Mindfulness Daily Check-In December 14

Well, first of all, Rudolph dancing makes me smile.

Generally, the holiday season (end of November through the beginning of January) has me in a tumble of emotions from extremely happy to extremely depressed. It's a roller coaster six to seven weeks. These ups and downs can hit me so quickly...within a matter of minutes.

However, most of the memories I have associated with the season are happy ones...Christmas morning and the magic of the tree as a little girl, watching our dog open her gifts and have fun with the wrapping paper, decorating trees, shopping in the snow (have only been able to do that twice since we don't get much snow where I live), baking cookies and making candy together, driving around looking at Christmas lights, going to Christmas parties with my friend before he moved away, watching children enjoy the season.

But sometimes focusing on the happy memories makes me sad....or happy....

I am just here this morn, trying to feel grounded and mindful of just how I am blessed

I remember when Christmas would come I looked forward to it until. I would discover I would get my sister's old toys while she got all the new stuff. So I was so angry that mom kept buying for her that while they were sleeping one night. I snuck out of bed and ran to the bathroom floor where our dog would go do his business. Got some toilet paper and picked up a pile of poop. ran and stuck it in the toe of my sister's shoes. So when she put them on the poop would get all over her feet. Ah, revenge of the Poop.

Mom figured out that the dog could not poop in the toe of the shoe, so of course, I got my tail beat

Back again been trying to establish just how I feel. to be honest I am not sure. About my Therapist again. I am not sure, but I think that I felt like she was my safe place and when this blow out happened so many times. I began to feel threatened. Now I am afraid to be me or share with her anything more than small talk.

I thought I was trying to be mindful seeing she too is a trauma victim. Don't want to trigger her nor hurt her in any way. So I am tippy toeing like I am walking on ice. I don't know if I can or will get to the place where I can feel safe.

Wondering if I am being mindful or just a sucker for abuse

@ASilentObserver

HIya Silent thank you for offering to get check-in done today

I love Christmas-I really don't. Has nothing to do with the gifts I recieve, but the smells of Christmas, the goof food, the snow activities, the people around you. Plus kids home on a break from school to enjoy some relaxation time.

BUT.............for me it's not just activities,smells and people. It's the caring part people show alot at this time. And it's the cooking/baking people do "together" its being remembered on a special day. Those little things make Christmas nice.

But again it also is the stress on finances and what to get people, over looking ungratefulness and such things. So it's balancing all this to some how be in the middle

Christmas has been a torn holiday for me. many happy and unhappy memories depending on what timeframe of my life i think about. Lately however i have grown tired getting lost in the past and i want to be mindful of 2017 and truly feel this year's holiday without any triggered attachments to the past christmas seasons.

I am very upset with what I see happening here. Why is it that my picture is on the one on one box with my therapist. Just started a few minutes ago. I felt that this might not be safe or private. Not that I don't want to be transparent but I think that should have been my right. How do you be mindful when something is always being dumped on you.

Does anyone know why? that to me sucks. So are there no safe place to be

Is that Rudolph?? I think it's him, he's got the red nose. Never knew he was a cute little danser too, so cute!

When Christmas is coming closer I always get the warm and fuzzies. It's when you feel these tingly feelings prickling underneath your skin. When I feel like that, I think of the family that will soon be together around the table. I also feel sort of energized and want to do good. Random Acts of Kidness everywhere, because it's Christmas, and I just sort of feel like doing it and smiling to everyone because... it is Christmas! Does that make sense?? I don't know, I'm terrible at describing feelings.

What I also love is the lights everywhere. In December, I just don't care I have to get out in the dark every morning to get to school and again when I go home. Because everyone has these cute lights in their gardens and along their balconies and I just love this. What makes it even better is having those lights inside your home too. The christmas tree, the candles all around the living room. More warmth, more fuzzies.

So yeah, my emotions are the warm and fuzzies I think and if those aren't emotions, they are now. I just coined them. They exist

Christmas makes me feel really warm inside. It's a time where there are loads of lovely things happening and so many positive vibes around! It's very cold outside but you are wrapped up in cosy blankets with a hot drink, there are nice smells of spices like cinnamon and everyone seems to be excited for Christmas to come!

I am so in love with Christmas food in particular - one of the best things about Christmas in my opinion :)))

How about you?

@ASilentObserver Christmas is different as an adult although watching kids brings back many fond memories. Kids seem to be more centered in the present moment. Lovely to see that!