Just got broken up with. It never gets easier.

Hi all. I'm sort of a newbie here, I've used chats before but it's my first time making a thread. As you're aware by now, I just got broken up with 3 days ago. It's been the biggest heartbreak of my life. I feel like throwing up all day, I've been having stomach issues and can barely function. I'm a very nervous person and I get constant anxiety surges throughout the day.

This girl was my ultimate crush, so much that I saw her on my first semester of university, and completely gave up any hope because she is leagues above mine. 5 years passed and after going through a complicated relationship, I decided to just go for it and messaged her. It was instant chemistry, we were really infatuated with each other and we treated each other so sweetly. There was really no issues, no fights, we really worked great together. At least for a while, 5 or 6 months ago something happened and the sweet talk diminished. We rarely went beyond "I love you" and things sort of became trivial. I'm sort of a loner, so we went through a time where I only saw them on the weekend (All day, both days, still not good enough tbh). She told me she was alone, and felt like we only dated on weekends. I didn't react in the best way. I felt comfortable enough with her to tell her how I felt, how I need time for myself. I should have listened and be there for her instead.

We tried to work things out but we slowly fell out of love. I still feel an entire ocean of things for her, I honestly really love her. But she's got her mind made and I don't think there's anything I can do. I do hope someday we find each other on the street pr at a party pr something. Maybe things will flow better then. Maybe not. But there's really nothing I can do for now.

I'm utterly heartbroken, as I mentioned this girl was like a dream come true for me. I was on cloud nine, and now I'm filled with regret because I had this amazing opportunity, and I just wasn't intelligent enough to understand what was lacking in our relationship. There's so much more I could've done, and even though I know she needed to be reminded how much I adore her and that she's not alone in life, what good is it now? If she's no longer in love with me, there's simply no way to rekindle the flame.

Getting back to the title of this post: Love is a complicated beast. When you're the happiest, when things are working the best, is when you risk getting hurt the most. Right now I feel discarded, sad, anxious, and can barely focus on my job or anything really. I don't feel like eating, I don't feel like getting up, and honestly I can't understand how someone can so easily discard their partner after going through so many things together. I feel lonely and I would give up anything just to be able to listen to her voice and hold her in my arms.

We didn't fight, we ended things peacefully and on good terms, we both hoped to become good friends someday. She's clearly moving on already. Meanwhile I'm here fantasizing about hugging her one more time. Even after 3 failed relationships, 2 of which were way longer, it doesn't get easier. Every break up hurts more than te last. At least for me.