I Need Help
I was diagnosed with BPD along with a severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. I'm constantly in a battle with myself in my head and I feel like I'm going to break soon 😔 I just want to learn how to deal with these issues in a healthy way and live a normal life..
• I'm horrible at expressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I have so much I want to say, but when it's my turn to talk, all the words jumble up in my head and nothing comes out. My mind races and I can't focus on what I want to say.
• I feel like I don't feel emotions as I should. When I hear good news, I'm "happy" but I don't feel as excited as I should. I love my family, but don't care enough to chat or check up on them. When I'm upset, everything upsets me.
• My PTSD affects my sex life. I'm terrified if I'm touched too close to my privates without being stimulated first, so much so that it makes my sex drive disappear and I'm full of fear and panic.
• What bothers me the most about my mental health issues is how it affects my ability to be a good mother. I love my son, I want to be there for him and with him, I want to spend all of my time with him, but I don't. I miss him, but I don't go to see him.
• I have a serious addiction to my phone and marijuana. I'm on my phone 24/7 and I use marijuana daily to help me sleep and cope, but I know it's not doing anything for me besides draining my bank account.. But I can't stop..
I want to do better, feel better, be better. I not only want but need to be a good mother for my son.
@AOG23
When your thoughts are all out of place, maybe writing what you want to say or rehearsing you words may help. You are not alone when your thoughts are all over and do not know how to word them correctly, I suffer from it too.
Keeping a journal may help this why your able to work on those thoughts. write them down one day and go to it a few days later.
Please know if you need to talk I am here .
Hi there @AOG23,
I see you are a new member here, so firstly a warm welcome here! I am glad you have joined 7cups and our sub-community. I hope you will enjoy this experience and you will find the support you are looking for. Please do not hesitate to reach out if there is anything we or I can do for you 
You are dealing with a lot: BPD, depression, anxiety and PTSD. I am very impressed by the level of awareness you have in regard to how they are impacting your life. For instance, you describe in such details how difficult it is for you to express your thoughts and feelings, how disconnected you are perhaps from your emotions, how difficult for you is to enjoy your sexual life. This all feels very challenging and your awareness of it is such an important step. You say you want to do better, feel better, be better, and you absolutely deserve this and can make it happen.
You may know it already, but we have a few more subcommunities that you would like perhaps to join? I will link them below. There are also a few self-help guides with helpful info, I will provide links to them as well.
If you would like to share some more about what is going on for you, I'd be happy to listen to you. You are not alone. I am sending you a safe tight hug if that is ok with you
Anxiety Support subcom and self-help guide
@sunflower2480 Thank you so much! Your response has bought tears to my eyes. I will definitely join the communities and I will reach out to you as well.
@AOG23
You are very welcome and I am looking forward to seeing you around
First of all, I'm sorry you have such health problems. I do hope you will find the solutions that will help to solve them. But I didn't understand about marijuana. Do you use regular or medical cannabis? I use CBD oil for insomnia and anxiety and it works for me. But what I've recently found out that the same cbd products can have different effects, because we all are different. So, if one product doesn't work for you, maybe you just need to try another one.
@ErikaS I use regular cannabis, I have for many years and it has always helped, or at least I thought it did.