1 month after breakup
It's already been a month, it honestly feel like it happened yesterday. To keep things short and simple my ex broke up with me and we were together for 8 years, he cheated, he is telling people it was a mutual, and I think he is happy.
Everyday I think about him even when I try not to think about him he pops up. I panic when i see a truck like his when I'm out. When I think about him it's always " what should I do if he reaches out?, I wonder what he is doing, is he thinking about me?, is he going to forget me? What do I do if I see him with someone? What if his girlfriend tries to talk to me?" Etc. I really wish I could make these thoughts go away but I always end up overthinking about and or dream about them. I am in therapy though. I'm always open to any advice or questions.
@scarletCherry3980
all normal emotions you have described ........ think most have experienced similar thoughts.....
it fades as time goes by but if you want to work through it faster i take the idea a step further write it out like a screenplay seeing it makes it more clear we can blend thoughts....
what would you say and be honest with yourself.. .....
what if you ran into him and he is happy do you want him miserable and coming running back ........
if he did come back what would be different in the relationship .....
it sounds like you WANT him to reach out and tell you it was a mistake ...... answer to yourself how you would act either way .... would you be happy and forgive and forget or would you want revenge...
my guess is he is not living in his head like you and you are letting him take more of your time away from you........ Time spent thinking daydreaming or what ever about what ifs........ is time lost.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it.
@scarletCherry3980
It's really sad to hear that , breakups can be really hard especially in such a case when you have invested all these years , energy , feelings and maybe even much more 😔 and I have no doubt your partner's cheating was so hard on you , no doubt it's so hard for you to move on , It's ok dear , give yourself time , don't push yourself for moving forward quickly ... not before you accept what happened and feel like you again , this is definitely tough and I really understand your feeling now after all that happened
, but . . I would like you to make a list actually ( use a small notebook, anything you can write -by hand - on ) and list the bad things that happened in that relationship and how they made you feel , maybe the times you cried at , the times your partner treated you in a bad way , his cheating and how it made you feel , list 2 bad things that happened at that relationship -at least- daily , try your best to keep that going ! 💕 especially when you find yourself remembering him ( your mind usually tricks you by just remembering the good things which make you feel more sad and wanting that relationship back even when it wasn't in fact that good ) so here , we're trying to open our eyes to see the bad things as well ( which are usually a lot by the way 😅)
and please try your best to stop hearing these songs that make you remember him , or sad songs that remind you of him and make you feel sad , maybe even start a new hobby ! ❤️💫
and make your decision firm , for example : If I ( Avery ) thought about my relationship and eventually realized that this person was toxic ( someone that makes you feel bad or hurts you in any way - mantally , emotionally or even physically ) , I gotta stick to my decision , I gotta keep it a NO , even if he comes back , even if I can be back with him , I won't choose him again , he's out of my way , out of my heart , out of my mind , I don't like him ( obviously because of what I saw from him when I was in that relationship ) , but I don't hate him too , I feel nothing for him ,
he's just a phase of your life , no more . .
you must be a very kind person , you deserve much much better than what he offered you , and believe me you will meet better people , open your heart to life and chances 💜
you haven't met all the people who are going to love you yet !💫
till then , please remember that
- you deserve to be loved , appreciated ,accepted , seen and most importantly respected , give yourself that unconditional love instead of waiting anyone to do it for you ,maybe by doing something you love and enjoy , do things that give you positive vibes✨
- no matter how much that person seems attractive or fascinating from the outside , if the inside isn't good , or if he's not willing to care for how you feel , you'll eventually get hurt , please never accept this , you deserve the love you give too !❤️
I wish your heart finds peace
I wish you find someone as pure , loving and kind as you are 💜
@Avery6103275
Thank you so much for your kind words. I try to avoid things that I know that will remind me of him which is hard because we were together for a long time and really everything reminds me of him. He was literally my best friend, someone I could talk to without feeling judged...it's just so many things. I feel so dumb because I missed the signs. Recently someone showed me a picture of his girlfriend and it made me cry not because of her (by the way I don't mean she is ugly or anything because I don't like to put other people down and it just doesn't sit right with me) but the fact he let everything go because of her. Also it is someone from his job.
I do like to share what is going on with me during this breakup because I feel like someone else can learn from it or just give me advice or even asking questions.
But again thank you so much it really helps and means alot to me.
@scarletCherry3980
Hello! I am Blu. I understand this a whole bunch. Unfortunately, it may take a while for this to go away. I have had this happen before and it took me a good few months to get over it. I understand it may cause panic and embarrassment when you see them or something that relates to them. Those are what we can call triggers.
@bluzcluz
Hello, I did feel embarrassed but also not really because I think about how he told everyone that the breakup was mutual but it wasn't and I think alot of people know that because the next day his girlfriend made it public that they are in a relationship (I didn't look this up because I deleted all my social media but unfortunately someone I know showed me it, which I know it doesn't help but it had already happened) anyways alot of people know/ knew him and I as "one" and for him to suddenly change his status I think they can put 2 and 2 together that he cheated so I just think he is making himself look not smart. But thank you Blu for the advice. I know I'm going to get through.
@scarletCherry3980
What if he is happy? What if he’s not thinking about you at all? What if he’s moved on already? What if he marries her and they have children and move in together? What if he cheats on her too because that’s just who he is and what he does? What if he has a pet chicken named Fluffy that only has one leg? 😂
‘What if …’ - Thinking about these vague possibilities is not helpful to you. They will just torture you with pointless irrelevant doubts that leave you in a limbo of listless questioning that is neither here nor there.
What about you? What do you want from a relationship? What makes you happy? Why do you keep thinking about someone who has already moved on? What will YOU do next? These are the things that can guide you to a better place because they focus on YOU. These are the things that you can control. What you feel and what you will do. Constantly focussing on what others are doing; leads us to neglect ourselves.
If you keep looking back, you will never move forward. You are the one that matters. Look inwardly instead.
CatsInTheCradle
broke up with someone as well, we kind of "broke up" and got back together again several times, I guess it's over, can't hepl but feel left behind, if he is out there living his life, I am annoyed. I am not happy for him because he didn't give me what I needed and we were never supposed to be involved so unfortunately I cannot have that feeling of "happiness" or at least wishing them well. This does not make me a bad person but it's in reaction to how things went and why. I am tired actually, and I almost feel like I almost don't really care, but I know I do a little. But for example I am not interested, if I were to see him again somewhere, the thought of it bothers me. What I am missing is thinking I had someone in my life who cared about me. It seems apparent that he doesn't or maybe never really did that much or we were not compatible because the last time we spoke I told him what I wanted and needed from him. It didn't go very well, I just think we were just not meant to be
Anyway, I wish everyone here the best, and sorry for the rambling, but I really need it.
@reliableWest8997
Yes.. some people are just wrong for us. That’s the plain and simple truth. And all the begging and pleading and negotiating and waiting and effort will not turn the wrong person into the right person. Staring at a wall doesn’t turn it into a doorway.
What we are supposed to do is recognise when something is not going anywhere, and take a different direction. Explore different possibilities with potential. Connect with different people rather than keep reinvesting in people who don’t connect with us and who have proven time and again that they will never choose us.
@CatzInTheCradle Thank you, yes, I really hear you. We are both a bit older and I thought we wanted the same things. I was just hoping it would work out the last time because that's what he said he wanted all along. I also was looking for a friend. It's incredibly lonely and isolating, I am tired of facing life alone. I am still hoping to be friends, I don't know if it will be possible - probably not. Anyway just really hoping to move on and live my life either way. I do feel better if I see him pop up online because well, I have my reasons. Thank you for your input, I do appreciate it
I hate that he cheated and still initiated the breakup. I don't know if it matters but it was our first year living together, under my family's roof. But the last time I saw him was the last time I guess..alittle before I didn't talk to him I actually told him to not come by, I asked for my keys back and he said he lost them. I have not contact him in any way. It's odd but I don't want to see him and then I do because I just want to tell him off but I know I will never do that. But thank you for sharing, don't feel bad for rambling, it helps to get another perspective.
@scarletCherry3980 thanks for your comment, I hope you're doing ok today. I took some time, and feeling a little better. I am sending positive vibes your way. I am doing better after doing other things and focusing on what I need to do. I just needed a break from thinking about it
@scarletCherry3980
Hey
I see that you are hurt. And it is not easy to let go after 8 years together.
There is hurt from betrayal of being cheated on as well as the pain of letting go of what "could have been" if things were different.
It is normal for you to think of the many "what if?" questions going through your mind
It is going to take some time before things get better... I am glad you are talking about and getting the help you need.
You deserve the best ❤️
Hang in there and take it one day at a time