Anyone with BPD in a relationship?
Hey community, you can call me Dee. I was recently diagnosed with BPD around the same time as my one year anniversary with my boyfriend (longest relationship I've ever been in). We just moved in together and want to do everything to stay committed to loving and supporting eachother but as many of you know, some days are worse than others.
Anyone else on here with BPD who is attempting to make a long term relationship work? There are not a lot of success stories online. Feels like a bad stereotype. I would LOVE to talk to real people (beating stereotypes) and hear more about your experience... exchange stories and coping strategies.
Thank you for reading!
@adaptableVase7539
Hi!
I've been in a relationship for 6 years now and counting! I have elements of BPD but getting the diagnosis seems to vary person to person.
Initially when the diagnosis of BPD was thrown around I was trawling through the internet trying to find stories and support, but instead all I found were threads like 'stay away' and 'run' and 'she/he hurt me'. So none of that was comforting!
I think what's probably important to know is that success stories of relationships with BPD are out there - it's just that people don't always feel the need to talk about happy relationships?! We always bring to light the awful stuff but never things that are going well. You'll never find an article online of 'People are still in a relationship with BPD and things are okay" haha 
Anyway I'm happy to answer any questions that you have! and I'm sure posting this on the BPD thread you'll probably find so many more people in the same boat as you!
@romanticthi3f: I've never been diagnosed with BPD yet, but yeah like you, I identify with it too much for it to not be some type of personality disorder, either BPD and/or something else. I've found the same things on the net about relationships with someone with BPD being told to run or that it didn't work out, which I find very stressful, especially since I am most likely one of them. This makes me fear my marriage won't work out because of it too. My current husband has put up with a lot from me and I realize it now. I dunno why he continued to stay with me cuz anybody else would have been out the door or I would have left them first. I'll continue to do my best to keep my marriage intact. I'm constantly looking for help anywhere and everywhere, constantly learning more about my childhood and what caused all this in the first place. It's not easy by any means. I am afraid of what will happen to me if this marriage suddenly ends...very afraid at this time that is. These episodes usually pass after a while with the happy, sad, afraid, etc...all taking turns of their own driving me crazy.
Hi!
Thankfully in my case, my boyfriend knows and understands what I'm going through from personal experience.
I'm open with him about my worries and make honest communication about how I feel about certain things a priority (although sometimes I go all obsessive overboard and spam paragraphs, I need to work on that haha). I explained to him and now when he makes jokes, in parentheses he says (sarcastic) or (not sarcastic) about how he meant the tone of what he sent and oh my goodness it's so so amazingly helpful. I feel silly, I feel insecure, it's only been a few months but I feel confident and hopeful. Communication and self-reflection have been helping me. Of course I worry though- what if I go overboard, he gets freaked out, he gets frustrated with me-- the usual stuff. That's just my brain, and I remind myself that. What I do is take screenshots of times he's complimented me, reassured me, or said something sweet and caring. When I'm overwhelmed and worries he hates me, I reread them and it helps so so much. But I'm very confident with this relationship, that's for sure :)
@adaptableVase7539 yeah am new here but yes am married, we have been together for four years & have kid together.
I'm borderline and have been in a relationship for 3 years. It's over now, but I do my best to cope.
Hope no one interpreted my words as a discouragement. I wish you all the best! 
@adaptableVase7539
heya
I'm diagnosed with BPD and am in a functioning relationhip. I've done a lot of hard work on myself, yes, but I still have bad days. To make a relationship work, you first need to work on yourself, on controling yourself, through therapy and self-awareness. Of course it depends on your partner, if he's able to be there with you even in those bad days.
Good luck!
@adaptableVase7539
Hi, I was diagnosed BPD Feb 4th, 2015 it is a struggle I have been married now 30 years. It is very possible to have a deep loving meaningful relationship/marriage as long as he understands you he has to be in it 100% there will be good times and very bad dark times and with love understanding and patience, you can work through anything we have. 1 more thing he has to know that it isn't about him and make him understand when u are angry or hostile and you yell and scream at him its not him its whatever triggered you at least that's what we have found and he knows and we talk all the time no secrets at all we know everything about each other we have made a lot of mistakes in our relationship but we always work through it if you ever want to chat message me.
@adaptableVase7539 i hope this happens for me one day. got out of a long term relationship with the girl i thought i would spend my life with. turns out she didnt like me when i 'became' toxic. its sad
@adaptableVase7539
Hi Dee,
I am newly in a relationship with someone I was engaged to previously (it was a mutual break up, and we were both open to the possibility of trying again in the future). We have known each other for just over four years, and have been good friends for pretty much that entire time. At this point, I plan on spending the rest of my life with this guy.
For me, I think one of the biggest reasons I am so confident in my relationship is because I have an amazing guy. He knew from day one that I have mental health issues, and he chose to pursue me anyway. He is so incredibly patient with me, he is understanding, and he is willing to work with me. He wasn't always this way; I mean, he was always sweet to me and supportive, it's just it's really been within the last 5 months that he decided to make the conscious effort to be everything I needed in a partner.
Our biggest relationship assets are our communication and our respect for each other. Some of the hardest parts of BPD, for me, are the times of feeling empty/nothing and the pendulum swings of idealization/devaluation within relationships. My partner is pretty perceptive of my moods and emotions, so he can usually tell with I'm feeling empty/nothing or swinging away (when I feel empty/nothing, I tend to pull away from the relationship/want to break it off, beacuse when I'm single, I can date other guys and get that feeling of excitement). When I am out of sorts like that, I know in my head that I love my partner, I just don't feel it (or anything else, for that matter). Like I said, my partner can usually tell when I'm starting to swing, so he will sit with me, hold me, and ask what's going on. We have built a trust between us that I know with 1000% certainty that I can tell him absolutely anything without him getting mad or retaliating against me, so I am open and honest with him. He asks clarifying questions to really tease out what I am feeling (or not feeling), and then he validates my experience. He tells me that everything will be okay, that he still loves me, that he knows this will pass, and that he will support me in any way he can until I feel back to myself.
It has taken a lot of work for the two of us to get to this point in our relationship, and we both know it is going to be an ongoing challenge to continue improving it. I had to learn a lot about myself and what makes me tick, so that I could tell my partner that information so he can support me.
I guess the long story short is, I have BPD, and I am in an amazing relationship. One of the biggest reasons the relationship is so great is we are constantly communicating our thoughts and feelings to each other.
I hope this was helpful for you!
I have been in a relationship for over a year now but it's been very difficult....
@adaptableVase7539
Hi, Dee. I'm Chancey. I've been in a relationship for a year and a half now, with a boy that makes me beyond happy. Some days are good. Some are bad. Some are wonderful. Some are nearly perfect. And some are crappy with a side of nonstop crying. My boyfriend has some undiagnosed stuff going on in his cute lil brain and I have OCD and BPD. The BPD feeds my OCD, so I'm pretty much a sack of crying flesh a lot of the time because I get so damn worried about stuff happening to him, or to us, or him doing something, or me doing something, or blah blah blah blah blah (cue crying). But, I love him. And he loves me. And he helps me a lot. He calls me on my crap. He tells me when I'm being too much. He tells me when I'm making excuses, or unknowingly manipulating him, or overexaggerating/overreacting. He knows me better than I know myself. And that's why I'm still going. He is my anchor, my safety blanket. He is my sunshine on the rainiest of days, even when he's the one that caused the storm, whether he did it knowingly or not. He knows that I think differently, that I feel so intensely at times that I could just explode. He knows that I'm a little screwed up. And so is he. We build together, grow together. A happy, long term relationship is possible. Ours isn't entirely happy, I will admit. We have issues. And we need to work on some stuff, big time. But, hey, everybody does. Nobody is perfect, and no relationship is either, for sure.