Three things I need right now are... (finish sentence!)

1. self forgivness

2. to give back the shame to those whom it belongs to

3. to actually open up about what happened

1- love (whether it be romantic or platonic)

2- chocolate

3- self forgiveness

Sixty-thousand bucks, some time alone, and birds!

rest

Sleep

peace of mind

1. New full-time job/career.

2. My creative energy restored (so I can get back to writing my fiction)

3. Hope of finding love (please spare me the trite lecture about 'you don't need to be with someone to be happy,' if someone is happy being alone his/her entire life and living till the age of 80 in solitude, more power to that person. The word 'need' here doesn't apply the same way as food or water, ok? Look up Maslow's hierarchy of needs and look at statistics about the effects of loneliness which has been found to be as harmful to your health as smoking-- and I'm both a smoker and a super lonely SOB so I'm on fast track to meet with Grim Reaper. I don't know what mutual love is like, I'm not lovable to the overwhelming majority of women-- let me get disillusioned about love and find out how not great it is. but don't worry, i probably won't get it. And i won't live a long lonely life either. I'm sick of being stuck with nothing but my own company all the friggin time and i'm not getting some stupid blow-up doll or robot to fill the void of my lonely existence. I'd rather be lobotomized. So i'm not just casually sorta kinda thinkin, you know it'd be cool to have love if it happens but if not it's chillio, it's all good and whatevas yo-- it's the #1 thing i've wanted during my 33 years of pathetic life and i'm putting it on my F___G list and FRANKLY THAT'S WISH #1 AND THAT'S WHY I NEED A CAREER TO SUSTAIN MY STUPID EXISTENCE AND HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER so i'm eligible for love even though im unfrigginlovable and not likely to get it. done ranting.)

Caramel popcorn

a good movie

and some blankets

Happiness, clear mind, focus

Trust

Compassion

Hope

a way to get clients and not have to go back into retail

to not feel all alone in my fight for my life

money

sleep...money...pizza.