Huge fight with my bf...need advice

His reaction seems way out of proportion, I mean it might make sense if this was like 3 years later and you were still using the same reasons for wishing for some priority.

Idk maybe he was annoyed that day and took it out on you, or maybe he doesn't know how to comfort someone going through the loss of a family member and he didn't want to be asked to be a grief counselor. But still, I think the way he reacted is wrong. Although, I think at this point maybe just set aside the expectation that he will come see you for this. Maybe for now, focus on finding someone else, whether a professional or another family member or friend, to be able to be with you in this time. Continuing to discuss it with your bf might make it worse, and you already explained how it made you feel so it seems you've done your best at this point. Or maybe you could, just one more time, if you haven't already, ask how he felt, maybe you could find out if perhaps one of the possibilities I suggested are the reason behind his explosive reaction. But yeah.

@ktasha

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I am going to try my best and shorten the details of this question as best as possible. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, we barely fight or argue, we love eachother very much but in the past year we've gotten into a few arguments over this one issue. (This tell the issue has not gotten resolved, so its still an on-going situation). In the first 2 years of dating he would see me all the time, call me all the time and put in a lot of effort. In recent years all that died down- and I felt I was no longer a priority and he no longer cared to see me as much anymore. (Women usually tend to look how things were at the beginning, so if the man is no longer putting the same level of effort or doing those special things then the woman will feel as if he doesn't care, stopped putting the effort, or how you are feeling regarding this. Now I don't know much about his schedule, or why he stopped putting the effort, but its important to find out the reason behind it/ Also are you initating calls, texts and invitations to see him as well?). Just recently I lost my dad to a heart attack (Hopefully your dad is resting in peace, this is definetly a huge lost.). and this week the grieving was harder than it was the day my dad died (due to the holidays etc). (This is understandable, losing your dad close to christmas must be even tougher now than any other month or festivities, hopefully you feel better soon though). A few days before the holidays I expressed several times to my boyfriend how i sad i was feeling, (I can tell you are trying to confide in your boyfriend here, you need him to be there for you during the grief process). and he visited a few friends before the holidays which made me a little upset to why he did not visit me considering how tough of a week I had. (In here you are starting to feel disconnected from him, you were seeking comfort from him, but seeing how he visited a few of his friends before you made you feel like he didn't put how you feel and seeing you as a priority. This also triggered some sort of anxiety as well, it could have been an abandonment issue.) Yesterday we were supposed to have breakfast but he forget to set his alarm which ended up with me calmly explaining how i felt about how I was at the end of his priority list this week and I needed him the most because i was grieving the death of my dad. (In here you are starting to feel even more disconnected from him. You were really looking forward to have breakfast with him, to connect and bond with him, but it made you feel dissapointed and disconnected with the way he forgot to set his alarm. You are doing an amazing job at communicating your needs, its just the way he is behaving its causing you to feel disconnected from him. A partner feeling disconnected and neglected will become very anxious, scared because their partner is not making them feel loved, comfortable, safe, heard and understood.) He ended up BLOWING UP and telling me it was unfair that I would even my mentions dad's death as a leverage, (This was rude and disrespectful of him. You will feel even more disconnected from him now because of the way he was blowing up at you and the things he said. Its a bad idea to blow up and yell on a partner who is feeling disconnected and neglected. This communicates that he has zero emotional self control and is only focus on himself). he was yelling telling me he has other priorities in his life and he should be allowed to see friends and family before me without having that be a problem. (This will make you feel even more disconnected from him. You no longer feel safe with him, and this makes you feel as if he doesn't care about your feelings and that you are not a priority on his life. He has handled this entire situation in the worst possible of ways.) he called me immature and did not agree with anything I had said and my feelings felt invalid to him. (Your feelings are reasonable and justified, but he is starting to blame you for things and invalidating your feelings. He has used negations which are; blaming, criticism, exlcuding you, and not being there for you. His behavior will push you away, and at some point it'll make you consider breaking up with him.) I calmed him down, explained the way I feel and why I feel the way I feel and told him that Im working on some insecuritys that were left from my past relationship (ex boyfriend abused me) and that Im willing to work on things etc (I don't think your insecurities were triggered here...I feel his issues and insecurities are the ones who caused a big mess. During tough times, a partner wants to feel comforted, heard and understood, if the partner doesn't give them that then they will begin to feel anxious, scared, neglected. He needed to remain calm, collected, understanding and loving so you would have felt connected, safe and understood by him. This could have been avoided if he has learned about communicating like an adult. I'm starting to think he has a fear of closeness which is why he was blowing up, to sabotage things).. I guess i was shocked that he got THAT angry over what I said and after we calmly ended the argument i cried myself to sleep while he was texting me (Its understandable how you felt regarding this, disconnection hurts so much, it would make the partner cry, and feel as if they are not important to the other person) as if nothing happened telling me he didn't want me to be upset etc. was i wrong? what do i do? (You were not wrong, I thought you did an amazing job at communicating to him. You handled things like an adult, but he didn't handle things like an adult. He has a lot to learn about his issues and communication)