Support Protocol on Dissociative Behavior in Group Support Rooms

Hello, my name is Ace. I am the Primary Protector of the Full House System.

Looking at this update, I can't say we are satisfied. We are far from it. We remain confused, and we continue to be hurt by this new protocol. Perhaps it is May's terrible comprehension skills, but this "update" is unclear. If alters are not allowed in chat rooms, I do not need it to be worded kindly, I need it to be worded *clearly*. Vague language and easy cop-outs simply *aren't good enough*, at this point in the fight.

I am not going to speak on how this protocol is offensive and/or discriminatory, since many others have already voiced that.

As Primary Protector, I have given up the life I've always wanted to protect May. I want to wear a graduation cap and wrap my fingers around a degree paper. I want to look in the mirror and not be haunted by dysphoria. I want the unimaginable weight and responsibility to be lifted off my shoulders. I want to be a 15-year-old boy, I want to play sports and go downtown with other highschoolers. I want to go to a pride parade, holding the hand of my boyfriend. I want to go to the mall or an amusement park without being triggered. I want to meet a panda and eat a macaron in the colors of System Pride.

But I can't have all of those things. Simply because I exist the way I do. I have given up almost everything I've ever wanted to protect my system. I will not waste it on a community that does not fully accept us. I did not sacrifice my life for vague protocols and re-writes. I will not accept less than *perfection*. Because my life is so far from it.

Some more general things I want: I want to walk out my front door without being judged. I want to wake up in the morning with the same rights as everyone else. I want to breathe fresh air without being burdened. I want to be happy without feeling guilty. I want to feel validated without being selfish. I want to exist outside of a movie theatre, if Split is the new premiere. I want to list everything I want without being told I'm complaining. If you think I'm complaining, I'm not. I'm stating everything I can't have, so you open your eyes and realize the massive amount of privilege you do have.

We ask that this protocol be massively clarified and revised- before I have to to make some difficult decisions for my system.
Thank you. -Ace

@Austin904 @JainaS @Itisbailey @WeedyGarden @Sunflower2480 @adventerousBranch3786 @Hyacinth22 @PeaceLoveandPaws @AstronomySkies @spectacularSunrise7824 @memelord500 @JaytheNinja @Joe33 @Animals4life111 @AffyAvo @CaptainRex @LightDragon @HoneyBubbleTea @knockoffWolf @hillsideblues @wonderfulMagic99 @loyalTree3713 @g0dzillaisskywalking @aLightInTheDark3 @RevanentOfTriquetra @ListenerSpaceman @TortueDesBois

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I apologize if you have already received this message from someone else-- I thought I would pass it on just in case. @sadleafycupl will be writing a post explaining the problems with the new DID protocol and asking for consistent communication about the steps being taken to fix this problem, addressed to the higher ups at 7cups. Here is sadleafycupl's message: �

Hello, I was wondering if you would like to send me some of your thoughts on the new DID protocol for one mass message/ forum post in which we hope to have others collaborate on as well. If you know anyone else who would like to contribute please have them pm me

Hi can someone explain me this new update i dont understand it im sorry but im dumb

I want my DID friends in my group. Don't banish them, they belong too.

@Hope �@memelord500 @Fireskye13 @CaptainRex @Joe33 @Fullhousesystem @sadleafycup @knockoffwolf @Hyacinth22 @AnimalsForLife111 @ThePizza @sunflower2480 @RevanentOfTriquetra

�While we can understand where they're coming from in terms of tailored support for specific issues, we think the whole thing of not letting people with alters or people who dissociate in group rooms as unfair and discriminatory. It wasn't a very clearly worded or clearly expressed post, so there was a lot of confusion around it in which could have been avoided. It made a lot of people frustrated and stressed out, also angry, which wasn't helped when people weren't replied to regarding their questions. �We think it's ridiculous, our friends have left because they felt unwanted. Many of our friends have DID and now they can�t talk to us or get group support because of it. Many of us just wish for the rule to go away. It feels like they think DID is the infection and cups is the body and the rules are the medicine to get rid of it. �So many of us find it repulsive, discriminating,and find the wording of the protocol (both the updated and previous version) to be extremely vague. �We feel this policy is disrespectful, and discriminating against people with not only DID, but all dissociative disorders. As well as being completely unsupportive and not to mention just rude. We personally feel like this is an attack on the entire mental health community and specifically those with dissociative disorders. �We have friends with dissociative disorders here on 7 Cups. We never thought we would lose them to something easily avoided and fixable. In the beginning, many of us were confused about DID. You know changed that? Interaction when we spoke to a friend's alter or even just to the host of the system. We finally understood it. We request the rule makers of 7cups to please interact with people who have dissociative disorders, understand them, and then make the rules. We all are humans. Humans are intelligent beings. We communicate with others to make them understand our side of a coin, and to understand their side of the coin. So many of us do not understand why this new protocol even came into existence without talking to people with dissociative disorders. Their opinions and feelings were not asked before this protocol. Please communicate with systems. Making an important decision about all � members with dissociative disorders without taking their opinion into consideration does not seem fair. We ask for you to please try and communicate, understand their side, help them understand your side. You are weighing a few peoples slight convenience over some people's mental health or even lives as a whole. Plus, it's so unclear that it's hard to tell what you mean but best we can tell is that alters are no longer allowed in chat rooms and anyone with alters might not be allowed. It feels, and is, like kicking people out of shelter. It gets rid of the meaning that 7 Cups holds dear - community, welcoming, and inclusion, respect and equality, and that people are free to be themselves. � We understand that we need to think about the whole community and keep in mind the needs of everyone. So what seems to be a good compromise to me, is what certain leaders (mods) are already doing in rooms, and adding a dissociative disorder specific group chat room. �From Littles not being allowed in chat rooms, to all alters now facing the same, we are feeling more and more excluded every day. We joined 7 Cups in search of a safe, inclusive, and validating community. However, slowly but surely, this ideal seems to be slipping through the cracks of equality. We �hope to stand for every single system on this site when we �say: �We will not be silenced. We will not be overlooked, we will not be ignored. We will not be shoved to the sidelines, or kept in the dark where we've hidden for too long. �This site's purpose was to offer people a safe place, away from the discrimination of the real world if I remember correctly. Offering them a safe space, lending an ear to listen, and being there for them regardless of who they are. �On the teen side, we did talk about this issue a lot. It was more of a safety concerning issue for both parties involved– the person who's experiencing the dissociative symptoms (which could be anyone by the way, it doesn't tie only to DID) and the other teens feeling kind of uncomfortable regarding the age regulations and yada yada. What was concerning wasn't the presence of the teens dealing with DID and other dissociative disorders, it was certain more specific aspects, like alters who are adults, and breaking rules. The latter could be done by any other person, not necessarily experiencing any dissociative symptoms or even any other disorder. By implementing these new rules, protocol, call it whatever, you're not helping in any way. This protocol is completely vague. many loopholes, and not well-thought or well-written or even well-explained points. Which causes even more confusion around the site. It's obvious that many people, even the ones who complained about the age regulations and adult alters issue, are clearly against this. By banning a whole category of people, a whole group of �human beings, �you are not doing any good. This does not solve the age regulations issue effectively, but it's more of a discriminative rule that makes what once was a safe space for these people, a nightmare. These people are being discriminated upon in the real world. So they come here, only to be discriminated upon too? Are we forgetting the main purpose of this site? And going towards building a community that is the exact same as the real world? That spreads hate and discriminates? Is that what we're doing now? Things are just getting more and more difficult for the community of systems on this site. It hurts to see so many people absolutely devastated by this policy. We are assuming that much of it is error in wording and communication, but even still, this negatively impacted everyone that we have spoken with in group support rooms since then. Some of our �closest friends are a part of a system on here, and we have come to know them well. They have great communication within their system and with others regarding switches, dissociation, and what needs to be done to ensure their comfort and safety. They complied �immediately with the age rules, though it clearly hurt them. This is just too much. We have �seen many people say they are considering leaving 7Cups because of the detriment that this has done to our community. � How can we better manage the community here on 7Cups to ensure support of everyone? This is the most important question to ask ourselves at any time, regardless of this recent update. This policy does serve to answer the question! We can now see that it's "Not like this." Yes, we �jest, but we �do believe that this undermines the support received by the �community of systems �on the site (we would �like to remind everyone that it is not just those with DID who have systems). What we had before this was certainly certainly lacking in some areas, but as for this topic in particular, it made sense. Alters in crisis should be treated as such, and while it does seem to do more harm than good, we understand the reason for the age restrictions on alters. We �propose we allow systems to fully participate in group support, including for support regarding dissociative disorders. � �It is our understanding that the purpose of this new protocol was to improve the experiences of members in chat rooms and to take safety precautions, which is a good thing to work on. But the solution that was reached is not an appropriate one. There is a lot of confusion and hurt surrounding the new protocol for the community of systems here on 7cups; many did not find the post to be clearly worded and after reading some responses to the post, and it sounds as though the staff of the Trauma community (which is the parent community of the DID community) were not consulted before this decision was made, nor were any systems who use this site. Excluding one group from the chat rooms where they can get support is not an acceptable solution. Telling other members to report any systems participating in chat rooms in a way that is against this new protocol is not an acceptable solution-- because the protocol is not appropriate, not because we should let people get away with breaking the rules. Dissociative disorders such as DID, OSDD, and DDNOS are barely discussed in society; when they are, it is almost always the spreading of harmful stereotypes and misinterpretations of the disorders that paint a picture of dangerous criminals and "monsters". We are not suggesting that every single alter in every single system is perfect, because they aren't. But among people without these disorders there is not a single person that is perfect either. Alters are human beings just like the rest of us-- except nonhuman alters, but all alters still deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and validation. For many systems, 7cups is the only place where they are validated and accepted for who they are; here, systems can be unashamed of being a system. But if this protocol is enforced, systems will be excluded, and their one safe space and place of refuge will be gone. Please don't take a safe place for systems away from 7cups. To us it seems like you were trying to do a good thing with this protocol, but you are continuing to get negative feedback surrounding it. Please, listen to the community and work with them to make positive changes. Communication and collaboration with systems and the people who staff the Trauma community and DID community will ensure that a fair and just solution is met. We are good friends with people from different systems here, and we can assure you that this has had a deep negative impact on them. We do not want them to leave the 7cups community because they feel unwelcome or discriminated against here. That is the opposite of the mission of 7cups. Talking to systems and staff members here at 7cups will give a better insight of what the dissociative disorders community needs. Thank you for reading our words. Please take action to fix this.

(credit is given to the collaborative writiers based on the color of their tag and the color of the corresponding �section)

@memelord500 @Fireskye13 @CaptainRex @Joe33 @Fullhousesystem @sadleafycup @knockoffwolf @Hyacinth22 @AnimalsForLife111 @ThePizza @sunflower2480 @RevanentOfTriquetra

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Are you guys going to banish me for having depersonalization/derealization too?

@Hope I'm not sure what this means. Can you please clarify what dissociative behaviours take away from the therapeutic nature of the rooms?

Is this about things like age groups and behaviour that in general is against the group rules? Or is this meant to include a wider range of behaviours?

@Hope

Excluding a whole community from a support website is not very accepting. 7cups was meant to accept and support all. You are probably thinking that alters would be mean or something. Well, that is just a stereotype. Normal people can be offensive too. What happens when people who don't have DID are offensive?

A Community Moderator warns them or mutes them if they don't stop. Why can you not do the same for DID Systems? Why do you have to just prohibit them for participating in group chats?

One day, my friend and I were speaking about the host of her system. A modertor said that we shouldn't talk about someone who's not present. They asked the mod, Why can the host speak about alters, why can't the alter speak about the host.

I believe that DID Alters are guests to our world. Since they live in the inner world. Is this a way to treat guests? DID systems face discrimination, people are sometimes mean to communities like DID and LGBT communities. They finally found a community where they were accepted and now they aren't allowed to be a part of this community. They have feelings. They are people. They are NOT someone who you can treat any differently than other people.

The inner world isn't some virtual or abstract world. It's a reality. In this reality, DID Alters are NOT accepted much. You accepted them once, and now you don't. They don't deserve this. What did they do to deserve this treatment. Do you have any idea how much trauma they have to deal with. Do you have a idea how bad it must feel when you forsake so many things for the well-being of your host, and yet, you are not treated normally? These people, have suffered enough!

While I believe the admins are making the desicion with our best interests in mind, it is somehow quite disturbing that one of the major traumatic disorders, DID is just ignored and banned from getting support.