My boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me last night

@LadyCherryLisa

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

We have been emotionally distant for a few months now. (There's possibly two fears involve here; One of you have a fear of being abandoned and the other one a fear of being smothered which is the main reason you both have been emotionally distant) He suffers from clinical depression and I feel as though it has gotten worse over time. He was prescribed medication in February of this year which didnt agree with him. So the medication was changed in April. He is still on the same medication. I noticed significant changes in his moods and energy, but at the same time, felt he was withdrawing regarding his feelings and emotions towards me. (I don't know if the medicine is causing this, but I have seen how depression tends to make a person withdraw into loneliness because of how overwhelm and stressful everything feels.) I felt as though we were becoming emotionally distant. (This is more of an emotional closeness issue, where he has barriers because he is afraid of getting hurt, so he does things to push you away) We became less and less intimate. (This is not a good sign) He started putting less effort into the relationship. (He got complacent in the relationship, and throughout this time he just couldn't do a relationship with the issue he was going through) Stopped planning dates for us, (This is going to make you feel unhappy and disconnected from him because he is not behaving similar to the guy you fell in love. It's understandable this was something that bothered you. Romance, Love, and Connection are very important for women.) stopped wanting to spend alone time together. It became "I am doing this this weekend" (This tells me he stopped putting you as a priority and slowly started to back away at this point) rather than "Would you like to join me this weekend" (This triggered some of your anxiety, abandonment issues and theres a chance you experienced this growing up, so its taking over here). and, "I've been invited to..." rather than "we've been invited to (I Can tell you felt disconnected and that he wasn't showing you much love, which made you feel like he didn't care anymore. It's understandable you felt this way, it must had been awful going through this)
He started preferencing his friends. (I would definetly start to feel put off if i were in your situation because its hurtful seeing a loved one preffering to hang out with other people) His work also became more stressful as he started working 14 hour shifts with minimal days off. (He taking the role of a "provider" which will make a woman feel neglected and abandoned. It's so important that a man take his woman to dates, romance her and make time for her. He clearly stopped doing all of this, and it made you feel disconnected from him)

Last night he came over to end things and his words were so contradictory. He kept saying hes at the end of his rope, hes reached the end of his line. That he cannot go on. (I apologize, but what he said here sounded really dramatic...) But then on the other hand he was still saying how much he loved me and how beautiful I was. (Yes this is very confusing, it's almost like saying "I love you, but Im not in love with you" which makes people think like "what does that even mean?") He kept bringing up petty fights that we had had previously,(This tells me he kept things inside which turned into resentment. People like him don't communicate well, they like to sweep things under the rug until they can't take it anymore) fights that had been resolved and that were easy to fix. (You felt it was resolved, while he kept quiet to push it to the back of his mind) As though he was using the pettiness as an excuse to leave, because it was easier to leave than to fix the problem. (You are going to have a hard time fixing these things with him because he keeps things inside for long periods and then will bring them up after awhile) So Im not 100% sure if he left me because I hurt him unintentionally. Or if hes too deep in his depression at the moment, to handle being close to anyone. (To me it sounds like it was depression and he was sabotaging things to not feel close to you or other people)

I'm also worried that what I felt were petty issues, were possibly not as petty in his eyes, and I'm worried that I've pushed him away. (You can't find a resolution regarding issues if he is not willing to be open with you. He is afraid to be vulnerable, so he will only share a small piece of information and the rest he will act as if its not even there)

His friends have reached out to me to tell me how sad they are that we have broken up. They all say the same thing - that I was good for him and how he's a changed person. His sister agrees, and his mom often thanked me for loving him as unconditionally and as strongly as I do. So I'm more confused and lost as ever, knowing that he's left me. (I do suggest you don't go after him or even try to reach out. It's important he comes to you because all he did was sabotage this relationship since he could not handle the level of closeness.)

I know that I need to give him space, and let him clear his head. (Thats exactly what you should do) I have suffered from depression myself for many years (but have been free from the illness for over 5 years) so I know how trapped in his own head he is feeling right now. (It's not just depression, they are other things as well) I worry that if I dont reach out to him, he will think I have abandoned him and that I dont love him anymore. (These are your fears talking for you, but he made the decision of not wanting to work on the relationship, so you have to value yourself by not going after someone who decided to walk away.) But I also worry that if I reach out too soon, it will come across as obssessive and needy. (It will come across as soothing your own anxiety, which is not the same as an genuine reaching out) Does anyone know when is an acceptable time to reach out to him? (When he reaches out or comes to the house) Or should I not reach out to him at all, and rather let him come to me when hes ready? (Yes)