14 Day Goal Challenge (Day 2)

@IsayUncle Yeah I'm ok. I am a little off. Just one of those days. I think you know what I mean. No real reason for it but just emotional.

@IsayUncle. Yeah when you said it looked like a flooded street I could see how it looked that way the way I cropped the background to make it fit.

The reason I don't feel safe is because of his addiction. He has been clean for three years but it got so bad the last time he relapsed that it scares me. I didn't have anyone to go to and tried to get it together for the kids but I just couldn't do it. My mental health got so bad. I literally couldn't stop crying. I couldn't eat. I was very suicidal almost every day... I tried to work but it was too much for me. That's how we ended up in the shelter. And then we were stuck because we had no money to get out until he finished his program and was sober and stable and started working again. He actually lost custody of the kids that year because he didn't cooperate with dhs. It's a long story but I will write more about it little by little. It's just hard to trust him. Or even myself really. We were ok in the shelter but it was very traumatic for both me and the kids. I homeschool so the kids had never been to school or daycare before then. And my youngest was only one at the time. Everything changed all at once and it felt so hopeless and scary and I don't ever want my kids to experience anything like that again.

Anyway, that's the short version. Back to what's going on with you...

I'm so sorry your day was so hard yesterday. I want to hear about it if/ when you are ready and want to talk about it. Good job getting up today and pressing on to get things done. I know for me it's easy to give up when things get overwhelming and it sounds like yesterday was pretty overwhelming for you.

I've never boiled peanuts before. What do you mean by that? Is that just how you like them?

Talk to you later💙 -M

@IsayUncle Aw I understand why all that would be so upsetting. You wanted to help and tried to do it but everything got in the way. I'm sorry you're having car trouble too. That's always stressful and expensive. We drive used vehicles so deal with that often too.

I understand your desire to sleep but I hope you will forgive yourself and just move forward. I don't think you failed. It isn't your fault that your friend changed his mind or that you had car trouble. The fact that it made you so upset to not be able to help just shows how much you care.

Try to think of yourself the way you would see someone else in your position. You wouldn't call them a failure. You would probably be impressed by all they have gone through and how hard they keep trying no matter the challenges.

I do know how you feel. I do the same thing to myself. But I think most people are more critical of themselves than of anyone else. I see you as a very strong and determined and kind person. And I will still think that of you no matter your so-called failures. I won't think any less of you.

I think you are strong just for admitting your imperfections and struggles. Everything will be ok. Get some rest, eat some good food, and wake up tomorrow ready to do the next thing.💙 -M

@IsayUncle Hey! That's a funny story about the boiled peanuts! I think I would have thought soggy peanuts were gross too - and trying make peanut butter to salvage them! Maybe you needed salt?

Yeah, homeschooling is a big job and doesn't give me a lot of breaks but I love my kids and being around them so it's worth it. My mental health struggles definitely add an extra element to it all though. I really need to get them out more!

💙 -M