Advice with the Ex
Hey everybody!
I have just gone thru a rough breakup and have no one to talk to.
We were together for a year. I unfortunately was not able to return to the university we met at this fall but I am returning in the Spring. We agreed to try and make the temporary 2 hr distance work but it all just fell apart. I was afraid it would from the day I told him I wouldn't be moving back in August.
We now both had classes and I was working so we're busy but made time to talk every day. I had asked off a weekend to go visit him for our 1 year anniversary and just days before I was supposed to leave, he was interviewed, hired, trained and got a job but didn't tell them that I was coming because he wanted to work. I was there 3 days, all I asked was to see him 1 day because I hadn't in 2 months. It got.into arguing and I was so hurt and mad.
We were friends 6 months before we became official. We had always been able to communicate and for some reason in the last 2 months we just cant anymore. He dumped me on our anniversary over snapchat.
Its been a month and he wants to remain friends, but I dont know if I can. I am so mad, confused and hurt. It was a first relationship for us both he doesnt seemed to be effected to hurting by any of it. We had been friends and in each other's lives every single day for a year and a half and as soon as it got hard he left. I feel used and blindsided. I dont know how he can just act like it all never happened and expect me to just act like I'm fine.
@Maddy97
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
I have just gone thru a rough breakup and have no one to talk to. (Breakups can be painful and hurtful even more so when the people around might not know how to listen or understand what you are going through)
We now both had classes and I was working so we're busy but made time to talk every day. I had asked off a weekend to go visit him for our 1 year anniversary and just days before I was supposed to leave, he was interviewed, hired, trained and got a job but didn't tell them that I was coming because he wanted to work.(This is where it lead me to believe everything was done to maintain certain distance, so the work was actually a way to be used as an excuse so you two wouldn't get too close) I was there 3 days, all I asked was to see him 1 day because I hadn't in 2 months. (Its understandable you wanted this, you wanted to connect with him and spend some time together) It got.into arguing and I was so hurt and mad. (From the looks of it his words and actions made you feel even more disconnected, which caused a lot of hurt)
We were friends 6 months before we became official. We had always been able to communicate and for some reason in the last 2 months we just cant anymore. (It must feel strange how in the past this wasn't issue, but now it is. I do think he kept things inside for awhile, it leaked as anger and he did things to push you away. Long distance can trigger fears of abandonment and fears of being smothered) He dumped me on our anniversary over snapchat. (Thats awful...he should have athleast discuss this in person, instead he did it over snapchat..)
Its been a month and he wants to remain friends, but I dont know if I can. (Its quite normal you are unsure about it after what happened between the two of you) I am so mad, confused and hurt. (You have every right to feel this way because of the way he behave during the last 2 months and the way he ended things wasn't okay. You deserve your own time to heal, and to make yourself the priority) It was a first relationship for us both he doesnt seemed to be effected to hurting by any of it. We had been friends and in each other's lives every single day for a year and a half and as soon as it got hard he left. (This is a red flag right here. I understand struggles and conflict can be quite overwhelming at times, but if the person tends to give up or shut down then it does show he cannot function as an adult. I feel he has a lot of issues he needs to work on) I feel used and blindsided. (I could see why you would feel this way, however he didnt use you at all. He didn't know how to handle and communicate how he felt, so he decided to shut down and end things) I dont know how he can just act like it all never happened and expect me to just act like I'm fine. (People like him will appear as if everything is fine and nothing hurting them because all they do is deflect and distract themeselves. You are facing all of this full on without pushing it to the rug, so it will obviously hurt even more. You are both in different places at the moment; he might feel a sense of relief at the moment, while you feel extemely hurt at the way things ended abruptly)
@freshLight64
You're right. I feel there's something else going on that he's not telling me. He blamed it on school and said he just doesnt have the time not wants the responsibility of a relationship. I asked him 2 months before when I found out I wouldn't be back to school with him what we should do and he said he was willing to do what it took. Then he says he overestimated himself. I just have so many questions and things I dont understand but he just kind of ignores it all and doesnt give me the answers. It was a year and we've been in each other lives for almost 2. He doesnt even seem the slightest bit hurt or feel bad that he hurt me so badly. Part of me wondered if he wanted a relationship in the first place but he wont talk about any of it. If he had handled it just a little better I wouldn't be so mad. If he had talked to me about the school and time we could've discussed our options like I did but he didnt give it the chance. How am I supposed to just be friends and pretend we're fine when we're not?
@Maddy97 I know it seems like a crazy idea, but maybe you should take the time until the spring and focus on you and maybe leave him alone. I too am going through something similar but it was five years we were together. The fact he seems unfazed really could a number of things that
