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Am I bi or am I lesbian

User Profile: BumbleBeeHB
BumbleBeeHB August 23rd

I'm 29 and only just starting admit to myself I'm interest in women and questioning if I was ever attracted to men. I am neurodiverse and have assumed that my lack of enjoyment and interest in intimacy was due to being autistic and ADHD rather than who it was with.

I have never felt fully comfortable with a man in a relationship and am wondering if i was just with them because it is what I was taught to do. I have also never been with a woman to find out for sure. I have kissed girls when I was in school at parties but never thought anything of it, however I know now I am attracted to some women. I have been quietly looking at them my whole life and was telling myself I was just appreciating their beauty.

I have also found myself jealous of lesbian couples and their relationships but never understood why. I think I might be more into women but how do I know or find out if i have never been with one.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla August 24th
@BumbleBeeHB From an outside perspective, what you are describing seems pretty much like a lesbian woman who's been dealing with heteronormativity and a long process of discovering what attraction truly feels like. If looking back you find that you've never actually been truly attracted to men, and you're still not attracted to them now, then your past experiences don't mean you're bi. Your orientation is based on what you feel, not what you do. So if you feel attracted to women and not to men, despite having only been in relationships with men, that's still enough for you describe yourself as lesbian! Maybe things might become clearer to you as you gain more experience, but experience is not mandatory in order for you to describe your orientation. Your feeling are more than enough.

But of course, you're the only one who can truly determine what your identity is. Navigating all of this can be confusing, I know, but one thing it's important to know about labels is that sexual orientation is simply whatever you feel describes you best. You're the only one who can say what your label is, there's really no right or wrong answer, as long as you feel like the label you give yourself describes you better than others.
1 reply
User Profile: BumbleBeeHB
BumbleBeeHB OP August 24th

Thank you for the response. I have been feeling that maybe I'm lesbian but also don't want to feel like an imposter and just feeling really confused. At the same time though I dont think I'm into men at all.

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User Profile: aquaLion1074
aquaLion1074 August 24th

@BumbleBeeHB

Hey I was in a similar position where I didn't even know the word lesbian existed. When I learned what it was I realized that the men I thought I liked were just close friends and nothing more. Soon I accepted that I was lesbian and it felt right, so hearing what you wrote I think you are lesbian. Just think of you've ever actually liked a man romantically than swap. I believe you'll figure this out! 🏳️‍🌈

2 replies
User Profile: BumbleBeeHB
BumbleBeeHB OP August 24th

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has felt this way. I almost feel like being nearly 30 I should have figured that out by now but I think I just wasn't being honest with myself.

1 reply
User Profile: aquaLion1074
aquaLion1074 August 24th

@BumbleBeeHB

Hey even in your almost 30 doesn't mean you can't realize/uncover more about yourself! 

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User Profile: PicklesANDOcean4ever
PicklesANDOcean4ever August 26th

@BumbleBeeHB I used to feel the same way as you (not with girls just people in general) and you can just feel it sometimes and you don't have to label yourself if that's something you feel pressured to do. if youve only ever felt something towards women then you probably are a lesbian but if you feel comfortable I would say experiment and see if men were really just the issue or not but warning I'm only 16 so what do I know (I also have ADHD so I think you might understand my rambling that probably doesn't make sense lol) 

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