Don’t know where to start
A friend reached out to me that I wish have talked to me for a while. She texted me that she had a boy friend that is 4 years older than her and they wanted to know if I wanted to do something the 4th of July. I said no I was busy and they just answered that they are going to a concert alone. I have not answered back bc I was busy but to be honest I’ve been fuming that she texted that too me after not talking for so long and that’s literally all we talked about. I really want to give her the benefit of the doubt but I don’t know nothing about her and that’s all she said. How do I tell her I want to talk about her? How do I tell her that after all this time she could have texted me about her day or how she’s doing, she tells me she’s dating someone 4 years old…. I’m not the best at keeping friends because they give me the ick so fast that I hate them. To be honest someone would trigger me and I don’t know how to tell them and I just silently leave them. It may be a bad “habit” but shouldn’t I worry about my problems or give people the benefit of the doubt?
Oops I made a typo I meant 4 years OLDER!!!!!
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327
Yeah, I assumed that was what you meant 😅
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327
Hi there. 💜 Can see how that whole interaction would give the ick, particularly the "okay fine, we'll go without you then". (Not sure why she felt the need to mention that, lol.) And agree it's a bit weird for the only communication after not talking for a while to be "do you want to come to a concert on this day?"
If I'm giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe her reaching out and asking to spend time together on 7/4 was actually her way of trying to reconnect (i.e. "it's been a while and I'd love to spend some time with you in-person and catch up; I'm actually going to be going to a concert on this day, would you like to come along? I feel like it could be fun").
From the first sentence in your post, it sounds like you've been wishing she would reach out and talk for a while. Given that, I wonder if it would be worthwhile to try to reach out to her and initiate/schedule something, even if the 4th doesn't work?
Sort of like "hey, the 4th doesn't work for me, but I'm still interested in catching up with you since it's been a while. Would you be available to {hang out / talk by phone / video-call} on ___ instead?" Could also possibly allow some 1-on-1 time without her boyfriend involved, if that feels important.
To be honest I was thinking of leaving her because I’m ashamed that I also haven’t been talking to her and I’ve been busy with work and I’m heading to collage soon. I just keep thinking I’m wasting her time being her friend and I should stop talking to her. But I’m projecting my feelings.
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327
From Personal experience, I have had this happen to me. If I were in your shoes, I would politely tell this person, " I respect that you are happy with your relationship, and who you are with. However, I do not appreciate that the conversations always defer to your man, relationship and etc. I would enjoy knowing how you have been, what you have been up too and just yapping like we used to do. If this is upsetting, then perhaps we should set ourselves in different directions, because a friendship can not flourish if you do not ask about how my day is, or how I am feeling if we are still stuck on the same loop of conversations." However, you can do what is best for you and only <3
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327
Same tbh, except it's 5yrs older lol. It's best you don't project yourself onto her, just try and catch up and she still continue steering towards her bf, it's probably best u keep away lyk I planned.
I tried keeping that relationship and genuinely just ended up getting weirder, blocked her...and am at peace I won't say u do the same but am sure u can get
I’m worried it’s going to get weird too because she only said it in passing and idk if she wanted me to be happy or ask questions so I just kinda ignored it and ghosted her. Maybe that’s not good but damn I haven’t talked to her in a while and she tells me that… I’m not proud if that’s what she’s looking for I’m concerned 💔
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327 hey sorry for late reply 🥲, have u talked to her?
