The Grief I feel
I’ve seen lots of posts about people who grieve for people. For loved ones, and I feel so sad reading all those and I’m sorry for all of every single persons loss.
But out of curiosity I wanted to share mine with you people and o wanted to ask, do you also feel those griefs?
I grieve a vision of myself that has never existed, like a person u never were and that youre never going to be. I grieve for looking at myself in a good way. Not worrying about a kg, not worrying about grades, not worrying about achievements or anything.
I grieve feelings ive never experienced. I wanna know how it feels being on a drug which makes me feel some kind of thing I grieve for.
I grieve moments that maybe should’ve went different, or that should’ve felt different. I grieve the pain, the cry’s I let out when I self harm, everytime I try to recover. The safe feeling I get from things I know that r bad for me.
I grieve a weird type of love that ive never been able to feel. I can’t describe what it is, but it’s not the kind of love that leaves but the kind I never let myself believe I deserved. I grieve softness which I won’t let trough my doors, which I harden.
And probably the most grieve success.
It’s probably normal, or am I tweaking?
@hannahdeftones
There are all valid griefs that I relate to very strongly.
Grieving for the version of me that will never exist.
It's a heavy burden to bear.
@hannahdeftones "Thank you so much for sharing such a deeply personal and honest post. I want to assure you that you are not 'tweaking' at all—what you are describing is a very real and valid form of grief.
Grief isn't just about losing a person; it's about the loss of any significant part of life, and that absolutely includes the loss of a potential future, a hoped-for identity, or desired experiences.
What you're feeling is sometimes referred to as ambiguous loss or disenfranchised grief, because it's a loss that isn't openly acknowledged by society, which can make it feel isolating.