What is the most challenging thing about your personality disorder?

The hardest part is that goes on in your mind. For me, I function pretty normally to others and that's because I am a single parent and so have very much reason to get on with things. But to the outside world I am fine, but in my mind my thoughts are wild ,fast paced, erratic and my heart always physically aches and feels heavy.

I have bpd and it's caused me so much anguish..... the anger is just never ending. I'm constantly bored and irritable. I know I have bpd and mental illnesses, but I often continue to wonder what's wrong with me.... I constantly feel inhumane because I hate myself so much djdjdnd. I have a lot of paranoia, too, which is a big problem. I constantly feel disconnected from those I'm closest with. Honestly, half tha time I just feel like this sickening, ugly person. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist, so when others acklowedge me it catches me off guard bc I don't know how to respond. I need to be more responsible for my actions, but there will be times that I do t even realize I'm being manipulative, or something dndnfnd. I just feel awful about myself a lot.

BPD here, and who knows what else (I've only recently started seeing a psychologist and gotten this diagnosis but have suspected it and a couple others for a long time).

-The worst thing at the moment is the mood swings - flipping back and forth between rage and depression is exhausting and really sucks for those I live with.

-The disconnection with the outside world, including friends, or taking it personally when friends and family can't talk because they're working or otherwise busy.

-Also like @Nikkijaay said, being caught off guard when someone actually talks to me: I turn into a deer in the headlights and have no idea how to respond so potential conversations just die immediately.