Daily Mindfulness Check-In March 16, 2022
Hello everyone in Mindfulness ❤️
Not feeling good enough 😞
There was a time in my life when I told myself I should have accomplished certain things by now, have a family and have more friends. I looked at others who were constantly meeting for parties or other fun stuff because that’s what people do right?! At least this is what I heard from people around me. The emphasis was on being socially active, wearing the latest fashion and always being updated on technical innovations (whether you need them or not). So, you can imagine the feeling of inadequacy wasn’t far away until one day I realized that there are too many “shoulds” in my life. I started to think about what I really want and realized that I actually prefer a good walk and chat with a friend to a party, that my jeans were just fine and I didn’t care about all these fashion things. So, slowly I learned about who I am and what I (not others) really want. I found the real me (still working on it in some aspects).
💡 Do you feel that you have too many “shoulds” in your life?
If you feel free share some examples and what “shoulds” could be turned into “want”, example “I want to do self care” not “I should do self care”.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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@amiablePeace77
Hello Ami:
Do you feel that you have too many “shoulds” in your life?
Well, I don't think that I have too many other peoples Shoulds on me. All the Shoulds I have are self-imposed. I am my worst critic and I think that is because I was raised in a Perfectionist environment where It was mandatory to do every taste to the perfection of my mother. It became my lifestyle all the way into my adulthood. It has been the hardest characteristic to change but I wear myself out still trying to be perfect and that is not possible.
@scarletPear1945
It can be very hard to get something out of your system that you've practised for such a long time. Perfectionism is very unhealthy and I can only imagine the pressure you might have felt growing up to please your mother. I hope that with time you will feel more confident and happy with what you do without having the urge to bring it to perfection so that you save the much needed energy.
@amiablePeace77
Thank you, I am working on it😊
🤗 Pear. I feel with you on the great difficulties with trying so hard to keep working on this. Pear you are so dedicated, as you keep diligently working with yourself on this. Every bit you do is worth it Pear!!!! I recognize your challenge and admire you for all your hard work on this 🧡
Yes. I should organize my house today. The truth is I am overwhelmed with life and I just want to get through the day.
@Bearrather
Having on mind that you should organize the whole house today is a lot of pressure. I would feel overwhelmed too, hugs. Have you thought about making a plan and cut the work in smaller more manageable pieces?
That is very true however even organize in one room overwhelming today
@Bearrather
It seems that your energy levels were depleted in all aspects. It can be really hard to get a clear head and motivate yourself when feeling so low. Something I find very helpful is to talk to someone about what's on my mind or even to just write it down. Often after "unloading" my energy level do rise. Please remember that it's okay too, not to do anything some days and just try to find comfort as long as it does not become a regular thing ❤️
I think always should be smarter should know more should not be so stupid all time should listen better should be better kid should not cry so much is LOT of should I just don’t like me that much but my mom and daddy always say I just need to do my best but is hard tell myself that
@theboymoana
It seems that you have high expectations towards yourself and are also very harsh with yourself. I hope that coming here will help you to see that you are good enough without having to do all these shoulds. Nice that your parents are supportive.
@amiablePeace77
i just am not smart or good at school things or anything I want to be smarter like my brothers but I get disabilities they don’t but I am not supposed to be like them just supposed to be like me but yes my parents are really nice they love me just how am
@theboymoana
I get that it can be tough to see when siblings understand things easier or are better in doing them but we all have something very special in us, whether it is the strength to want to to do the best you can despite a disability, a big heart or something else. I hope one day you will see the beautiful person you are without looking at grades etc. ❤️
@amiablePeace77
yes is tough just I want be better but thanks for being really nice I hope see one day to because I want to like me how am all the time not just sometimes
@amiablePeace77
Hello Ami
I hope you are doing well
💡 Do you feel that you have too many “shoulds” in your life?
@RumpleSteeleSkin
I'm glad you schedule Fun Time, no one can work hard all the time Rumple ❤️
Oh boy this hit home for me today!!! I constantly feel not good enough or that I should be ! It sad to stop and think I actually wrote them all down after reading this and when I say I had a page of I should be or what I'm not or don't do or what I'm not good enough at it surprised me. A couple example not feeling like I deserve to be the mother to my child even tho I know she needs me loves me and I do my best at it my bf makes me feel like I'm not good at anything cleaning cooking being a friend being a person everything I do is wrong all the you should be like this or doing that has made me forget who I am what my worth is and remaining a positive fueled person I want to be a great mother I want to continue working on my self and my happiness and I want to learn to be a better woman I'm not all the things he defines me as but I find my self believing his words acting on them and getting lost in the storm of put downs
@diamondintheROUGH2022
To me it sounds like you're a wonderful mother caring a lot to give her best. I'm very sorry to hear that you're not getting the support you need at home. I hope you find that support here 💙
@amiablePeace77 💡 Do you feel that you have too many “shoulds” in your life?
@soulsings
You made a very valuable point about the motivation behind it. There are surely some "shoulds" we can doubt and discard but often it's about how we see them. I "should do selfcare" can become "I want to do selfcare".
Should have been in a huge convoy of demi's all in a row, in a never ending long-haul. The light has finally been turned on! Now I am almost free to decide what I want, discover what I may find I like, be able to choose something, even choose to have a friend over for tea, coffee, and listen to them I think I will like that a lot. 💙
@OverlyStresed
Nice that you feel free and see all the things you can do now. I hope you will soon have that cup of tea with a friend and enjoy the company!
@amiablePeace77 Great check in Ami! I love this one, its encouraged some deep thought on my part and I'm here to share my findings 💭
I can highly relate to those feelings. At 23 years old I still have those moments, thinking: Do I look good enough for society? Is my introverted nature making people dislike me, or encouraging people to ostracise me?
Of course, the answer is *who cares?*
I like what I like, I have my own preferences, needs and interests. This doesn't make me unacceptable in any way. We can be ourselves and be loved, we can do what we love and be liked - most importantly, by ourselves. If we aren't ourselves we won't like us! And if we don't like ourselves... Then what?
Of course this is only my one view, and I've battled many a 'should have, would have, could have' in my time thus far, with more to come I'm sure.
Now? Mine are:
I should and want to be ME
I want to be the best version of MYSELF
And that's my importance and my priority now, because myself and the way I am is where I'm happy and it's how my loved ones prefer me too. I don't see a downside to who I am anymore 💗
@Robynni
It really warmed my heart reading about how much you learned to embrace yourself and you are very right about wanting to be the best version of Yourself! What I see here is that you have a beautiful personality, are very kind and supportive. Keep up the amazing work you do on yourself and here ❤️