Mindfulness Daily Check-In March 11, 2018
Hello, lovely community 
How many of us have struggled to mindfully cope with family issues like uncomfortable situations, living arrangements, or relationships? I know that I have, several times. Whether youre facing a relative with an addiction, abusive personality, or just a dysfunctional situation, I found a really nice list on how to mindfully cope with these challenges that Id like to summarize and share with you:
1. We can focus on what we can control rather than on what we cant control. Do you have a family member that you wish would change? Does their behavior frustrate you to no end? I feel you. While we cant control their behavior (no matter how much we try, yell, kick, and scream), we can control our behavior, mainly how we respond to them. We can shift our awareness away from how much we wish their behavior would change and begin to pay attention to how we respond and feel. Do we respond in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves? Do we respond with self-compassion, compassion towards them, and compassion for the situation? Do we give ourselves time to cool down before responding? These are all great questions to consider before we respond to a loved ones undesirable behavior.
2. Since we are talking about responding, its okay to not respond. I know that sounds weird, but we dont have to remind them of their responsibilities. We dont have to give advice unless asked. We certainly dont have to help unless they ask, and even then, we can say no if their request is beyond our boundaries. We can compliment them on what they are doing well if we wish.
3. We can notice our expectations for the challenging family members. Since they either arent capable of living up to them or arent interested, we can release these expectations. If we release these expectations, we will prevent ourselves from experiencing some disappointment when a family member doesnt live up to our expectations. If we find ourselves stuck, we can repeat a simple mantra like They are who they are; I cant change them. It is what it is. These mantras can help us accept whatever we are facing in the present moment.
4. Its okay to limit our interactions with them. We have the right to make our sharing zone smaller if they consistently make us feel bad or are hurtful. Sometimes, we feel pressure to sacrifice our well-being because the person is related to us, and we feel like we owe them, but this isnt completely true. We owe it to ourselves to be healthy and happy, and if that includes limiting our interactions and conversations with them, then we can!
If you feel comfortable sharing, how do you mindfully cope with challenging family situations or relationships?
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@EmunahHere
taking a breath, and pausing, consciously relaxing my shoulders and placing myself in their position, then deep breath and respond!
Happy Mothers Day to all the mums in the UK and everywhere!
Been playing the games during the weekend and waiting for my partner to help.
They need to find more games and let us have several folks to play with.
@EmunahHere Hi Emunah! :) This is a very important topic to bring attention to, and I am glad that you posted this.
If you feel comfortable sharing, how do you mindfully cope with challenging family situations or relationships?
In my personal experience, I have tried all of these and they do work to an extent. However, for some people in my life, I have had to leave and cut them out of my life completely as these strategies could not help me enough. Moreover, other strategies that I use to mindfully cope with challenging family situations or relationships is to remain silent, listen without thinking of what to say, letting the other person release all of their emotions, remaining poker-faced in order to present myself as calm and collected, rolling my neck, massaging or stretching my arms and shoulders, going to my own private space, distracting myself with positive thoughts, phone games, etc.
@EmunahHere
What I have learned that really works for me is to verbally explain what I feel at the moment or what I need.
Sometimes, when emotions are running high, we say or do things we don't mean to. Or, when people are discussing an issue with us, it might make us feel very upset. When I feel that I get to emotionally involved in a discussion or argument that I need to have a clear head for, I say so. "I'm sorry mom, I feel upset right now, can we talk about this after dinner?" "Dad, I really need to get this energy out. We'll talk when I get back from my walk." Or just: "I'm going to stay silent for a while, and think this through."
If I storm out of the house all of the sudden, or stay silent without saying why, my parents think I'm brooding, or being pelutant, which sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm being mindful at that moment and I want to act accordingly to what I believe is best for me at that moment. This is why I've decided to explain these kind of things, because my parents can be very understanding, as long as I explain what is going through my head.
Does this make sense? I hope so. And if you feel like your parents (or other people in your life), don't understand you well, try to explain things to them. People often think they're good at reading people or judging their character, but believe me, most people aren't 
@EmunahHere
Emunah thanks for this wonderful check in
haha family dramaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As parent I hate it. I do take a big deep breath right before I yell out what I need for them to finally hear for the 203567573 time! hahaha I have taken the calm approach and 1 step at a time, or ask later OMG I guess the thing for me is for their goof ups it isnt mine. For them to take more accountability and not me That is being mindful
@EmunahHere I find what helps me the most is to not react to family and other people. This gives me time to think or I say "I will think about it" rather than react "No, I am not going to do that!" Then in a few minutes when I calm down then I can respond spontaneously and empathically rather than have an emotional outburst.
Dealing with others can be stressful especially when I am stressed.
I internalize them
@scarletPear1945
Hey, Scarlet! What do you mean by this? Can you explain it a little bit more? If you want, feel free to PM me.
@EmunahHere
Hi, Emunah what I meant by internalizing is I just don't say anything I let them say whatever they please just to maintain my self from emotional rages from lashing out. So I turn the anger or rage into my self which in turn affects me physically with sickness or causes me to be like a ticking bomb. Being numb to my emotions are the safest way for everyone involved.
@scarletPear1945
Thank you for explaining :) I am sorry that you feel like you must bottle up your emotions. When I am feeling anger or anxious, I like to mindfully observe what the emotion does in my body. For example, we might feel hot, sweaty, or have a faster heart rate. We might shake. We can be mindful of these sensations rather than acting on the emotion, even if it surfaced later because we were reminded of our frustrating encounter with our family member.
@EmunahHere
Wow, that sounds like a great way to experience what you are feeling. There are times when I can really feel the effects of certain emotions. When I am angry though, I cry and sometimes I shake or quiver in my stomach. If I reach that point I am already at the danger point of reacting. So get away as quickly as I can so no one gets hurt including me. This is a danger zone that I am beginning Anger management class with my Therapist. I appreciate all you have done to help me and you are still taking your personal time to work with me.
@scarletPear1945
Anytime, Scarlet ❤️ :) You are doing great in mindfulness, and you can reach out to me anytime! I hope that your anger management sessions go well. :)
Going to therapy and groups today
@DanaMH hope that you get some support from that.
@DanaMH
Hey, Dana! I hope that you get the support that you need today :)
@EmunahHere
I learned that the (to me) challenging family member is what the person is and I will not be able to change that but can only accept it .When chatting occasionally I try not to get into what is said too much, breathe, breaaaaaaathe and just think "I am sorry that you have to feel that way" and do not let it pull me down. I used to argue but it does not make sense so just let them talk, stop when having enough and continue the day without thinking about them. It is a little easier for me since they are in a different country.
