Pride 2023 Stories Around the Campfire
We are deep into Pride month now! I hope you’ve all been having fun joining in our other events full of positive words or colourful rainbows! This week I wanted to take some time to welcome everyone in the community to take a moment to share and connect over our various experiences as part of the LGBTQ+ Community.
This thread is about short stories from everyone in the community. It can be about your questioning, coming out, dealing with hatred, finding love, this is a space to share some of your experiences, the good and the bad. If you want to go into more detail perhaps you can even write your own thread sharing in greater detail and link to it here too!
I invite you to take some time, reflect on your experiences and then join us around the virtual campfire to share a story or two of your journey.
(Image consists of a fire burning in the colours of the rainbow.)
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:: Questioning ::
Hmm...So, never thought about my sexuality until I was maybe... 9-10 years old. I stumbled across adult lesbian material compared and...I knew I had an attraction to women but didn't want to have that attraction. Felt nothing for boys, even though my friends would be boy crazy and have little boyfriends in grade school.
I've also questioned my gender identity and had extreme gender dysphoria when I was about 13-14 years old. I was Female-to-Male(FtM) trans for a couple of years, then I detransitioned back to a woman maybe when I was late teens to early 20s.
:: Coming Out ::
I never "came out" as a lesbian when I thought I was one.
I never "came out" as a trans boy either when I thought I was one (I passed pretty well, people assumed I was a biological boy).
But...When I discovered I was bisexual...I did end up coming out (accidentally) when I was in my early 20s. I was drunk and sad about having to cut my brothers from my life, they were hyper religious back in the day. Told them all I was bisexual.
Nowadays? I don't really "come out". I only tell people I'm dating that I'm bisexual, because I don't want it to be a surprise. Not everyone is interested in dating bisexual people, and that is OK, just have to move on. I hardly talk about my sexuality. Only briefly will go "Oh so-and-so is cute" and that sorta hints at my attraction.
I'm not the type to scream it in the roof tops or tell everybody my business.
I keep it to myself for the most part(unless it has to do with courting/dating someone, of course I'll let them know).
:: Dealing with Hatred ::
I grew up in a dysfunction/abusive household.
I almost got a beating for "looking gay" by my overt NPD father once when my covert NPD mother cut my hair into a pixie cut.
My father was also against me wearing makeup or girly clothes, while my mother tried strongly to get me to wear makeup and girly clothes to not "embarrass" her...She was physically & verbally abusive.
I have no contact with any of my intermediate family now (ex. NPD parents & brothers).
Apart from that...In school, I would get called the "F-slur" and "T-slur" as well. People thought I was an effeminate BOY trying to transition to a GIRL. They had it backwards lol.
Idk, for the most part, I looked like a tall, skinny highschool boy, even in my adult years after detransition lol. But, now people can tell I'm a woman, I'm no longer butch/stud or I guess they call it "masc" these days, I'm considered a "tomcat" in the bisexual world or a "stem" in the lesbian world(not sure if this word is still used either? I was telling my younger lesbian friend we used to use "butch/stud"(masculine), "stem/futch"(androgynous/in the middle/switch) and "femme"(feminine) back in the day for lesbians, and for bisexuals it varies. For bisexual people, we use: "Buck", "Stag/Tomcat", and "Doe". There's more terms than just those but lol I'm digressing.
:: Finding Love ::
Not so lucky in this department and it hasn't been easy.
My one and only ex-fiancé was the first boyfriend I ever had, first long term relationship, the first love of my life, the first person I built a life with by having a kid. We were going to have a second kid, get a house together, and eventually get married, but he had a drinking problem and was physically and verbally abusive...I escaped him.
Ever since him, I have been dating (toxic) men...
Dating women is equally hard. The most I can find on dating websites are usually poly(I'm not interested) or only want an FWB and that's it. Or just...not...my type...
My type of woman: femme/lipstick lesbian/doe bisexual, emo/goth or girly-girl/glam, and submissive so I can spoil her and treat her like a queen.
My type of man: Masculine-looking but with a feminine side so I can be his knight in shining armour and he can be my king/prince, I also like punk/athletic/music-aesthetic, long hair is cool, and would be great if he was a switch(dom & sub).
My type of person: For both sexes, I prefer someone with a healthy lifestyle and is active. Who is also a moderate/centrist in politics like me, atheist or some type of secular philosophy like buddhism or humanism, and has a lot of hobbies/interests (as I have many of those and want to merge our worlds!). Someone who is supportive of dreams. Someone I can come home too and we can enjoy the silence and not always have to talk(I'm introverted). Someone who can be spontaneous and enjoys adventures. I miss those days...
:: The Good & The Bad ::
So, I'm just going to list the PROs and CONs of being a bisexual woman lol.
+PROS+
+ Double the dating pool.
+ Straight men love bisexual women and think it's hot they like women too.
+ You get to enjoy the perspectives of dating both men & women.
+ It's interesting how our attraction works: sometimes we're more attracted to women than men, sometimes we're more attracted to men than women, sometimes we're attracted to both equally and...other times not attracted to anyone (lol).
+ I enjoy being dominate with women and being their knight in shining armour. I like dating men because occasionally, I can be a bit more submissive (though my personality is more dom haha).
-CONS-
- Double the rejections.
- (most) Lesbian women aren't fond of bisexual women and assume the bisexual women will leave them for a man.
- People assume bisexual women are promiscuous and are always down for threesomes(whether we are or aren't...).
- People assume bisexual women are secretly straight women who are attention seekers.
:: Overall Experience ::
There's not much else to it, I feel like it's only a small part of who I am. I don't feel special in any type of way. Tbh, I don't associate myself with LGBTQIA+, I find it to be a political group that doesn't speak for me. I just want to be ME. I want to be left alone and live my life. I have more opinions on it, but I'll leave it at that.
Also...
@ImpudentIncognito
It sounds like you have had a long journey through questioning and understanding who you are and the things that are important to you both for yourself and in a relationship.
As you say, I've noticed more members of the LGBTQ/MOGII community are moving to that sort of outness. Being out in a way that is more about not hiding who they are, rather than telling everyone/the world who they are. Simply treating their identity as either no one else's business or something that others already know.
It can be challenging when hatred comes from so many angles, but it sounds like you've made the choices you needed about who and what energy you will allow into your life. Sometimes it is sad that hatred is so easy to find while love can be so elusive, and it sounds like you have dealt with some of the challenges within the LGBTQ+ community as well like bisexual erasure.
It really seems like you have found your truth and what is right for you even though all your experiences and challenges.
Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with us!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
@EmotionsListener
Exactly, I don't talk about my sexuality all the time [ex. "I'm bisexual!!!"]. I want my sexuality to be normalized, so I just go about my day and business. My best friend **Mic (who's a masc lesbian) and I do talk about women quite often lol. We're both single, so when we hang out, we're "hanging with the boys". I used to be a butch/stud, but now I'm a tomcat/Andro/stem or whatever. I still have that butch energy, regardless of how I look on the outside.
Indeed, growing up with that hatred around me made me hate myself for the longest time... I wanted to transition to be "normal". I would be a straight men in societies eyes rather than an unwanted lesbian...(that's how I used to see it). Now? Screw it! I'm going to love women & men, because I can, and nobody can stop me.
I think I unconsciously erased a fellow bisexual... My best friend Mic told me our third friend in the group might be bi, then said that friend was definitely bi. I thought they were straight, only based on some...stuff they said which made me think "that's kind of the way heterosexual people think when it comes to bi/lesbians...I don't think she understands us...". But she's bi and coupled with a man. I was surprised. But I know attraction is not always 50/50 and bisexuals have a large variety of preferences/interests. We're not a monolith.
Thanks! I enjoyed the prompts you put out there.
@ImpudentIncognito
Normalization is certainly the dream I hope for. But it is sadly more difficult to achieve. I know my favourite books and representations that include LGBTQ+ themes are ones where those themes are included as seamlessly as any cis-het detail would have been.
As for bisexual erasure it is an all too common thing, it's so easy to do when you see someone in a single relationship to assume that the nature of that relationship is the only nature of relationship a person has, but a bisexual doesn't flip between heterosexual and homosexual based on who their current partner is. So even within the community we have to take time to remember to hold space for each other.
Thanks again for sharing!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I began my transition 11 years ago and while there have been challenges, I still do not have a single regret about the path that I chose. I would be lying if I said that I didn't still get seldom moments of dysphoria. I am introverted so I get burnt out on educating everyone about it when it comes to work situations. I can also very much relate to the "elephant in the room" feeling and people looking at us like we are a zoo animal. Yes, education is important but no I am not obligated in any way to educate every single soul that comes into my life and wants to know everything. I expect to be treated with respect like any other human being. I am very thankful that we have such a strong community and the world wide web for extending our network even farther. Without the support of our LGBTQ community, I would not be as strong as I am today. Thank you to all for showing up and supporting each other. ✌️#Never Give Up
@NaturalEmpath
Thank you for sharing your story with us and touching on that very important topic of 'burn out' when it comes to having to constantly explain ourselves to others and spend our energy educating others about our identity and experiences. While it can be important for others to learn, for many in the community so much energy is expended in fighting against hatred, misunderstanding, seeking support and acceptance, that simply being LGBTQ+/MOGII can use all the energy we have.
Thank you again for sharing your experiences with us.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
@EmotionsListener
I literally just came out to my cousin...
That's amazing, how did it go?
@Slytherin4thYear2022
It's been a bit of time, how has coming out to your cousin gone for you so far? How are you feeling about that experience?
@EmotionsListener
He kinda did a double take like wait what you like another girl and I was like yeah and then he was like "Woah..." and the subject was dropped
@Slytherin4thYear2022
How are you feeling about that? Do you want the topic to be dropped? What would you want to happen now?
@EmotionsListener
I feel like that's pretty good, I just want to be treated like everyone else
Do not give up pride and rainbows with us. The colours change. I am just a click away.Xx
Sorry not good at this typing thing. But I like this site. I lost and came back with help from 7 cups of tea.
Thanks to all new or old and anybody not mentioned here you all been best and like to get to know you all. X
@purpleSea7109
Thank you for sharing your supportive words, I'm glad 7 cups has been a supportive space for you!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
@EmotionsListener Brevity is not exactly my specialty, but Ill see if i can keep this short. I'll be honest, back in middle school, I was pretty s***ty. My family are all super religious muslims, and I had never interacted with a member of the LGBTQ community, Id often support homophobic memes, make bad jokes about it, use Gay as an insult n all that. Wasnt until one of my (ex) best friends came out, first as a tom girl, then eventually trans, that I began to realize that I was being an a**. After that came highschool. And for the first time, I felt comfortable around a group of people. They all had experiences and thoughts similar to mine, about sexuality and gender, that I used to suffocate, because I was afraid of my thoughts, n my religious community. Surrounded by people with those same thoughts, started to become more open minded, asking the question: "Why Not" why cant a guy marry a guy, girl date girl? Why cant a girl be called as a guy and vice versa? Who exactly is this hurting? Im still questioning about my own sexuality n stuff. Im like 90% sure im Asexual, and possibly non binary, but worried about putting on labels, because I feel like that makes it permanent, and much more real yknow? But all I can say is. Thank god I met my (ex) best friend, and I went to this school, or I probably would have never even begin to ask these questions in the first place. Thank you for coming to my TED talk
Thanks for sharing your experience, you're in a great place to try on labels and see if they fit. Remember we are all growing and changing and it's totally ok to decide if those labels don't work or need to change too 😊
@TwoFacedTim
It can be challenging to go against the messages and hatefulness we are taught before we even know what it means. It sounds like you've been through a long journey of understanding and creating your own thoughts and opinions. As to labelling yourself, I like to remember that there is no requirement to wear any label ever, just be yourself, and work on what is right for you. Labels can certainly help us describe ourselves to others, but they aren't required.
I know with labels often times others use them to define us. They can become like a box we are meant to fit ourselves into rather than a way we've tried to share who we are with others. Hopefully with time if you do find a label you feel fits, you will be able to remember it only describes you and doesn't define who you are or have to be.
Thank you for taking the time to share some of your experience here.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
It was in 8th grade when I realized I liked a girl. She was a little older, as she was in high school, and just so happen to like girls (she's Lesbian). We were on the same softball team and I found myself always watching her. We never interacted in that way, as I didn't know what those feelings meant for me and I was scared of what people would say (plus, this was around the time almost every girl was coming out as bisexual or gay, and some people didn't like that too much).
Long story short, I dated this guy (high school classmate) for 2 years. It was then I revisited those feelings of possibly liking women, though, I know I leaned more so towards men. I've never dated women, but never say never right lol? That's the summarized version of how I realized I may be Heteroflexible (still trying to determine that).
@RenFox
How we identify can certainly grow and change with time and our own understanding of ourselves and our experiences. Sometimes knowing what we do want is more challenging than identifying what we don't want.
Thank you for sharing with us.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
How do you go about dating the same sex if you're terrified of exploring with them or being rejected because of the exploration stage?
@RenFox
That is an interesting and important question, I suppose one thing may be to find another individual who is at a similar stage in their own questioning, or simply being open from the start about the uncertainty. You may also find that the dating is less formal and committed while you are as of yet unsure.
I myself have no experience to draw on with regard to this but do hope that others might chime in and share their own thoughts and experiences.
Hello. I’m B. I’m a Queer Transman. It’s nice to know that there’s this space to meet more people within the community on 7 Cups.
I have been medically transitioning since 2017. Please keep in mind that Trans people aren’t the only people who Transition. Some Non-Binary/GNC folks transition too. Also, not every person wants to, has access to, or is able to transition socially and or medically.
I like writing poetry, binge watching shows/movies,
taking photos for fun, mostly of Nature and going on Nature walks
@embraeycingme1
Welcome, I hope you will find lots of support here in the LGBTQ+/MOGII Support forums and everywhere on 7 cups! Thanks for letting us start to get to know you!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
And thank you! :)