Feeling Invalid
I have been with boys before but this past summer I became intimate with a boy. This makes me feel extremely invalid as a lesbian as I believe if I was truly gay I wouldn't have do it. Please tell if anyone felt that way before like they don't fit in to the community for any reason.
@pophaniaxx I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling that way. Being intimate with a guy doesn't make your identity any less valid. You have your own reasons for identifying as a lesbian. Whether you were exploring, got caught in the moment or even if you find yourself being attracted to guys in the future, that's all okay. There's no harm in gaining diverse experiences and getting to know more about yourself. I hope you'll feel more welcomed in the community too. As long as we're not spreading hate, we're all valid.
@pophaniaxx I think all of us experiment at some point, and there are lots of people who were with men for a long time before coming out as les. There is also a big spectrum of identities within the category of lesbian. I know some women who would have sex with men but wanted the emotional closeness of a lesbian relationship and it was something she agreed with her partner. There are non-binary lesbians, trans lesbians, and asexual lesbians. There's no need to pigeon-hole yourself or berate yourself for not being a gold star lesbian. I think people get scared sometimes, which is why they project their fears onto you for experimenting, but experimenting is part of life, and in getting a better understanding of yourself.
Please be gentle with yourself, and feel free to find what feels right for you - the label can come after, and I'm sure you'll find a lot of women with similar experiences.
Sexuality is a scale, most of us are somewhere within the scale rather than right out on the end. Don’t be so hard on yourself. How you choose to identify is up to you. I’m busy but haven’t been with a woman for 15 years, I still know that I’m bi though.
@pophaniaxx being intimate with a boy doesn't made you "less lesbian" I had several boyfriends, with only one I tried that sexual approach, but I have always known that I am mostly attracted to women. And that doesn't make me an "incomplete lesbian" it all depends on who you feel more like you with, more like the best version of you.
I feel like people don't want to label themselves bisexual, and I don't know why :( Bi is awesome.