Lost within days of old no longer
Lost within days of old no longer
Lost within the days of old
hearing mon fears of being alone
saying it be ok mom I here with you
brave and strong we have to be for her
we see her as a scared child even when was was the child
growing up to fast due to others words and actions
we hear dad saying you take care of your mom make sure she not get upset
lost within days of old
everyone but us is gone dad at work brothers at school
we try to get mom to get up but she no wake up
we feel alone and isolated what more could we have done
no one around to watch us to be their for us
so many times we was alone but not alone
her body was there and all but she was never there in away
lost within days of old
scared that she was no longer alive we just could not get her to wake up
why will you not wake up mommy
lost within days of old
we now understand why but still make no since to us
she was only asleep but due to pills she took we could not wake her up
no preschool should every feel so alone with someone there in the house
emotionally she was never there for us we had to be there for her
even now we at times feel guilty for not being there now for her
we moved away to be safe but left her behind
but we could not save her in days of old we can not not now save her
new understanding that it was never to be our job to be there for her emotionally
we the child she was the adult that was to be there for us emotionally
lost within days of old
hard to see the truth of it all she was like sticking her head in sand
she did not keep us safe at all even when she should have
she stayed within the abuse due to that we was not safe
lost within days of old
only she can save herself we could never make her leave
what a job for a child to be the parent to her mom be brave little one
lost within days of old
but now our eyes are opened to the truth
we can only save us no other one at all
we safe now away from it all but our we safe from it within
lost within days of old
finding our footing in the days of new
no longer a little child lost within days of old
but a grown women making a new life within freedom from it all
we be brace and strong now for us no longer for her
days of old becoming days of new
@stormieandpaws
"days of old becoming days of new"
Thank you for sharing the poem. I'm sad to read what happened to you as a child. You are right, you weren't responsible and it was unfair for you to have to be that situation.
But I also relate to how the guilt hangs on. I couldn't help my husband. I know I tried my best. But the "if onlys" don't leave me alone. "Live with what is, not what you wish is."
@Clio9876
thank you yes the memories there but we free now it been 8 1/2 years since we got 100% free of daily abuse. we been healing over 20 years. but some things only coming to light now. we yes deal with the guilt a lot but mostly over losing our kids when in the abuse ex hubby gave us all. yes the what if and what should have been. why we did not know how to get out with kids and be safe. they was taken by the government both exhubby and us lost parental rights. so yes guilt and shame still there.
@stormieandpaws
Oh, I feel for you! I never had kids, so I don't know, but I do believe that every mum's biggest desire is to protect her kids. So I can see this could be a source of lots of heartache for you. I will cross all the fingers I have that your kids will come looking for you when they are older, and all this work you do now to overcome your past, will be rewarded with great relationships with them.
@Clio9876
thanks we know two of them will never de able to do that they in adult fostercare here not even sure youngest would even remember us he was 3yr last time we saw him our two girls were only 6yr and 8yr old but yes we always wonder if they ok and how they doing
worst thing is they took them from us and put them in adoptive home were the mother abused them really badly in many ways too but all they did to her was take the kids she was put in adult forstercare too but no real punishments and was our 3 kids and as many all together 15 or more kids over many years we feel sadness for all the kids and angry about the added pain and abuse they end up having too
but a mothers hearts if good mom always thinking and feeling the hole within after kids taken we not only ones with this pain broken heart eith
pray for all the kids that been effected by things like this
@stormieandpaws
Thats a lot of terribly hard things for you to bear.
Does it help at all if I mention that people who were adopted at birth often go searching for their birth mother, so I don't think a memory of a birth mother is needed? It's seems to me that there's often just a strong need to discover one's roots. And I hope that will bring some of them back to you.
But whether they do or not, you deserve to enjoy the rest of your life and have support for those difficult feelings and memories.
@Clio9876
thank you the ones who still in government care the social workers that over them will let no family member see them our mom was very close to the oldest one and after she almost died she asked if she could see her kinda like one last time they even told her no we kinda know were oldest one is they told mom she like a 13 yr old as for as mentally we even wish we know what their adopted mom did to them the court stuff for that is sealed no one can get it
youngest one we know been in trouble with law since he was 9yr when he was 15yr they tryed to find one of our family members to take him our one niece was wanting too but after seeing his mental health and other records she just could not take him
middle one we heard was adopted again by a very nice older lady they kinda was taking care of each other but was at age 17yr too is what we heard so we got little information over the years but not through the government workers
but they been told lies all along so with that we not sure if we ever hear from them yougest was only 3yr last time we say him
what sad is the government here in USA is one of the only ones that if a child taken put in care that their parents get no updates and photos other places in world the get a yearly update even if they lost parental rights here it like to government that you never had them they no longer your kids we find that sad not just for us but for others like us
@stormieandpaws
using repetition in poetry provides emphasis and structure. The way you use lines “lost within days of old”provides emotional intensity of you seeking comfort and ultimately in the end you finding peace “within” yourself. When you change the lines to “no longer a little child lost within days of old” showcases your strength and growth you had which is very impactful and memorable. Thank you for sharing your childhood memories and experiences that shaped you today.
@Cranes1000
thank you for your comment we write from the heart yes things of old are beginning to be less and new things more after we moved it felt like a new beginning and freedom a lot of who we be today is from our past and changing things doing healing work too