[TW] Emo’s little emotional corner 🥲

@mytwistedsoul @emotionaltalker2260 @selflessspruce1515

Get in, people! 🤗❤🤗❤

*hugs*

Soul & apricot:

sorry i am not really chatty atm. My meds aren’t currently working and my depression is baddddddd *hugs* love ya’s 💖

@GoldenNest2727 - I know you are a lurker D: btw the next post is about whats wrong.

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou @BlueDarkAurora @VaryingCloud

*group hugsssss* 🤗💖💖💖💖💖

Love you all 💖

TW: SH (self harm), Death, mentions of suicide, abandonment, abuse (sexual abuse), drugs, alcohol, funerals

so yesterday, I reached 2 weeks of no sh, and of course within an hour of that achievement I had to go relapse 🙄 the night before that, i had an awful sh dream which triggered a whole day of not being able to stop thinking about sh. The morning before that, I woke up very disturbed. I’m sure I heard my bio mum’s (bio mum is dead) scream, like it sounded like someone was dying and at the time I heard it, I didn’t know if it was real and happening irl or not. Turns out it was a flashback noise :( no wonder why I don’t like hearing screaming or screeching. And ever since I turned 18.. I’ve been thinking about how crappy my childhood actually was. I mean, my first 3 years were traumatic, i was abandoned, fed alcohol as a forking toddler, neglected by suicidal bio dad who is still alive and wants nothing to do with me, was in a car crash that ended up killing my bio mum, and a psychotic ex-step dad who is still on the chase after me. Anyways, I’m not okay. I’ve been having more and more flashbacks from when I was a toddler. And from the stories I have heard, my bio mum was sexually abused, so I guess the flashback with the scream came from that. And the fact one or both of my fathers where druggies.. I was also born very underweight as my bio mum was anorexic. So I never had a great childhood.. and the more I look back at how I acted, honestly, i had anxiety and depression from a very young age, but it became more apparent when my nana passed away. That completely broke me. I still remember standing in the hospital crying and my mum stupidly asking me if I wanted to see my nana one last time when I was already very upset.. I remember staring at the carpet at my nana’s funeral, I remember the sounds I made when I was hyperventilating at the funeral 💀 (gotta love sounding like a pig on steroids..) and the fact I’ve been on and off sh for over a year.. :( yeah, I’m getting sent back to my old psychologist for many reasons. But the reason why I’m on antidepressants is because I’m not very mentally stable. I mean, I’m still sh-ing, I have little will to live at times (not active) and some days, are just so hard.. that I actually think about sending myself to a psych ward instead of doing dumb things. Anyways, that’s enough for today..

Could potentially be a triggering song. But quite a lot of the lines say how I feel.

I don’t belong here

its hard sometimes. Being humankind

I’m sick of running

so far behind, no finish line

Tw swearing and mentions of self harm

I’m fucking done with so much fucking shit, I’m fucking done with how I fucking cope. I fucking hate everything. Fuck everything.

Today was eventful 😂 this is what happened:

1. Caught a bus uptown, then walked to the bakery to actually go eat something (🤡) and to get a Powerade so I wouldn’t die from walking big distances 😂

2. I walked to my local psych ward

3. I had to fill out a forking form 😂 and then I panicked while waiting (that was funnnn 🤩🙄🙄🙄) (didn’t help my headphones decided to fucking die on me)

4. I ended up talking to someone

5. Walked back to the bus stop to only realise I missed my bus 💀 and I wasn’t bothered paying over $20 for a fucking cab. So I walked home 😂

6. I died on my doorstep (joke). I was exhausted and my feet hurted so much from walking so much 😂

I’m a bit scared for tomorrow though. The psych ward has meetings where they talk about those who’ve they’ve seen for the day. And idk what’s going to happen. Looks like my destiny is in the hands of that nurse and a bunch of doctors and a psychiatrist ✌🏻🤩👍🏻

Fml. 😂 anyways, if anyone needs me. I’ll sleep in a coffin tonight because I’m so dead (just kidding). Man I gotta stop the dark humour 😭 anyways. I look like a zombie, like I’m burnt out, real bad