Stay STUCK in my own Muck, or FIGHT, like never before! Again and again.
Listed below are other threads, I created, on this topic, in the past. I always seem to spiral downhill to the point of hopelessness.
But then I fight, not because I'm strong. Because I'm snared and scared of what will happen if I don't fight. (not about harming myself, but, about losing everything... including my dreams and aspirations)
After I fight myself out of danger, I'm able to maintain and function with just a little bit of hope.
If I visit this thread, It's because I'm down and almost out. (but not out yet). I come here to talk myself out of hopelessness.
Anyone is welcome to interact, share, and just let it all out. Find a little relief, and hope to continue on.
Listed below are past threads:
OCTOBER 31 2025 FRIDAY
---> Getting out of the financial MUCK! <---
This is the beginning of a battle towards financial security for the start of 2026. I wish I could talk about real money but I fear that turns people off and more importantly, it might make others, less fortunate, and struggling harder, roll thier eyes and feel worse. Money doesn't bring happiness. BUT it does give us freedom. Freedom to make choices.... Those choices can destroy us or enrich us. It alway comes back to choices and consequences.
But First WE Must Earn the Money
(I can make my choices later, after all my bills are paid)
FREEDOM.
(My 30 day goal is to find and complete as many jobs as possible, to gain a finanancial advantage)
OCTOBER 30 2025 THURSDAY (Day 1)
Stay disciplined with morning routine. Fill out paperwork for upcoming jobs.
OCTOBER 31 2025 FRIDAY (Day 2)
The double edged sword of self employment versus an obligated or hired job resposibility. balancing personal tasks with work obligations. A hired job position, dictates your day and makes it easier to to delay personal to-do's. I'm not saying that's good, but it does result in a more consistent income.
Today is one of those days where my personal/business tasks are mingled together and the business advantage can get muddy, resulting in an unsatisfactory outcome.
(DAY 2) - Repair truck brakes - call supply house for delivery - call customer for approval to start job.
- get past personal tasks quickly -
(Day 1) Went well, from a business point of view. I got paid for a previous job, a small amount, but a paycheck nontheless. In the process, strenghening a customer bond and aquiring another future job.
@IsayUncle
(Day 2) 9:00AM: Struggling with discipline and progress. MUST overcome for financial freedom.
NOVEMBER 1 2025 SATURDAY
---> Getting out of the financial MUCK! <---
This is the beginning of a battle towards financial security for the start of 2026. I wish I could talk about real money but I fear that turns people off and more importantly, it might make others, less fortunate, and struggling harder, roll thier eyes and feel worse. Money doesn't bring happiness. BUT it does give us freedom. Freedom to make choices.... Those choices can destroy us or enrich us. It alway comes back to choices and consequences.
But First WE Must Earn the Money
(I can make my choices later, after all my bills are paid)
FREEDOM.
(My 30 day goal is to find and complete as many jobs as possible, to gain a finanancial advantage)
OCTOBER 30 2025 THURSDAY (Day 1)
Stay disciplined with morning routine. Fill out paperwork for upcoming jobs.
OCTOBER 31 2025 FRIDAY (Day 2)
The double edged sword of self employment versus an obligated or hired job resposibility. balancing personal tasks with work obligations. A hired job position, dictates your day and makes it easier to to delay personal to-do's. I'm not saying that's good, but it does result in a more consistent income.
Today is one of those days where my personal/business tasks are mingled together and the business advantage can get muddy, resulting in an unsatisfactory outcome.
- Repair truck brakes - call supply house for delivery - call customer for approval to start job.
- get past personal tasks quickly -
NOVEMBER 1 SATURDAY (Day 3)
Struggling self-employment uses a lot of time we never get paid for. BUT.... we must do it to get any kind of paycheck.
Today I have to get things in order, to start physical work tomorrow.
2 BIGGIES: 1) LAYOUT THE JOB ON PAPER. 2) BE SURE ALL TOOLS, FUEL AND FLUIDS ARE LOADED ON TRUCK.
Plus all my personal tasks, as not to get overwhelmed and shutdown. Today is day 3 towards making a good paycheck.
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(DAY 2) Worked on truck but not a complete success. (Usable now). I got the job delivery scheduled and approval from homeowner to start the job this weekend.
(Day 1) Went well, from a business point of view. I got paid for a previous job, a small amount, but a paycheck nontheless. In the process, strenghening a customer bond and aquiring another future job.
NOVEMBER 2 2025 SUNDAY
---> Getting out of the FINANCIAL MUCK! <---
This is the beginning of a battle towards financial security for the start of 2026. I wish I could talk about real money but I fear that turns people off and more importantly, it might make others, less fortunate, and struggling harder, roll thier eyes and feel worse. Money doesn't bring happiness. BUT it does give us freedom. Freedom to make choices.... Those choices can destroy us or enrich us. It alway comes back to choices and consequences.
But First WE Must Earn the Money
(I can make my choices later, after all my bills are paid)
FREEDOM.
(My 30 day goal is to find and complete as many jobs as possible, to gain a finanancial advantage)
OCTOBER 30 2025 THURSDAY (Day 1)
Stay disciplined with morning routine. Fill out paperwork for upcoming jobs.
OCTOBER 31 2025 FRIDAY (Day 2)
The double edged sword of self employment versus an obligated or hired job resposibility. balancing personal tasks with work obligations. A hired job position, dictates your day and makes it easier to to delay personal to-do's. I'm not saying that's good, but it does result in a more consistent income.
Today is one of those days where my personal/business tasks are mingled together and the business advantage can get muddy, resulting in an unsatisfactory outcome.
- Repair truck brakes - call supply house for delivery - call customer for approval to start job.
- get past personal tasks quickly -
NOVEMBER 1 SATURDAY (Day 3)
Struggling self-employment uses a lot of time we never get paid for. BUT.... we must do it to get any kind of paycheck.
Today I have to get things in order, to start physical work tomorrow.
2 BIGGIES: 1) LAYOUT THE JOB ON PAPER. 2) BE SURE ALL TOOLS, FUEL AND FLUIDS ARE LOADED ON TRUCK.
Plus all my personal tasks, as not to get overwhelmed and shutdown. Today is day 3 towards making a good paycheck.
NOVEMBER 2 SUNDAY (Day 4)
I have to hustle this morning because I failed most things yester due to lack of motivation or discipine. I'm not ready to start my job project but have to get there and make a showing anyway. This morning I have to stay super focused and diligent to have everything I need ready for the day.
Today: Start a septic system for a customer. A paying job with good income.
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(DAY 3) Pretty much a failed day, but I did manage to organize some customer related stuff, to keep some rythym towards financial gain.
(DAY 2) Worked on truck but not a complete success. (Usable now). I got the job delivery scheduled and approval from homeowner to start the job this weekend.
(Day 1) Went well, from a business point of view. I got paid for a previous job, a small amount, but a paycheck nontheless. In the process, strenghening a customer bond and aquiring another future job.
Today is day 10 of trying to get out of my financial muck. I've been working a big job for the past six days so that will help a lot.
Getting my personal world in order today will help me to work more effectively next week.
I don't even know where to begin.
12/13/25 SATURDAY:
Find myself, once again, stuck in my own muck. I have little reason or little purpose to pull myself up out of it except for one glaring objective.
The one glaring objective I do not want to live like this if I lived like this yesterday, and I live like this again today then literally I am doing exactly what I do not want to do. I am living like this when I have a strong enough mind and a strong enough body, that I don't have to.
I think it would be easier to break out of this mold if I knew what caused these breakdowns which are seeded by....... It would be better if I did not talk about these things or they would just depress me more. I can talk myself out of this fight by thinking about these things as I get sick to my stomach and a headache starts to encroach behind my eyeballs.
8:00AM: Do something.... Report back 1 hour for accountability.
@IsayUncle
Reporting back 9:25AM.... I stayed busy doing some things.....,
Now, 9:27AM: Wash dishes, Give progress report in one hour.
@IsayUncle
I wonder what part of my brain tells my legs not to work...... GET UP! Go start the dishes.
@IsayUncle
Pulled myself up out of the muck a little bit. I've been staying busy in the kitchen. I've also made a phone call,
@IsayUncle
opps.... on the previous post..... ........made a phone call, being social and interactive. I haven't finished all the dishes yet but, encouragingly close. 12:09pm.
12:20PM: Next 1 hour task - Morning tasks.
@IsayUncle
So... it is 1:25pm and I JUST FINISHED THE DISHES! It is discouraging because , now, I'm tired.
I will rest with regret, which is not good rest.
But also knowing i did more than yesterday, which is a good thing.
I will rest and hope to pursue more tasks later.
@IsayUncle
Still a loser today. Still in the muck. Got one chore done and then dirtyed up the kitchen, stuffed my face watched TV.....
But, still better than yesterday.....
Try to do some more, before tomorrow.....
The only way out of the muck is to do something a little more than yesterday untill I get back on solid ground.
Just a little bit more right now....... 4:36PM...... Do something.
@IsayUncle
do 1 more thing, just one more thing. 634pm.....
@IsayUncle
OK...OK, got that done..... 1 more thing, clean kitchen again so it's done for the morning..... 722pm..... just 1 more thing.
@IsayUncle
12/14/25 SUNDAY
One step at a time yesterday got me a little bit up out of the muck. I've been active this morning getting some things done but it's been kinda hard.
It's 8:02AM and I need to rest a little bit.
@IsayUncle
I did some other little chores and more cooking and cleaning of kitchen. Feel like resting again. 1035am.
Staying close to the MUCK PIT but not quite in it...... yet!
@IsayUncle
12:58 PM. Officially back in the muck on a Sunday. The reasons don't matter, I'm not in as deep as I was yesterday but surely in the muck again so it's back to one thing at a time.
Just do something, one thing, that's all.
@Amanda84
Thank you for your support. My method is a bit pathetic but something is better than nothing. Thanks again. I hope ur having a good day. 😀.
@IsayUncle
Still trying. Definetly in the muck again!
Make electrolyte mix. Sew pants.... just one thing ata time
MONDAY 12/15/25
TODAY, I FIGHT!
3:11AM: PHYSICAL THERAPIES - MORNING TASKS - KITCHEN WORK
@isayuncle I'm a little late to this thread. I love how you are working so hard to fight your inner enemy (does that describe it?) It can be so hard to find motivation. I like how you are putting all of your focus on the one most pressing or most important task! Can I ask do you have a daily routine or anything you do consistently every day?
@reservedOwl321
Thank you. AND yes, i have a very strong list. (not for the full day.... just to start the day, which oveflows into the essentials for the week)... Often though, it takes all day or two, sometimes longer to keep up with it. Those 3 items above are part of my core balance list.
Months ago, I called it my "Core Balance" list. (bare daily basics). I had to do them to have any sense of pesonal/mental balance.
How about you? Do you try to maintan a list.
I do have a daily list. A very basic list. I am pretty good about mornings, I struggle with the evening which I guess is supposed to set you up for the morning. I can definitely relate to your struggle. Having to take multiple days to get through your morning tasks sometimes. I have had to change my list lately and I'm kind of adding in the miracle morning. I like it, but change can be hard. What I like the best about adding the miracle morning is that journaling is part of it. I have gotten out of journaling and am happy to be back into it again.
@reservedOwl321
P.S. "inner enemy" can be a very accurate desription.
I actually feel like it is a life long, natural opposing force. Like an enemy, it's me against it. It's an opponent that I am burdened with and sadly, it is a very strong opponent. It's a natural opponent and what makes it different from an enemy, is, it does nothing on purpose to cause me harm or deterance.
Kind of like a heavy snow storm and it is very important for me to get to my car so that I can function for the day. But the snow storm is so heavy that I have to decide if I want to work that hard to shovel to my car or just stay in the house and feel bad for not making it to work.
(It's a natural opposing force that I have to figure out how to get through it or live with it.) It means I know how, but it can cause me a lot of harm if (I can't or don't) figure out how to manage it.
I apologize for such, a seemingly pompous answer to a very simple question. But it's my way of remembering that nothing is out trying to hurt me, It's just a Hard side of nature to navigate.
BUT YES.... SOMETIMES it feels like, and is an inner enemy, to be defeated with all effort! (for sure!)
@isayuncle I'm rooting for you to get ahead of it all! I believe you can do it!
I feel my MUCK loosening up a little bit.... my depression is lessening but if i surrender to the feeling of inability today, I could destroy all the hard work and effort i did in the past two days....
I must stay strong today to get out of this muck completely for s while.
@IsayUncle
January 22 2025.
434pm: Oh poor me... Where and when does it become fun.... or just relaxed and satisfying... When?
436pm: Paint one sign. Unload truck.
1/26/26 Monday..... Hmmmmm, push on.... 644am.... clean kitchen table, fold clothes.
1/27/26 Tuesday. 9:13am: Morning tasks.