I want to get married but he's "not ready".

@Jeppo

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things i would like to point out;

I met my boyfriend in college, we've been dating for 7 years and have been living together for 5. I told him i wanted to get married but he said he wasn't going to think about until maybe another 5 years....5 years? (Okay, so he has been with you for 7 years and he is not ready to get married until "maybe 5 years"....this tells me he is not interested in getting married and going on circles with this situation. I think he has gotten too comfortable throughout this time that he is not in a hurry to get married.) I don't think i can wait that long. (You definetly shouldn't because its not fair you put your life on hold for a "maybe another 5 years", if you go along with this then he will definetly not marry you) Especially since i already put in 7 years into this relationship. (Exactly) I've given him my all and yet i feel like im not a priority in his life, (This is a sign he is taking you for granted and has gotten complacent in the relationship) like my needs or wants aren't important. (People like him are often focus on their own needs, and doesn't see that other people have their own needs and wants.) I feel like he only cares about what he's getting out of me more than he cares to offer. (A lot of it has to do with you over investing on this than him, so its making him not value it) I've been thinking more and more about breaking up with him but I don't know how. (This is never an easy topic to discuss because theres not a perfect way to do it. If it were me? I would talk to him about how you are feeling unhappy, communicate your needs (wanting marriage) and then see if you could both find a middle ground on it. I don't think you should wait more than a year because its not fair on you, but if he is not willing to propose you or work on your needs then you will have to end things until he changes his mind) It definitely doesn't take this long to figure out if you wanna be with someone forever or not. (Specially when you two have been together for 7 years) His actions speak louder that his words. (True, he is showing that being married is not a priority) Obviously im not THAT Important to him. I guess im not worth it. (You are worth it, its just you deserve far better than a man who is not ready after 7 years...)A part of me wants to help him figure out his answer (This is your way to justify his behavior, which gives you an excuse to wait forever on him deciding when he willl get married) while the other part of me would Rather find someone new and hopefully easier to date. (Thats exactly what you should do) Im very conflicted. How did i end up in this situation? I don't understand why he won't marry me and I can't stop being depressed about it. (He doesn't want to get married because he got too comfortable and doesn't see the need to get marry after living together for five years, but in the process he is ignoring what you want) How do i get out of this? Should I try calling his mom or something? (nope)

@Jeppo It's very important to communicate to him how you feel, to let him know that you don't like the terms anymore, you feel you're at the point where you want to get married and investing more time into a relationship that isn't getting more serious isn't something you are willing to spend a lot more time on. I think it's important for him to understand where you are coming from. Are you living together?

Might I suggest a quick read? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201611/what-happens-when-partners-arent-equally-committed

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years as well, living together for 6. We have no plans of getting married nor having children. We're both in med school. It was a mutual decision, but we've discussed it and if either of us wanted to get married, we would just do it. We're already living that kind of life with each other. It's just a matter of finding the time and money to do it, so if it's gonna happen it's probably going to be during residency.

@Jeppo Also, do you know his reasons for not wanting to get married yet? Is it commitment phobia, is he not sure about you or your relationship, are his reasons financial/career motivated? Perhaps he wants to marry you, but it's just not a good time for him right now? It's important to get more information out of him. If my boyfriend said this I'd definitely want a good explanation and to know his reasons.

@Jeppo,

Seven years is a lot of time to invest in a relationship and you have all the right to feel what you are feeling right now,like the relationship is not progressing towards what you want -marriage.Obviously you two have different expectations for the future. I think the best for you will be to explain to him that you are not willing to wait for another five years to get married,then if he says he doesn't want to do marry , move on and find someone who shares your ideas about family life and wants to get married!Good luck!

Marraige isnt the be all end all of relationships. I was pressured to marry and strongly regret it because aspects of my relationship are suffering. There is now a false sense of security that prevents us from dealing with those issues and it is also far more complicated to separate. Weve been together six years and if youd ask me to do it again i wouldnt. I would still try to work things out with my wife in a long term relationship. I just wouldnt lock myself into it and hand the key to the government.

I dont know why your partner wont marry you, but dont assume its because he doesnt want to spend his life with you. Have you asked him about it? He may have other reasons or unmet needs himself. 7 years isnt THAT long. A lot can change over the next several decades and he may be waiting to see how things progress first. We all have different time frames