Trying to understand if what I'm feeling is right.

@greenDay4711

i am sorry for your loss but as you write you were the first one to get sick.... are you sure ......as many did not even have symptoms if they did get Covid.... i knew people whom all tested negative to go to an event and the event became a super spreader  because we still do not have clear information on this virus.     

even if you were the first noticeable case in your circle ,,,,,,,,,that does not mean she contracted from you... the reality is with other conditions and  medical issues........ covid was much more serious and the world lost many because some could not fight virus once caught.... blaming yourself does nothing but cause you misery.  honor her by living your best life as she as a mom hoped for instead of self blame for something out of your control. 

@greenDay4711

im so sorry about the loss of your mom.  There is no right or wrong way to feel or grieve.  Your feelings are just that- your feelings.  And you have the right to feel whatever you need or want to feel.  One thing I want to reassure you of is that your moms death was not your fault even if you were the first person in your household to get sick.

@greenDay4711

Hey <3 *sits with you if okay* I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother :( I get a sense you feel guilt and responsibility for her passing. Your emotions and feelings matter friend. I can understand why you would feel that way. Loosing a loved one is so difficult and it stays with us over the years, like they sit in our heart more or often. The world can feel so empty without that person, and we end up blaming ourselves for things and feeling like it was our own fault. Its such painful companion to be around, that deep feeling of responsibility for someone's passing. I hear you friend. I see you. 💛

"grief is like living two lives. One is where you pretend that everything is alright and the other is where your heart silently screams in pain" <3 

Bunny