Girlfriend left me yesterday and never wants to get back together

I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through this. I’m dealing with a possible break up so I completely feel where you’re coming from. It sucks. It is a terrible pain. But you are going to be okay. I hope you are okay.

I agree with you on many levels................... at that age and with a job and no bills she seems to be letting her parents run her life.......

i see many say they are going along until they finish school etc .... but the longer it goes on the harder it is to break from parents............ that want to control her and have say in everything in her life.

You are a threat to them and their control has zero to do with a joke taken the wrong way etc.... not because of anything you have done but you have encouraged her to spread her wings ........... there are many listeners here and you may need to try a couple out to find a good fit......

@toughPapaya1551 so sorry about you girlfriend and I hope you can find a way to get past this difficult situation please if you need to talk do not hesitate to reach out

As long as both of you are dependent on your parents no relationship ever will work out.

So go out in the big world and lead your own life first.

Learn to cope with your own life first.

@toughPapaya1551

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Everything started to go downhill when her parents started to complain about her driving to my house too much. (This can definitely put a lot of strain in the relationship. I can understand if they were concern about her, but it's beginning to feel like they are trying to separate you two.) I've sat them down multiple times and told them I hate when they make me cancel plans with my gf last minute because they need the car, and they would always tell me to either uber, buy my own car, or she can drive here in a car she doesn't pay for(her dad's a doctor and pays for eveything). (I understand where you and your parents are coming from here. It's normal you felt upset about this situation, even more so when they dismissed how you felt about this situation) I would hate myself because I knew my gf was just as excited to see me as I was, but because my parents wouldn't let me use the car, we both end up depressed. I then ask my gf why can't she help out and just come drive over and she says her psrents will get mad. (Making plans and meeting up became an issue, so I do see why you would ask her to come since it was easier to meet up this way. Parents/siblings can either help make or break a relationship. I can tell the fear of "disappointing them" and being abandoned triggers her, so it will often put her in a role where she "feels" like she has to please them and avoid confrontation.) Which leads me to the next problem. Her parents. They don't understand why "why can't his parents just buy him a car?" (They don't quite understand your struggles because they are not showing empathy) As if I'm entitled to have one. I am the first person to decline help because this is MY LIFE and I'm not going to screw my parents out of money just so I can have the LUXURY of having a car when that money could go to their retirement and my mentally ill brother. (It's understandable, its normal you made this decision) It was constant fighting about the cars and who drives over who's house more for 2 years until I just recently got my car in November 2022. (I do think if one person is doing more of the work of meeting up, then at some point they will feel disconnected and as if they are not a priority. I do understand why it needed to be this way because it's not easy to get a car now a days). In September of 2022 her parents were away on vacation. It was just her and her youngest sister at home. I go over one day to hang out. There are cameras inside the house. I try to be funny and make a joke from the ABC show "The Goldbergs" and refer to her sister and my youngest brother as the "two morons". (In the show the father calls his kids the morons as a sign of love and teasing). No one says anything. I go home, continue with my life and my gf gets home after work a few days later saying "they(her parents) know you called *sisters name* a moron". It is supposedly a super bad word, being just as bad as "***", and her middle child sister is special needs, but when I said it, that special needs sister was on vacation with the parents and not home. And it is a joke from a family TV show I was just trying to be funny. (I understand it was a joke on your part, but for some people (including parents) can be seen as disrespectful. Now, there's a good chance this escalated really quickly because they don't want the both of you together, but they are certain things that you should not be said, especially when you and her parents didn't established a connection) My gf that night then facetimes me saying "my dad said I have 3 days to end it or he's getting involved". (I can understand his frustration, but it's not okay to make these kind of threats. This is a sign of someone who "expects" others to do what he wants by using anger, threats, indirect communication and fear. This is something that will quickly put your girlfriend in a panic state because she fears his reaction, and what he would do/say) .She looked as if someone had told her she had cancer or soemthing, the pure fear in her face. (It's understandable her facial expression. Her father instill fear on her since she was a child, so now this is an area that causes her a lot of anxiety and fear) I told her ill gladly explain myself to both her parents and apologize, and for her to remind her parents they know my address, let them get involved of they want, we aren't teenagers. I laughed because I thought that my 22 year old gf, who works full time, makes around 40k a year, isn't going to worry about what her parenrs want her to do in HER RELATIONSHIP. (It's very important to know where she's coming from here. You have the ability to see this from the outside looking in, but she has to constantly deal with "If I do this my parents will get mad". I do think she should stand up for the relationship though, if not this will make you feel angry and disconnected which is normal). But her parents never even got to know me or ask me questions about my life and I could feel the judging all the time from them. (This is a deal breaker right here. It's like I mentioned, parents/siblings can either help make or break a relationship. Her parents seems to be in almost total control of her life, and it will make her try to please her parents instead of you.) Me and my gf decide to be a secret for the time being (This is not a good idea) and we go out to dinner a few days later with her best friend, it goes fine. Then we don't see each other for almost a month because I'm currently in school and it's stressful and time consuming. We see each other and I try and tell her she has to put herself first and live her life and to stop worrying about her parents opinions of herself, of us. (You are right, she should definitely live her life and not allow her parents opinions to make her feel bad. This is a red flag here, she doesn't have the boundaries required to do this, so she will often put them first over you. This will put a strain on the relationship) Then she just says "see this is why you're gonna leave." (I can tell she has always been fearful of you leaving.) And I told her it's like watching someone hold onto a dog that's biting then when all they have to do is let go of the leash to stop the biting. But she's so concerned about not being "a disappointment" to her parents that she'd rather us hide until she gets into school. (It's understandable you said all of this, it was your way of standing up yourself. I don't like the whole "let's date in secret for the time being" because it makes the relationship not become a priority) Her parents *** me off all the time, (I do think she should have stood up for you and the relationship) her dad being a doctor is severely overweight, her mother has a special needs daughter, but always says I shouldn't be having to take care of my mentally ill brother at home and why can't we just "get someone to watch him". If anyone should know what I'm going through it should be her mother. And they are trigger for me. I lash out at my gf and I know it's wrong but I'm so mad FOR HER. (Don't you think this was something you wanted to say for a long time?) She's so far ahead of where parents were when they were 23 but she's still so scared of them because of their opinions or because of daddy "getting invovled". I've told her all the time, she's the one with the car on title, just get in the car and come, what is the big deal if your parents give you the silent treatment when you get home who cares. (Unfortunately it won't work like that. The fear she feels will overwrite any decision she needs to make. This is something that will cause a strain in the relationship) They don't have the balls to threaten not paying for her school, they have a image to uphold.

Now on new years eve, she tells me she's tired of the fighting, my comments, eveything going on, mind you she allowed this to continue because she wouldn't stand up to her parents while she makes 880 a week, no bills, lives at home, and has a paid for car. (I completely agree with you, and you are right on what you are saying. I honestly think she was looking to feel heard and understood) She has all the leverage, they won't stop paying her car cuz of their credit, the insnurance, her school, all of it. She then constantly tells me she doesn't feel like a priority to me because I couldn't just go see her whenever I wanted to because I DIDNT HAVE MY CAR. (I understand your situation, it's tough to do certain things without a car. I think she felt hurt and disappointed when the meeting up couldn't be possible). She always asks why I never planned dates and stuff, (She's looking at it from the view of "We used to go on dates at the beginning, and you did a lot of things that made me feel loved. I really miss those things", while you are seeing this as "I didn't have a car. You don't understand my struggles". The both of you triggered one another, so it was hard for both to understand each other needs). She just goes on and on of not feeling like a priority for 2 years meanwhile I've written school papers for her, helped her with getting a job, encouraged her to stand up to her parenrs and be more outspoken, to see herself how I see her all of it. But she says she doesn't feel like a priority because she's constantly waiting because I have a lot to deal with at home and didn't have my car for 2 years together and she couldn't mentally get over the hurdle of going against her parents and driving herself to me when I needed the help. (I understand what you are both saying, and there's a lot of valid reasons as well)

I was her her forever, and she is my always. But ever since her parents wanted me gone, and she's repeatedly said she chooses me, all I see is her choosing her aprents based on what she has and hasn't done with the tools she has but isn't using. She says she never wants ro be together ever again even when she gets into school but doesn't want to lose me from her life and to remain friends. (it's really important to date someone who has their own identity and has separated from their parents. I also think she was looking to feel heard and understood, and telling her what she should be doing can cause her to feel a certain way. You both have valid reasons, and it's understandable where you are both coming from. The questions for you are; 1) It's this the kind of relationship you want?, 2) What it is you want in a relationship?, 3) What are your boundaries?. )

Sometimes people make a huge thing out of things. If she loved you as much as you say you love her then you guys would be together. It’s very that simple. Parents friends etc have no baring on relationships of adults!. If people can destroy relationships outside of the actual 2people in it, then it was not love to begin with. It’s really that simple