Overwhelmed.... Shutting down.... Can't move
To do a chore, task or responsibility when all your options are uninspired and seem hopeless, daunting and pointless can be some of the hardest tasks in the world to do. Even if it is just to take out the trash.
Sometimes the goal needs to be to stop thinking.
so tired.... got the dishes washed.... need a nap but must repair backhoe for employment.
a liitle nap...
I'm so tired all the time. I eat a lot of greens, rice and beans. Tortillas instead of white bread. Try to stay away from processed foods but they sneak into my diet on occasion. Stay away from fast foods what pizza finds its way on occasion.
I'm not a horrible eater but i am a stress eater..... With no easy junk foods in the house, it takes a lot longer to stress eat, with preperation and clean-up. That is a major set back!
It's late morning and I still have to get dressed and go work on the backhoe. I earlier ate some rice and eggs and then took a nap.
I really am very tired of, all of this, but, "all of this" was a passionionate idea for a few years.
My mind is already over thinking I just need to get dressed and go work on that backhoe.
I got the bed made and did some vacuuming and almost dressed. Stopped to eat some raman noodles.
I must figure out some way to proactively exist in a meaningless environment until an achievable purpose becomes my meaning to do the things that I need to do everyday.
A boring, robotic method of existing, but, try, without the constant personal and literal degradation.
It's a hard way to exist, seeing nothing but failure after failure.
It's a hard way to exist...... just by itself, forget the failures. Forget the failures, just do now.
Finish getting dressed. Get outside to do works, including to work on back ***. It's getting later and failure is knocking on the back door, even if i did get some cleaning done.
5/31/25 ..........