My mom passed away this morning
Hi, I’m Tal. I recently lost my mom, and I’m trying to navigate the grieving process while handling all the emotions that come with it.
A bit of context: I’m autistic and have bipolar disorder, ADHD, and anxiety. I live at home with my dad and, before she passed, my mom, my younger brother (who’s also autistic), two dogs, and two cats. My parents were together for 34 years and had a loving, healthy relationship.
My mom struggled with alcoholism that started during the pandemic. I’m not sure if that was the main factor in her passing, but it definitely contributed. Regardless, we’re all in shock.
My dad is struggling to hold himself together while handling phone calls, paperwork, funeral preparations, and other logistics. He’s very independent and insists he can do things on his own, but I can’t help but worry about him. My younger brother is still processing everything. Our pets are pacing around the house, clearly looking for my mom or at least sensing that there’s been a huge change in the household.
Right now, I have so many emotions and thoughts running through me: the fact that my parents will never grow old together, the trips we’ll never take with her, and the Christmas presents my dad and I bought that she’ll never get to use. I’m scared for the future and unsure how we’ll live without her.
My mom was a sweet, intelligent, and open-minded person. She protected and supported us and was probably the best mother my brother and I could have. My dad was her partner for 34 years, and I know he’s deeply grieving too, even if he expresses it differently.
Even though we have a support system through family and friends, I still feel scared and vulnerable. I guess the best way I can describe it is feeling like I’ve regressed to a little kid trying to navigate the adult world without her mother.
I’m sorry if I'm not being coherant right now. I’m crying as I type this.
I just need some advice on what to do and how to help my recently-widowed dad.
@Pokefan46
Oh, I am so heartbroken to hear of the loss that you are facing. It is never easy to lose a parent at any age. I am sorry to hear that you all have lost your mother, who by all accounts sounds like she was a wonderful human being. I can tell that this has really caused you extreme grief and it is valid to cry and to not know what to do. It sounds like even though you are very sad and feeling broken, you are also looking ways to help your father and your brother as well as be there for the pets. The pets definitely know something happened, they are very attuned to our feelings. Loss is very personal and all you can do is let yourself feel what you feel. There is no linear timeline of what to expect as you grieve this sudden loss. It is important that you don't shut yourself away from your family as you grieve, you all need to try to lean on each other and find ways to support each other.
I remember when we lost my grandfather, a couple weeks after the loss, my siblings, cousin, and aunt gathered in the room with my grandmother, reviewed old photo albums and cried and laughed over memories. I don't know what kind of mementos you have or if this is something you feel up to doing at this point but maybe it could be an activity you all do eventually. Physically, yes, your mother is unfortunately gone, but you will always have the memories you shared with her, the little keepsakes she left, and the knowledge that she loved you.
Let me know if I could be of any support during this time.
@Pokefan46 I am SO sorry for your loss. That sounds extremely hard to be going through. Losing someone in our family to death can be so scary to process. Remember that you are not alone, and although it can be hard to know what to say to our family, just being there with one another can be healing within itself. They may be feeling different types of emotions than you, and that is okay. The pets definitely know what is going on too, and could probably use some extra cuddles right now (Which might be comforting to you). They experience emotions also, and tune in to their owner's feelings. If they were close to your mom as the main caregiver, it could be them grieving her. Remember what inspired you about your mother and make it a point to remind yourself that although life may end, love lives on forever. Don't hesitate to reach out if you need somebody to talk to, so that you are able to speak your emotions and truth to work through them.
