New girl looks like ex

Sorry, what's the problem. Are you worried people will say that you have a "type." It's okay to date people that look similar. If people mention it, just say it's a coincidence. Or you can point out that each has their own unique features (which i'm sure is true). If you're attracted, then you can reach out. Just remember that a successful relationship is not just based on physical attraction.

@toughPapaya1551 Hi tough. Thanks for being brave enough to share how you are feeling. I think it's a wise thing that you are actually being aware with how you feel inside. Losing a partner can be hard, but I'm glad you are open to the idea and possibility of considering another. You don't sound like an A-hole to me with your statement. It could very well be the truth for you. Just remember that while this new person may look similar or remind you of your ex that she is not your ex. She is beautiful and unique in her own way. I have no idea why sometimes people fall in attraction with people that remind them of someone so I won't even try to understand. All I can say is that you deserve to be happy. I hope you make a decision that you can be happy with. Please take care of yourself and best of luck to you.

@toughPapaya1551

Hi Papaya! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for creating this forum post and for reaching out! I know it takes a great deal of courage to do so at times. I commend you my friend!

So, it sounds as if you have met a new person and have the opportunity to potentially, form a deeper connection with them if you would like for this to move forward? I think that is wonderful! 😊

What I also think is quite wonderful is you being cognizant of your feelings and emotions associated with someone that appears to be physically similar to your ex. I don't think that you are doing anything wrong by noticing this as well as noticing that they might be the 2.0 version, lol 😊, at least physically. You have the gift of eyesight. How would one not notice these things? I commend you, once again!

What I also hear is you saying "when I look at her, my heart breaks". How so? In what way? Do you pity your ex for not being a better person? Do you feel sorry for your ex for not being able to maintain a long term relationship with you due to their faults?

Do you look at this new person and it's a painful reminder of things that just didn't work out as you intended with another person? These are good things to consider.

Someone that looks so very similar could involve you "projecting" onto them, thoughts, feelings, emotions, from your past relationship that they were never a party to ergo the "I look at her and my heart breaks".

I think knowing or considering what I mentioned above could be helpful if you would like to move forward with this new person. Perhaps with time, getting to know them better as a special, wonderful and unique individual would help? If you give this a chance and get to know them better, they may have the opportunity to eventually "stand in their own right" even if there are distinct physical similarities.

My friend, I applaud your self awareness with this situation! Clearly you are a deep thinker, highly introspective.

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️

@toughPapaya1551 Man you sound like you need her, not want her. My best decisions about women were made when I was tuned in to myself, especially in college days.

You're better off alone than diving into a relationship for the kicks, or even counting on it as a supposedly win-win possibility. You don't know her. You met her on a dating app.

I dumped two girls when I was younger and now I regret doing that. They were really good women on many levels. After that, all my relationships turned out to frustrate me in many ways. And healing from frustration is not something you can fix with a magic pill - which would eventually bring you back on your feet right away, or to how you used to be or feel long before the s** had hit the fan.

You're better off alone always - I don't mean family members here, they'll be there for ya in most cases. If that's not possible, take any initial relationship with a handful of grains of salt. After all, if you have no trouble being alone, or, in other words, if you have a handle on how to deal with having and not having someone on your side, you'll always be at a good distance from frustration, deceit and silly mistakes.

Hope this helps.

Cheers.

Sounds like you’ve met someone you’re interested in! Great. Nothing wrong with this person looking like your ex in my opinion, she isn’t your ex and I bet pretty soon the similarities will be less apparent. They’re individuals after all. I think if you’re interested in pursuing, go for it and see what happens!