My husband became my friend

I can only imagine how hard it must be, and it's normal to feel as confused and lost as you are right now. You have built a family with him, you like him as a person, you care for him and want him to be happy, so of course you're scared to ruin this.

But it's important to never neglect yourself and your needs. If you need more than what you can have, you might want to hide it to preserve your family's wellbeing, but in the long run, neglecting and sacrifing yourself might lead to you being unhappy, and it's hard to make people happy when we're not happy and fulfilled ourselves. And a marriage without the kind of love you need might affect your family's wellbeing, with time. Also, caring for yourself and your needs, and not forcing yourself in situations where you're uncomortable and neglecting yourself, is a great example for a child. With time, I believe your child can understand why you did it, and you'll provide an example of self-care.

It might not be easy, and you can take all the time you need, but talking to your husband about this is very important. You can try to do it as slowly and softly as you can, but you'll have to be honest, he deserves to know the truth and to understand it's nobody's fault, you simply have divergent needs and it's just the way it is. Given that the relationship between you is generally a good one, I'm confident you can make it as easy as possible for your child and ensure he/she will grow up surrounded by love and care. I know you also don't want to hurt your husband, but by opening up, you're giving not only yourself, but also to him, the chance of moving on and finding someone in your lives that truly matches what you desire and need.

I wish you all the best!

@FindingMyTruth89 i don't mean to crush your feelings nor be disrespectful, but you shoukd have thought about that before you made tge child and not now...people get easily bored sexually but family means much more than that. If you next find a satisfying partner or subsequent partners for your personal hormonal physical needs, what do they mean to your child, how does your child relate to them in the future? For me personally it hurts, because I always made a rational mature decision not to have a child if there is a risk to mess their life up or not insure a future for them. I am again sorry to burst your bubble, not all of us can be pinky pink and positive and judt hug you to feel better. Some of us have to tell it like it is...you should have thought better if you love him or not before making him a child...you should have thought about things like devotion and love before you were done with things like "sex"...I am sincerely truly sorry, but in your case I feel with your husband and not yourself...😔

@FindingMyTruth89

Your story is full of pain. This has to be one of the most painfull situations.

I am a guy... I usually see/hear the guys side of the exact same situation. Not sure if what i will tell is even helpfull to the lady in this situation.. I am in the middle of soemthing like this for myself.

In my opinion the issue is on the guys side, and not his fault. In this generation we are taught to be NICE... NICE/nice... and even more nice... Remember Nice and Mean are not always oposites...

He probably provides for you and takes care for you and almost anything else you ask for... BUT NO EXCITMENT!!! and no LUST... If your really done with him, go quickly... his pain will be his. Nothing you can do about it if you want to go. If you feel there is a chance, such as you remember that in the past it was better for some reason.. somehow get him to read NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! by Robert Glover. If it clicks with him, there can be a chance, but small. The only way you could help him is if it clicks with him, then don't test him to hard as he gets going. But eventually he will have to be able to stand... for you to see him in that way.

Pls don't feel bad or more bad than you already do. It is not your fault, it is just how things work. Eventually he would/will notice also, but maybe only in few more years...

Always remember, that the EXCITING guys might never provide for you like this one does... and they might not be true to you. But they will be sexy..

Good Luck.

@FindingMyTruth89

This is very...shockinginly so... close to my situation although Im the husband. Ive read all the commetns as well and all I can say is do what makes you happy. First, your kiddo needs happy parents. I grew up in a house were anger and resentment were the norm and its not good for kids. Two happy parents will mean more than one household. Maybe not til the get older, but it will.

Second, make sure your telling him everything. If in order to get a conversation it has to be the same side asking over and over and it starts to feel ... well not good.... I dont know what word to actual use here. It might hurt him but with the years and life you've built, he deserves to know truth and whats really going on.

Third, I want my situation to get better and stay together which sounds like your husbands position. So again this is just an opinion based on what I am thinking about in a similar situation.

Feel free to message here and I would love to talk back and forth if you need.

@FindingMyTruth89

Hi! I wanted to reply to you, because I find echoes of my situation here. I'm on the receiving end - and unfortunately my wife realised that she is actually deep down more attracted to women, or at least has a closer feeling of intimacy and relationship with them. The reason I think this is similar is because I've had many of the thoughts you express. It makes sense now that it stems from her preference for women, but I also felt that some of my own needs for physical and emotional intimacy were not being met. I was happy to keep going for a variety of reasons... but it was also making me feel unhappy. We actually had very good communication and tried to find ways to meet each other's needs, but some things ultimately can't be changed, even if they're attempted.

I'd also say "it depends". it's possible, if this is a recent change for you, that your husband may put all his effort into finding ways to make it work. But I've also seen it the other way: my brother had similar issues with his wife not expressing intimacy with him, and after a year and a half of really trying to make things better, it just didn't make sense any more. To be fair his ex didn't seem to want to make a change, and had decided that she was a person who doesn't want or need that much physical affection.

In any case, I hear your thoughts and your feelings, and I will keep you in my thoughts as you find your own way through this.