I keep losing the love of my life to trust issues

@Gianasdad77

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Ive been in a relationship with the woman of my dreams. However im always losing her. I 100% would never cheat on her, i dont even see other people in that sense. In my eyes i have it all. She always think im going to hurt her. (This is always going to cause stress and a strain on the relationship. She will not be able to handle closeness because she is always afraid of getting hurt and then it becomes hard to emotionally connect with her. She will exhibit certain behaviors such as; Backing away often, losing emotional self control, getting triggered and her insecurities will often cause problems.) She has accused me of having something with at least 4 different people who i have no interaction with and always thinks im being shady. (TShe is someone who got hurt in the past and there's a chance she seen these kind of behaviors from a male figure so now she doesn't trust anyone) She breaks up with me frequently due to these thoughts for days or weeks at a time. (This is a sign she doesn't have the emotional maturity to be in a relationship and she is someone who should heal first and then enter a relationship. You would want someone who doesn't give up at the first sign of hurt or problems, she sounds unreliable as a partner. I also think she is being incosiderate of how this make you feel) I know she was hurt bad and was cheated on in her past, so i dont blame her for how she is. (It's good you are being empathetic, but if she is not able to heal from the past then she will often breakup with you and then will take you back without any consideration for you) It sucks bad, but i would not give up on her ever. (It's not about "i would not give up on her ever", she gives up at the first sign of hurt. It's not fair she put you through this rollercoaster) She deserves to not be given up on, (You can't keep tolerating her behavior though because she will always do this and then will lose respect for you) she didnt chose to be like this.(As a child she didn't have a choice, but as an adult she has a choice of who she want to be and they are things like therapy or self-help books that could help become aware. I feel you are looking to justify her behavior by saying these things) Not being trusted has been very difficult to deal with. (It definetly is, specially when things go well and then she begins to feel triggered or her insecurities taking over) I have read on this over and over and i have talked to some others about this. I even at different times could not understand why it is like this and have gotten into my own head that maybe she might be doing stuff behind my back. (We don't have evidence about this) My insecurity over that caused me to go logging in to different social media sites and dating sites to see if she might be on them. This week she was watching my kids while i was at work and stumbled into my emails and saw that i had activated and deactivated accounts on these sites. She had broken up with me during the times i checked those sites to see if she was on them. I tried explaining to her i was not using those sites i was trying to see if it was possible i might be getting played. (She doesn't trust you and at times you don't trust her. You are both getting triggered here and its leading to issues. She fears losing you to someone else, while you feared she was with someone else and then you are both beginning to feel disconnected) If you saw the emails accounts were opened and closed within 10 minutes of each other. She has not talked to me in days and has blocked my phone number and says she never wants to see me again. (This is awful...it hurts knowing she blocking you like this after you tried to explain things to her. I think she is immature and lacks the empathy to really understand where you are going through. She is impulsive too, she is willing to end things or block you in a matter of seconds without thinking how all of this affects you. The way she blocked you sounds very childish of her, and honestly she will keep creating drama's like this. You don't deserve to be treated this way) I just want her, never want anyone else. (I understand you love and want her, but the only thing she is capable of is hurting you and putting you through a lot negative moments) She is my world. (You are putting this woman in a pedestal, and i could see you are far invested on this than her) She is a great mom and my kids are in love with her too. (I could understand you and the kids love her, the thing is the kids shouldn't see this kind of behavior from her) I dont know what to do anymore my heart is shattered. (You should do nothing, don't attempt to contact her or try to talk in person. If you try to contact her in anyway then she will have zero respect for you. You need to have the self respect to stay away from a woman who mistreats you, breakup with you at the drop of a dime and blocks you without thinking how this affects you. She is not showing any adult behavior in this situation, wait for her to talk to you first) I would do anything to be with her, she is the love of my life.

Hello I

I made the decision to not call or text or email. Im not going to show up and try to talk. I wrote her a letter and told her everything i could possibly say. It goes in the mail tomorrow. The ball is in her court and i will for the first time go on with life and see if i even matter to her. I hope i do. But ill just have to see. The last couple days have been rough but im talking to a counselor now. Ive been kind of down. Other than my beautiful little girls she is the only thing that has made me happy. I care about myself enough to know life goes on with or without her and i have a bright future with my kids. I spent 39 years never knowing true love and at 41 i dont want to let it go.

@Gianasdad77

The way you describe your gf is exactly how I would describe my ex bf. I wish I could help you more. I feel your pain intensely. He found texts on my phone and assumed I was cheating. Some bad things happened after that which made me put up my protective barriers. I pushed him away so hard in my anger I believe he is gone for good.

All I asked him to do was get counseling but if not he had to end the relationship. If I hadn't pushed him away so hard he would still be here and we would have talked it out. About a week later he had a new gf ending what would have been a 2 year relationship on July 10th. This all happened in late May just 6 weeks ago. So trust me I feel all of your pain.

I see this happened to you earlier this year. Do you have an update? Would you have any advice?