OCD
Does anyone else have slurs that they can’t reclaim repeating in their head as intrusive thoughts? I don’t have those as often anymore but during my one of my previous moral OCD episodes,, I kept over-researching the history of the slur to prove my thoughts wrong but that only got me more obsessed with them to the point of believing that I was actually a bigot which led to SH. I also kept speaking/whispering gibberish because it felt like the slur was gonna come out of my mouth at any second and at any point.
Anyway theres more to this has anyone else experienced anything similar to this?
@mochaccino
It's really brave of you to speak up and be honest.
I admire you for that 💙
And I hope you find the support you need here!
@mochaccino
Thanks for sharing. I haven't had that experience.
Have you heard of the pink elephant paradox? It's when someone says to not think of a pink elephant and what's the first thing we think of? A pink elephant. I wonder if something similar could be happening with these words - that the more you try to stop thinking of something, the more your brain focuses on it. It's a really challenging paradox.
It's also been said that the more you try to stop a behaviour, the worse it becomes, because the motivation behind the behaviour is not dealt with. I wonder what is driving your ocd, and wonder if you could focus on trying to improve that, rather than the ocd?
And. You're OK. Its OK to have a bad day. Or to get worse before you get better. You're working hard at something that's difficult. And that's good enough. Can you be OK with doing your best?
TW mentions of a hostile environment/gross “jokes”
Thank you for the supportive comment 💗 Also, as for the specific content of the repeating thoughts in my brain, it may be due to the environment that I'm in,, boys at my school loudly say the n slur when the slur is not theirs to reclaim and constantly make child rpe + cp jokes. I find them reprehensible and beyond gross but my emotional reaction eventually numbed down to it and I hate that. I don't know how to but I wish I could try to undo the affects, and I should’ve reported their behaviour long ago but I was scared that authorities might say that bringing up what they say is inappropriate or that I just should just “get over it”. Hearing what they have said for the dozen times were genuinely shocking for me since I could never imagine anyone just casually making such reprehensible jokes like that, especially in-front of teachers, but a lot of the teachers don’t understand their “slang” so they were just able to get away with it as if it was nothing.
@mochaccino I've had similar experiences, you're not alone, and you truly matter ❤️ Sending you all my love 💗💗
