks they are so close. they think everyone is overreacting until it is too late. That was an incredible hard position to be in. Many medical decisions a power of attorney make are do we hook up to machines or extraordinary measures not judging if someone will pull out of too much drug of choice.
I’m really sorry you’re going through a painful time, which has brought this self condemnation . But the truth is that once it time for death, there is no amount of carefulness that can save at such time. Your mum most very proud of you wherever she is right now. However, she will remain restless until you forgive yourself and accept that it is her time to go. Stay strong , if you need more talk, am here for you
@courteousStrawberries447 I'm so very sorry for your loss, and it's clear you're still suffering with your grief and feelings of guilt. That's so rough -- I do hope you're taking care of yourself.
I've recently learned myself first hand that power of attorney is not the 'silver bullet' it might seem. And yet -unfortunately- it 'piles on' the guilt which is already a natural part of bereavement. Because it makes the attorney feel even more strongly that there ought to have been something they could've done. But there just isn't anything more which can be done in these circumstances -- the medical profession's threshold for deeming a person to lack capacity is totally different than you might think. So you couldn't have taken the decision away from your Mom, and you had no choice but to go along with her stated wishes. It's so sad that the outcome turned out the way that it did, but do please try not to see it as your fault -- it wasn't.
And as mentioned, please do take good care of yourself.
