Boyfriend and I growing apart
Hi:
My boyfriend and I dated off and on for nearly 5 months and we are both growing apart for the following reasons.
1. We are not on the same front page on a lot of things.
A. I want a combination of a physical relationship and a companionate relationship where we go out and have a good time -
B. He just seem to want more of an intimate physical relationship - All he seems to want to do is come over and watch movies, tv, and do the physical stuff.
2. I am at the bottom of his list
A. At no time has he ever invited me over to have dinner with either of his parents Not once has he invited me to meet him and his friends for movie night
B. Not once has he invited me over to his friend's house when they have tv night
3. I feel like I am always meeting him on his terms
4. He also doesn't communicate with me
5. He hasn't been honest with me about what he's looking for in the relationship
A. Though he says he doesn't want it, his actions tell me he does
I feel like he's taking you for granted and the relationship doesn'tseem serious to him. A relationship is like teamwork, you should both want it to work and equally make effort.
I completely understand how you feel and I think it's very important that you should know your value.
We can't force love and we for sure can't make our partners care more about us, if they simply don't.
Maybe you should try and talk with him about what either of you really want. I understand you have feelings for each other somewhere, but sometimes that's not enough. Especially when he doesn't seem to take you or the relationship serious. You clearly deserve to be loved and if he doesn't want the same, maybe reconsider the relationship.
@indigoOrange9898
Thanks for your feedback but I don't feel like talking to him at the moment because I don't feel like he really pays attention to me. Rather, everything is about him. He never once complimented me on the way I look. Rather, he was always talking about how my feet are cute and how he wants to play with them. Otherwise, he wasn't ever that interested in me or anything I am doing with my life.
For me, last week was the straw that broke the camel's back
- He and his mom went out for breakfast but he didn't think to ask me
- He texted me on Monday afternoon asking what I was doing on Monday and I asked him if he wanted to see a movie. No, he was spending the first part of the evening with his friends and then wanted to come over to lie with me which I postponed because I was tired
- When he did come over, he used the excuse that we were both tired because he was mad that I would not do more than kiss and cuddle
I decided as of last Wednesday that I was not going to text him, and he didn't text me at all for over three days. However, he attempted to very early in the morning when I was sleeping yesterday but I just ignored him. I am not going to be treated like that.
@indigoOrange9898 @Summershy @Summershy HI, I am really sorry to hear this is happening to you, I am going through the same thing, I was seeing someone and he won't plan dates ahead of time. He calls last minute to come over and I feel like all he does is want that physical aspect of the relationship. It's so unfair. But he made it sound all along that he wanted more, but then, I didn't get invited anywhere like to events. I don't have family around, I have been busy with my work and other so I haven't been able to invite him anywhere interesting where there are other people I know because I don't really know that many people here. But I have invited him or tried to, in advance. I also planned the first couple dates. I think after that they expect it and they get lazy. Anyway I agree with you, it shouldn't be that way. I can't even get ready ahead of time to look nice since it's always at the last minute.... as a bit of an "older" lady (early 40s') I find this to be disrespectful. As much as I like sex, I am not just a piece of meat... I feel that sometimes we have to put our foot down with guys or they will take advantage of us. They do it anyway sometimes, but it's always a good idea to let him know. I already did, and I am tired of using words, so now, I am not going to say anything. If he doesn't make the effort, I don't think it was ever there to begin with. I don't know if this helps, but in my case, there were reasons why he got distant or, for example, he wouldn't prioritize me, come up with reasons why he couldn't call or answer my calls, and being unsupportive. We were arguing and I said some very mean things to him, but I do feel it's pretty much all on him, and he's the reason for all the arguing. There has been a general disrespect of my boundaries from the very start of this relationship. I have spent a lot of texting trying to tell him this, a lot of calls that went unanswered. He said he didn't feel like talking to me, and I was bringing up previous things from the past etc. Anyway, I wish you good luck, and I hope you have a good support system in place, and if not, you don't deserve this. You are right to feel this way.
@reliableWest8997
That my was problem with my ex boyfriend, he didn't respect my boundaries. Rather, he did what he felt like.
Additionally, I didn't text him for a week, while he would send me a text every few days. However, I ignored him the first time because he contacted me while I was asleep. I just feel that's a sign that he didn't care about me.
However, we broke up yesterday which was a mutual agreement. We decided to go back to being friends because we both want different things. On the contrary, he asked me if he could still play with my feet and I said no.
@Summershy Best of luck
You too, however, the biggest problem is that he was very immature
@Summershy yeah, that is what I am/was thinking about him also... I am bit too, but I am trying to improve
Same here
@reliableWest8997
Thank you so much but I don't think it's a good idea for me for be around him for a while because he is not a good friend either. Rather, he just wants to use me. However, I am heartbroken and I am very sad to break up with him.
@Summershy that's understandable
@Summershy Hi, sorry for the delay and short replies, I have been dealing with my own situation lately so I wasn't able to get back to you in detail. Don't worry too much, try to live your life as best as possible without him. It seems that he and you do not match. It's ok to feel bad. You don't have to figure it out all now. I hope you have a nice weekend
@Summershy
I'm going through the same but it's my girlfriend doing what your boyfriend is doing it really sucks and I'm sorry that you are going through it and the hard thing is they willnt talk
@modestApple3820
Hey, thanks for your post and I have been fine for a week but it's really hitting me today for three reasons
1. I saw on his mom's social media profile that today is his birthday
2. Tuesdays were also often our date nights
3. I wanted to take him to a convention this past weekend that we both had been planning to do
Therefore, I have been feeling sad