Isolating from loved ones

@blueShade6123

I know where he is mentally because I'm there too. It's a mix of emotional overwhelm, feeling unwanted (whether warranted/true or not!), and shutting down emotionally, for me. Shutting people out is a good way to conserve emotional energy, in a way, although it's not a good way to cope overall. Work people are easier because it's more surface level and uses much less of your emotional battery, so to speak. I hope I'm communicating this correctly... Feel free to ask questions or vent or whatever else! I'm an open book :)

Omg, thank you so much for replying, this helps me so much. like I said it's not the first time this has happened but it definitely doesn't hurt any less. I actually thought things were good and then the week leading up to him completely cutting me off he said he had a migraine and a bad back ache for a couple days, he was also very quiet saying work was swamped and then he just disappeared. Can I ask you how long this lasts? He’s never gone longer than 8 weeks before I usually hear from him again. Also do you think he feels guilty/badly about ignoring me or is it more like he doesn’t have the capacity to even think about it? I’m sorry if I’m not making sense

Thank you so much!

We have actually talked about this when he is feeling good and in a good place. This is why I’m shocked that’s it happened again as he promised he would let me know even if it’s just to say I need a break or I need to shut down. It’s so hard becuase I would sit in the dark with him as long as he needs but he won’t talk to me, hasn’t even opened my text mesages. Last time he told me that he actually felt like he didn’t love me anymore when he is in tne depths of it. Not sure how normal that is. Anyway, I thank you very much, I appreciate it, as it’s sometimes really lonely on this side of things too

Thank you so much!

we have actually talked about when he’s in a good place and feeling good, he promised he would let me know even if it’s just to say hey I need to shut down, but now its happened again. It’s so hard, I would sit in the dark with him as long as he needs but he won’t talk to me. He hasn’t even opened my text messages and it’s been 6 weeks, and then I happened to see him comment on a work friends post and I’m thinking wow! how? Why? Anyway, I thank you so much for listening and supporting as it can be really lonely sometimes on this side of things

@blueShade6123 even with high functioning depression...going to work fine, etc... sometimes while in a depression a lot of people become ashamed and guilty when it comes to those, they are closest too. The emotional bond becomes something a lot of depressives fear they will lose. It is a case of distorted thinking which is normal with in mental health issue. In that mindset sometimes blocking out the ones you love has somehow become the only way to keep them. Almost a feeling of thinking the person is ruining or spoiling the loved one's life so it creates a quarantine situation. I myself experience severe bouts of depression which is how I know how unclear thinking becomes. It's hard to see it in the moment. I can say when I would isolate, I felt in the moment that it was the best thing for everyone for me to do so. A very big thing to do is just make him aware you're there. Then it's up to him how quickly he emerges. If this is something happening on a continual basis, even if long periods between, explaining there's no shame is seeing a doctor. It's very common and a good majority of the population takes an antidepressant. Or he could ask other options if he doesn't want to take them. It's just important he does not feel pressured into it, or it may put up walls. Maybe print some info off online and simply ask him to read it. The person just needs to feel in control of the situation, or a bigger issue will arise. If he likes concrete things explain to him that his serotonin and dopamine levels are just dropping too low and just need some help getting on balance. Some people like it put in terms showing it is a physical thing happening in the brain. Often it is genetic and other ways but totally no fault of his. I became adjusted to my condition and meds just but learning what was physically happening in my brain. Made it more tangible. I hope this was helpful at least a little. Your feelings are completely valid and important too in the situation. I just know what it's like in his shoes. But can changes view and see it from the other side too and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Dropping hints, print outs, etc. could catch his eye. You can let him know some very famous and powerful figures in history had it and did well with help. If you ever need to talk, vent, or want more info feel free to message me. And it's the patience of a saint to deal with. You sound pretty strong. 

@blueShade6123

I know where he is coming from. For me I normally don't talk to my family or friends when I am depressed since it takes to much emotional energy when you already feel low yourself. I however don't work. Since I am still a student for I can't really talk about the job situation. I know that you mentioned that he cuts you off when he is feeling depressed maybe you can have a conversation together where you guys come up with a plan on how to stay connected with each other when he is feeling down. Stay in there I know this is hard for you and it makes you upset and worried. You have to stay strong for the both of you. 

@blueShade6123

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now. It must be incredibly frustrating and hurtful to feel shut out by someone you care about so deeply, especially when they're struggling with depression. It's clear you want to support him, but it's also important to acknowledge how much emotional strain this situation is putting on you. It's understandable that you're feeling heartbroken and confused.

It's not uncommon for individuals with depression to have difficulty maintaining connections with their loved ones, even though they may still be able to function in other areas of their lives, like work or socializing with coworkers. Depression can often create a sense of isolation and withdrawal, making it difficult for someone to communicate their needs or maintain close relationships.

It's positive that you've had conversations with him about his need for space and communication during these difficult times, but it's also important to recognize your own boundaries and needs in the relationship. It's okay to prioritize your own emotional well-being and seek support for yourself as you navigate this challenging situation.

Ultimately, it's not your responsibility to "fix" his depression, but being there to offer support and understanding can make a difference. Encouraging him to seek professional help, such as therapy or medication, might also be beneficial in managing his symptoms and improving communication within your relationship.

Remember to take care of yourself and seek out support from friends, family, or a therapist if you need it. You deserve to feel valued and supported in your relationship, and it's okay to set boundaries to protect your own emotional health.