BPD
Has anyone else dealt with this? My bf broke up with me but we still live together and I still call him baby, but even time he reminds me we aren't dating I get ticked off and I started yelling and telling him that he's the only one I love and unless he hates me, I won't stop. But then I calm down and tell him that I just love him and if he thinks I should stop I'll stop, but idk how to stop?... I want there to be a chance for him and I to get back together but he wants me to get better mentally. I don't care about myself enough to do it for me so I told him I need him by my side in order to do so, and he refuses and says I should just be doing it for myself. I don't know how to explain it to him.
@compassionateBalloon3854 "I don't care about myself enough to do it for me so I told him I need him by my side in order to do so, and he refuses and says I should just be doing it for myself."
This was such a sad read for me to hear you say you don't care about yourself enough to do it for you... 😞 Why? How could you not? Don't you know how important you are? You are worth it! I assure you. ❤️
But if I may put my 2 cents in here-- I agree with him. You should do it for you and you only. Relying on external validation from him or anyone else in your life to feel worthy or loved is going to eventually be draining and then what? You've got to have a love for yourself and want to get better for you. Please try and work through these feelings and emotions you have and seek support if you need.
I hope things get better for you. Please take care.
I unfortunately only feel better when I get external validation. Growing up my mom was nicer when I had good grades and cleaned the apartment well, and then when I lived with my dad it was the same. Once my mental health started declining and my therapist at the time suggested that I have BPD but I was still 17 at the time, my dad took me away from therapy and was a bit harsher on me. I worked harder trying to get his approval and hoping that my mental health didn't show as obviously as I felt it was. They only love me when I'm at my best, so I tried to be my best but once I wasn't, it felt like I was alone. I don't want to be alone.
@compassionateBalloon3854 I'm so sorry you feel like that was the only way you could be loved. You did not deserve to feel like love and kindness only came with conditions! This is heartbreaking. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance. I truly believe you will find someone who can love you as you are and that there is hope for you! ❤️ I will say a special prayer for you tonight before bed. Hugs. 🤗👐🫂
Thank you.
@compassionateBalloon3854 You're so welcome. ♡☆
@compassionateBalloon3854
That sounds really lonely having a bunch of people close to you pushing you away unless if you're able to somehow magically solve all of your mental health issues. 😢
I'm struck by how you were seeing a therapist, they identified something that was happening that made sense of the difficult experiences you were having (BPD)... and that could've been a catalyst for a lot of good things happening (e.g. learning about things that help with BPD, working on that, gradually feeling better--while having a therapist supporting and cheering you on). There are tools/things specific to BPD that help that people can do on their own, but also part of what makes therapy effective is just having a human being treating you like a person who's worth caring about (and then after a while maybe some of that sticks and you begin to value yourself because someone else who you value saw something good/decent in you).
But instead your dad kind of swooped in and pulled you out of therapy before you had a chance to benefit from it or understand "what do I actually do about this thing that you've diagnosed me with?" And then he started treating you *worse* after you were diagnosed, which must have felt like he was punishing you for having feelings or being honest/open about how much you were struggling. It's unfair/bizarre that he took away something that had a very good chance of helping, and then he got mad at you for not feeling better after he did that.
The bf breaking up with you and insisting that you not treat him like a bf sounds like another situation that would feel pretty scary in the context of everything else that's happened. You're kind of starving for this validation that nobody is giving you, but they'll only give it to you if you do something that feels impossible (i.e. have different feelings/mental health than you do).
I hope you're able to find people on this site you can share things with who are okay with you not being at your best or having feelings that can't be instantly solved. 💜
Sharing an obligatory list of self-help resources for BPD:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder_326/ResourcesforBPD_268269/
@compassionateBalloon3854
i’m sorry that you have been feeling like this lately. Remember that you deserve to be with someone that will love you through each mental and emotional side of you.
I can't speak for you but for me the best way I'veexplained it is that i've spent my whole life using and needing external validation. People pleasing, fawning, being a perfectionist and so the validation of the one I love is the most Influential. Bc of the trauma and rejection and abandonment I never learned to love myself and rely on others to give me my self worth. It sucks but I literally can't do it for me. Only for the love of others. I'm sorry your struggling and I pray it gets better for you.
To be honest even if it's not his own mental health and he may have the audacity to think it as a burden I would say it's very rude to tell someone off like that. Everyone knows that they have to start dealing with their own mental health but the environment is equally important, same with supporting relations. If there's none, there should be completely none. You should make your environment positive for yourself before starting to deal with your own mind. I hope you overcome this.
