Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support
  3. ways to come out???

ways to come out???

User Profile: angglikos
angglikos Wednesday

hello to everyone ❤️❤️

question: what are some ways to come out

so recently ive felt that i might be bi or gay and my country is pretty homophobic (even though it is completely lgbtq friendly) and im pretty sure most my family is too. in addition to that i probably might be a femboy not sure and i know for sure that my mom is transphobic and idkk what to doooo. and my school is completely homophobic and treating gay like an insult lik why (only maybe like 2-3 kids in my class arent but since the popular kids are theyll pretend too so they dont get called out)

are there any ways you have came out to your homophobic/transphobic parent(s) or just made it easier to bear with?

5
User Profile: JackalopesExist
JackalopesExist Thursday

@angglikos

I haven't had this exact experience since I didn't realize I was queer until adulthood, but I live in a conservative area and am only "out" to people I really trust for my own safety and comfort so I can sort of relate to that part.

The best way I've found to deal with it is to be queer in ways that other queer people will recognize that cis/straight people will easily overlook, without needing to outright say it and just finding community with each other. There's no "coming out" to be had if people already kind of assume I'm not quite cis/straight, or if I mention it more offhandedly in the context of a conversation where the spotlight isn't on me. This might look like having subtle accessories with flag colors/queer symbols, or alluding to thinking an actor or musician who's the same sex as me is attractive in a wider conversation. I've poked at this myself by saying something like "I really wanted to be X character (different from my AGAB) when I was little" in a convo about childhood shows and movies and watched for peoples' reactions. Don't expect anyone to outright ask, but have an answer prepared in mind if they do (whether that's being upfront or downplaying it).

For your family, that's tough. If you're young you have to weigh pros and cons - will it hurt you more to sit on it, or for them to have a bad reaction? Is there any chance it could hurt your physical circumstances,  i.e. having a safe place to live or money towards a college fund or something? If that's a concern, it sucks but you should avoid the topic until you can be independent.

Hoping the best for you!

User Profile: angglikos
angglikos OP 3 days ago

thank you for your kind words and ill definetely take into consideration what you said ❤️ thank you

load more
User Profile: Aayla
Aayla 3 days ago
@angglikos congratulations on discovering your identity despite all the queer phobia around you! Sometimes, even exploring your identity by yourself without even telling anyone is already a brave step. Even if the world around you is so intolerant, no one should ever make you feel like you're wrong for being who you are. That's just your reality, it's perfectly alright and I hope no one will ever make you doubt that.

Coming out is tough, if there's someone around you that seems to be more open minded it might be good to start from them first, so you know you'll have someone supportive by your side when you'll eventually face the tougher coming outs.
You can test the water by bringing up lgbt related news, seeing how they react and how safe they might be, you don't necessarily have to tell them about yourself before making sure they're cool with it.

As for your family, you don't owe them a coming out right now if you think it would not be safe for you. But if you want to, you can consider writing them a letter if you're afraid you won't be able to say everything exactly the way you want to. This way you know you won't leave out anything, you can let them know how you feel and nerves won't get in the way.

Or you could do the exact opposite: treat it like it's no big deal, like "hey, just so you know, I realized I'm not straight". Even if they're shocked at first, seeing that you feel confident in who you are and it doesn't really change who you are as a person could make them challenge whatever homophobic belief they might have.

I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, it would be great to have some source of support ready for you if you get any backlash, maybe a trusted a supportive friend, or a school counsellor, or even a local queer community if that's available for you. It's good to know you're not alone. Because you really aren't alone, there's always going to be someone supportive out there, and I'm sure one day you'll find your people.
User Profile: angglikos
angglikos OP 3 days ago

aw thank you for you nice words ❤️ ill definetely try and find maybe a queer community thats also supportive. thank you so much for replying aswell ❤️❤️❤️

load more
User Profile: sparklingpinkbunny
sparklingpinkbunny 6 hours ago

I think coming out is a process that happens through actions, not necessarily words. I think the best thing to do is always start slowly and gradually be yourself, such as wearing certain kinds of clothes, talking and walking in a certain way, wearing or not wearing makeup the way u actually want, trying different haircuts…

And then, you can eventually be who you actually are. That’s the part where you can talk about ur gf/bf or gender in a much lighter way!! 🤍

Just please be careful! Try talking about LGBT topics with ur family/friends to see how they react. You need to know who’s safe and who’s not so u can take ur first steps! 🚨 (I’m not a bot I swear lol)

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Talk to an expert therapist
Sharing your depressive thoughts and feelings may be scary and overwhelming, so...
Talk to Johanna Now