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I thought at least school would be safe (tw homophobia)

User Profile: cammyleigh123
cammyleigh123 October 16th

I was in science yesterday and somehow the topic of queer people being killed in foreign countries came up and of course I tuned in because I'm in that community and I was hoping for the teacher to advocate against that or make a point to say how it was wrong instead of just bringing it up like the weather for no reason but he didn't. nobody did. a bunch of kids were saying "that's fire" and talking about it being a good thing and the teacher didn't say anything and I'm scared. and then he brought up everyone's names and pictures on the big screen and everyone saw my dead name and I hated it. I'm so scared. I've never had anyone say that people like me should be killed other than on TV and the teacher heard and didn't do anything and now I'm scared. those kids get into fights what if they beat me up for being gay?? I'm so scared. I told my mom and she said everything has a reason and I have to live with that because I'm gay but what's the reason for that?? it hurts. I'm scared. I don't want to go to school.

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla October 16th
@cammyleigh123 that's awful, I'm so sorry, you don't deserve any of this. You deserve to be seen and supported for who you are, you deserve to be safe, especially in supposedly safe spaces like school and family. And yet the people around you don't seem to understand. Making spaces unsafe isn't just about being actively harmful, it's also about not stepping up when safety is threatened. Your teacher should have said something and chose not to do so, and it was their duty to step up.

I hope nothing and no one will ever end up making you feel unworthy of love and support: I know it's hard to endure this and it can get to your head, but your own self-love is something they can never take away from you.

I also hope you can eventually find your own safe space. Supportive and welcoming people are out there, even if sometimes they seem impossible to find. As you grow up, becoming more independent will make it easier to look for and find more acceptance and places to feel genuinely safe. And even before that, there might be other supportive people around you right now, maybe they're simply quiet because they're scared of judgement, but who's to say you won't find each other?
User Profile: cammyleigh123
cammyleigh123 OP October 17th

@Aayla

thanks. I really hope I find somewhere I can be open and okay with myself. I'm in the pride club at school but we have like 7 members and only 4 who actually show up and everyone else makes fun of us. I'm pretty anxious so I'm not that close with the other members. I want that to change. I don't get why people have to hate me for something I cant control. I feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't know how to fix it. 

User Profile: Aayla
Aayla October 18th
@cammyleigh123 you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. Unfortunately, sometimes people feel the need to belittle others, just so they can feel better about themselves. With minorities, it's easier, because people think we're an easy target. That's why it's so important to not give up and not give them the satisfaction to make you feel bad about yourself. 
The pride club at your school is a start, maybe it's not what you hope it would be, but the few people that joined it already did something really brave. Maybe, knowing that you're there will inspire other people to take a bold step and join too. Fingers crossed!
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User Profile: Remina
Remina October 16th

@cammyleigh123


I am so sorry to hear that happened in your school, Cammy. It's understandable that you're scared and don't want to go to school anymore. I am sorry that your mother reacted like that. Is your mom normally supportive?


User Profile: cammyleigh123
cammyleigh123 OP October 17th

@Remina

I don't usually talk about it with her or in general at home but she doesn't really think I'm lesbian just that I'm bi or doing it for attention. she said that I have to accept people aren't gonna like me because "I'm choosing an alternative lifestyle" and just hearing her say that hurt so bad. 

User Profile: Remina
Remina October 17th

@cammyleigh123

Gosh, I can understand how those words would hurt coming from your mother. It is unkind. I am sorry that your mother is like this. Is there any safe adults or people in your life right now?

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User Profile: EnchantingVoice6361
EnchantingVoice6361 October 17th

@cammyleigh123

Hello Cammy, reaching out to a trusted adult about a frightening situation shows strength. I understand how disorientating and alarming it can feel when others don't treat serious topics with care. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported--especially during class time. 

User Profile: affectionateShade7072
affectionateShade7072 October 17th

@cammyleigh123 School is usually safe, but awareness and discernment will move a child through school well at light speed. I used these myself when i kept getting buillied at school which was almost every week at one point. I got into alot of fights, but i feel good about msyelf because of awareness and discernment. 

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