OCD pressure on romantic relationships
Hello everyone,
I hope youre all doing well, and if you arent, I hope youll feel better soon.
I was diagnosed with OCD, wow, almost a decade ago now. I was in grade ten, but my memories of what I now know to be persistent obsessions stretch back to about the age of 9. My OCD has almost always been invisible to friends and family—I tend to have mental compulsions accompanying my obsessions rather than physical ones.
The obsessions themselves have changed and rotated year after year, but there has always been one common theme: my obsessions try to convince me that I am in some way a bad person. The worst kind of person, someone who has crossed some unredeemable line.
In grades ten to twelve, for example, I was afraid I was going to hell because intrusive thoughts lashed out at God on my behalf—whom I no longer believe in.
Now that Im older, different obsessions of this sort target people I have romantic feelings for to the point that I always fear I would be taking advantage of them by being with them. My OCD convinces me that something is wrong with me that would cause the person to reject me if they knew about it. My OCD also tells me that if I have sex with them without divulging whatever is wrong with me, this would constitute rape because I would be taking away their informed consent.
I am feeling lonely as a result of this pattern, and I dont know how to break it. Has anyone experienced something similar? Does anyone have advice?
@HappyGal4 I get similar obsessions/compulsions. I wish I knew a way to help, but I hope it helps you to know that you aren't alone - it helped me just reading your post!
@HappyGal4
You certainly are not alone there! Pretty much day after day for the past few years (I've had OCD for at least 6, 7 years) I have had that exact obsession. I know, it feels neverending, like a sinkhole-bubble that you can't get out of. You definitely are not alone in how you feel.
@HappyGal4
I know this post is a little old, but please know you're not alone. Reading this actually helped me feel less alone. It's funny that I too had sacrilegious intrusive thoughts when I was younger and Catholic. Thoughts and obsessions really seem to change based on age, beliefs, and current events happening in one's life. Mine can be job-related, relationship-related, or breakup-related. It's just those never-ending loops of intrusive thoughts that are constantly searching for proof that I'm a bad person. Breakups are the worst.... the self-loathing is so intense. I saw something the other day that said:
"How would you describe yourself if you were the person that loves you the most?"
It really helps to ask yourself this when spiraling down those negative thoughts.
