How to convince my wife to go to the hospital?
For this I need all your empathy. Please don't be rude, okay?
My wife and me have been together for 15 years and are planning to have a baby.
She is 9 months now and suddenly started acting anxious.
I sat with her for a small talk.
She confessed she doesn't want to go to the hospital for labor because she has a medical phobia...and I can prove that.
At hospital she screams, slide to the ground and make a big deal out if anything.
I'm embarrased to say...we barely have any medical test done during her pregnany.
I know, you may think "how irresponsible !!" And yes it is but...put yourself in my shoes. Seeing your partner squirmimg and crying like you are k her....thats not cool nor easy to handle. I'm a very sensitive man.
She prefers to stay on her bed with a few blankets and pillows and give birth there. Honestly... I don't care! It's her most painful moment, she must do what feels better.
I don't think that's legal tho...also, what if she starts bleeding? Or the baby struggles?
This is a hard decision guys. She never goes to the hospital because she is afraid of needles, pain, bad diagnosis, IVs...
Any help? I want the womens of my life to be healthy.
@neatStrawberries2627 Before hospitals, there were midwives. I think they still exist. Maybe some light experience in the room is better than all out medical experience. I think you’ll want to make a plan to get your wife to a hospital in the event of an emergency though. Perhaps you can contact someone in mental health and they can help you work with a medical team to plan for that. Some women deliver with the aid of some kind of sedation and that might be an option if she is in hospital and undergoing panic.
I feel for you. Hope you find answers, and ultimately hope your wife and new baby are healthy and that this is a happy time for everyone.
I told her they put anesthesia for the pain and she started to have an anxiety attack, she screamed how big the needle are going to be...you can see whats the issue...
We tried therapy 3 times but it didn't work
All I know is, in case of emergency I will drag her. I feel like its abusive but I want both my girls alive...
Thank you for your kind words, I'm trying my best to find a solution.
If she doesn't want to go to the hospital for the birth, perhaps a homebirth with a midwife would suit her wishes better. There are plenty of women out there today that do prefer homebirths over hospital births.
Yes! I put that option for her to consider but she said she doesn't want medical help that may include shots or IVs (I honestly don't know how home birth works when it comes to IVs)
I'm still searching for info about that. At this point I feel like she just want to lock herself away and struggle alone :/
@neatStrawberries2627 Can you access a birthing center and is there one near you? If I had a friend like this, I would have recommended therapy to them a long time ago. It's very likely she will need medical care for something serious in the future. Also what if you have a child who needs a hospital stay?
I hope she gets through pregnancy and delivers a healthy baby without too much stress.
My main issue is her, since I can take the baby to the hospital and stay myself but what about her...? I can just drag her and watch her crying and suffocate.
We also tried therapy in 3 different times (even before the pregnancy) and she refuses to follow the tips the therapist gave her.
About the birthing center, we have one a few minutes away, I showed it to her and she almost panicked
@neatStrawberries2627
Generally, home births are easier than hospital births. They're quicker and less painful, and you could do some research on them.
Sounds like you are doing everything you can, so keep doing that. Maybe have a word with the local midwife team and organise a home birth. My sister had 2 of her children at home. The first one went perfectly fine, midwife present so no need to visit a hospital. Second one came early before a midwife could attend so did have to go into hospital for a check once the baby was delivered. If mother and baby are healthy it can be an option to explore. Good luck
Hi @neatStrawberries2627 . 🌺 I commend you for seeking support in caring for your wife (who is a mom-to-be). I can only imagine the hardship she is experiencing as time gets closer for labor/delivery, as well as your own difficulties in managing the situation. You are such a courageous, loving partner who seems like a supportive friend to her, above all.
You've received some really good suggestions in finding doula, midwife, or birthing center that can help prepare her (and you) for a safe home birth. Once you establish a short list of options in your area/region, it's time to consider further supporting your partner with a Continued Wellness Plan that includes someone she can safely talk to (about her concerns and feelings on a weekly basis or as needed). May I ask, are there any relatives, friends, or supportive like-minded individuals that she trusts? Perhaps, you can help her connect to that person and it can reassure her about the homebirth process even further. 😊 And let's make sure that you are coping well along the way, too. You deserve wellness and support.
In conclusion, it may be most beneficial to establish who she feels safe talking to, introducing her to homebirth options through an at-home doula/midwife interview, and remembering that you are not alone in this birthing journey. We wish you all the best and we're here for you and your lovely mom-to-be. Stay well 🌺
A personal note: [I've personally experienced 1 homebirth, assisted with two homebirths, and you may also find some great Listeners here on 7Cups that can further support your journey by searching "Parenting"....and also in the Forums for "birth". Please feel welcome to reach out to us during this process. You've got this and we're sincerely here to support!]
Thank you so much for your nice words. She is the love of my life, all I want is her happiness and make the pain less.
We have family and friends but all she gets is a "it's not that bad", "a lot of women did that and they are just fine" and...i feel it Insensitive?
Right now I'm looking for all the options on this thread 💕
@neatStrawberries2627 It's a challenge when there is limited support. We're here for you, though. I hope that you find all the right resources needed soon. And congratulations to both of you.
@neatStrawberries2627
She can have a baby at home if she prefers. Are there any nurse midwives in your area that can provide care for her and the baby?
It must be difficult for you to be in this situation. And it seems as though it is difficult for your wife. Have you expressed your concern for her and the baby? Has she tried seeking help to overcome the anxiety that she has?
Outside of those questions
, I honestly don't know what to say. It kinda stinks this is a struggle for you and her. I wish you both the absolute best.
Take care of it each other the best way your both know how!!
She always hide her issues, you know, past traumas.
When I see her so anxious I sit with her for a talk. Thats how I found out about this issue.
I tried to express my concern and make her know I will be by her side during the process but she refused. She is a little stubborn, she denies any form of help when she goes in her "safe mode"(ignore everything)
