Mindfulness Daily Check-in 7th August 2019
Hi everyone!
I thought we could discuss resiliency and how to become more resilient So what is resiliency exactly? Please watch this short 1-minute video here! https://youtu.be/gcbTmw1Y48I
Resiliency is about overcoming the challenges in life which we all have from time to time. That doesn't mean that if you're struggling to be resilient that you are failing to be resilient, it just means that you are going through a hard time and I hope you can be kinder to yourself! It is a practice and the more we practice it... the better we become at overcoming challenges. The most important foundation we can build is looking after ourselves and it's what I tell all of my clients, healthy eating, healthly sleep routines and exercise.
Tip #1 - Learn from your challenges. Have you had a challenging life situation recently? What did it teach you and were there any patterns forming?
Tip #2 - Try not to pretend you are resilient as it's okay to not feel that resilient from time to time because we are human afterall! What matters isnt how you feel in the moment, its that you overcome it and find your strength.
Tip #3 - Find your locus of control... your locus of control is the ability to see you are responsible for your own life and you can change it if you like. You are in the driver's seat! You have got this :) People with an external locus of control focusing on external circumstances and almost give their power away at times. So the key is to truly look within.
Tip #4 - Express your true self. Be authentic. What do you like about you? What are your values in life? What makes you the person you are today?
How have you found your resilience at certain times in your life?
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This year has brought a wave of changes that completely turned my entire life around 180 degrees.
In the beginning of the year/few days before Christmas of 2018, my boyfriend of 6 straight years ended our relationship.
I had to move out of the apartment we shared, and back into my parents' house, and on April 1st I lost my job.
My now ex-boyfriend moved up with Washington D.C. with two of the four cats we got together, and I didn't handle that well since I've been with him every day for the last 6 years of my life.
I will say though, in the heart of everything that happened earlier this year, I had my moments that were nearing the acceptance of defeat and giving up, but I didn't let myself succumb to it. I knew that those life-altering moments I went through in 4 months, would pass and this was the start of my new life and new and better me.
I lost myself completely in those 6 years, I didn't realize that I was in a severely emotionally abusive and overall abusive in other aspects, relationship and would always make excuses for him. He made sure that I was convinced I'd be lost without him, financially, mentally, in my career and responsible in taking care of 2 cats.
In the period right after the break-up, I was convinced that my life was over, that I would not be able to have a life on my own and that I couldn't go through life alone and I needed someone to help me with finances, career, and food.
After I lost my job in April, it wasn't as scary as if it would have happened in October or November--- because I lived at home and didn't have to pay rent.
But I started looking for jobs immediately and reached out to others and networked.
When it comes to upkeeping my career, rent, and cats.....I'm working on financials......I am very headstrong, and I know I can get through any of those aspects of my life. But I struggle so much when it comes to holding on to friendships and relationships without pushing them away. I've been in a......"situationship" with a guy for a while now, and even though I was completely unaware of this, I displayed so many signs of pushing away in the beginning, giving him more trust issues and committal issues.
The main goals I want to achieve this year is to be at peace with my presence, and not feel abandoned or lonely. I don't want to rely on someone else for my happiness and contentedness with myself.
I also want to be more financially stable with savings.
@cachemeowside
Hello there,
Thank you for sharing! You have gone through so much but it looks like it has made you more independent, focused on your goals and looking forward to a brighter future for you! This wasn't easy but look how far you have come :) What do you think kept you focused on maintaining your resilience despite all of the setbacks?
It sounds like you are also in the process of learning to trust again. So many changes but you seem to have coped with them really well and you seem really resilient!
@LisaDeRegtMBPsS thanks for this thread
How have you found your resilience at certain times in your life?
For me resilience is not an empty mind, it is a resolve and determination when the wind starts howling and the going gets rough, I keep on going with a sense of calm that everything will work out the way it does.
@soulsings
This is beautiful so you ground yourself into finding your resilience!
I find my resilience comes in not giving up! I'm a persistent problem solver, and I always try to make better choices!
@LisaDeRegtMBPsS hey you- thank you for this check in. It made me re-read it slower the 2nd time lol.
hmmm I guess for me personally I am resilant to a lot of things I was not many years ago. I believe it comes with many things people choose to work on. Boundary setting, allowing yourself to cry and feel, forgiving self, learning what feelings belong to you-and the ones that belong to another, loving youself. Practicing these things daily for a long time brings in a good resilence I believe.
Wow tbh this made me do a quick check in of how far I came
@RumpleSteeleSkin
When we bring the things that we usually might not think about into our awareness it's so powerful right Rumple? :) Thank you for sharing and providing practical ways in which others can work on their own resiliency.
For me keeping a journal sometimes helps me see how resilient I've been when things seemed overwhelming to me in the past. I can look back and see that I've gotten through all the bad times and still had more good times.
@BitterSweet250
Ah I love this. It's amazing when you can see the progress!
@LisaDeRegtMBPsS
Hi Lisa and thanks for the post and video.
Hmm my resilience, it's based to a great extend on the fact that I am very subborn to give up, I just do not want to. 
Not a joke, it's the truth. It's the belief I can if I can shut down the voice that tells me "it will be hard". Challenging myself, making myself physically strong helped too and of course my most important tool - Meditation. Still working on the self-care part.
@amiablePeace77
That is brilliant! I love hearing how you think it's related to your stubbornness... maybe this is actually consistency in getting things done ;) I can relate to that and it can really help us move forward and find our resilience.
@LisaDeRegtMBPsS
I like the word consistency , sounds better hehe. Thanks Lisa.
@amiablePeace77
Reframing is always a nice way to approach things ;)
"How have you found resilency in your life?"
I've been most resilent when I reach a breaking point, and then realize I can still keep going after I thought I couldn't any longer. Like @amiablePeace77, I can't ever stop, haha. Through despair, depression, directionlessness, I've learned that the world keeps turning, keeps inviting me to participate. I'm starting to believe that the lows are a part of life and not the end of it.
I suppose that is what resilency means to me now. If I put one foot in front of the other, eventually I'll travel far enough for the horizon to change.
@calypteanna
This is wonderful :) You have found it through realising the world doesn't stop spinning even if you are struggling and by taking a small step forward each moment that it gradually adds to walking up the entire huge staircase one step at a time (that is life and it's challenges). I think you've learned so much through your challenges in life which is great and you realise that resiliency doesn't mean that you stop feeling unsettled by your challenges but rather you try to navigate through them and out into the light.
@LisaDeRegtMBPsS
Hi Lisa.
It is weird for me talking about resilience. I have got this word tattooed last year when I decided to get divorced. I am not sure I have been that resilient recently. I have turned very often to unhealthy coping mechanisms. But I am working on it. Therapy has made me aware of my patterns and I am starting to see more clearly what my values are. I am working on boundaries.
Your words about the locus of control made me think a lot. I think I did have an external locus of control for quite some time. But this is changing too.
@admaiorasemper
It sounds like you have a constant visual reminder to challenge yourself to be resilient but it's not easy when we are faced with lifes challenges just like you mentioned with getting divorced. Sometimes we tend to cope with unhealthy coping mechanisms and then realise they are not serving us well and find healthier coping mechanisms. Try to look at some of your most unhealthy coping mechanisms and see if you have some sort of outlet for this... maybe it's walking, hiking, yoga, mindfulness etc but try to do it one by one so it's not overwhelming and make small changes. Above all be kind to yourself :) You will get there!!
Excellent, it's not easy to reshift our locus of control. It takes awareness, practice and time but you are getting there step-by-step and that is the most important thing. There are lots of great internal changes happening and I hope that you continue to see these more and more. We all have our unhealthy coping skills and it's great you are working on changing them for you!