Sad,mad,and confused
So today has started off as possible one of the weirdest days of my life. Started early this morning when I ex-wife got off work. She was crying because the new guy in her life started back off and it looked like he had been talking to other women. She was so hurt and I didn't know what to even say. I was mad at both myself because I am the reason for our divorce and if I hadn't done what I had done she would not be in this situation but I was also mad at this guy. My ex is truly one of the most wonderful people on this earth and this guy is hurting her? But overall I was confused on how to feel,my stomach was in knots and I couldn't get back to sleep. It saddens me to know how much pain I have caused over something so stupid as hating myself
@wolfman77 That does sound like a very complicated set of emotions you are struggling with, and it is okie to feel that way when someone you deeply care for is being hurt by another person. It sounds like you are getting mad both at yourself (for hurting her earlier) and the guy who hurt her, and it is alright to feel that way. I hope you are able to reach out to a listener if you'd like to, we are all here for you. Also I hope that with time you are able to hate yourself a little less. Also is there something that you can do about this situation?
The situation has gotten better for her. They are talking things through and I believe that they are going to be happy together.
@wolfman77 Thank you for the update and I am glad to hear things are better for her now. How do you feel about it all?
I have a lot of feelings about the whole thing. Like she is doing things with this guy that she would never do with me. They are planing a 2 week trip the May and we would have never done that and during that 2 weeks will be my birthday and it will be the first time in a decade and a half where she will not be here and it hurts. She believes that I should never be in a norther relationship. That I deserve to be alone the rest of my life and on one hand I feel the same but on the other I want to some day get to where I can lobe myself and be happy maybe even with someone
@wolfman77 I understand, that sounds like a very very sad situation. It sounds so hurtful not having her at your birthday, and it is yet another hurtful reminder that she isn't close to you anymore. And gosh that sounds like a very very hurtful thing to say that you don't deserve another relationship, and I see why low self esteem might make you feel that way. I am glad to see you still have hope that you'll be able to love yourself and hopefully someone else too. You mentioned a lot of feelings about the whole thing, I am here if you would like to talk about them. *sending comfort cookies*
I am so worried that she is right. I feel so guilty even talking about my feelings with others yet u have nonced that would I do I start to feel better and I don't know what's right. Like what do I have the right to feel. I understand her feelings and why she is so mad at me. On most days I 100 times harder on myself than she will even be and ot makes things easier when she hates me. But I don't want to feel this way anymore.
@lavenderhere I have a question. How important is it to have a support system for moving past things like self-loathing and guilt
@wolfman77 I wish I knew. In my opinion and from my experience, it really really helps to have people who lift you up and help you feel better, support systems are very important. But it might be possible to move past by indulging healthy coping mechanisms and things like hobbies. Maybe try those in addition to having a support systems? We also have a great community here at 7cups so that can help as a support system. If you'd like to, you can access the group support chatrooms here.
I only ask because my ex believes that I do not deserve to have a support system. I want to be better but doing on my own seems daunting and almost pointless. I believe that I can more than what I am and that maybe I can love myself but all her negatively brings me back to a lot of the moments in my life that have lead me to hating myself. I have never used a chat room.
@wolfman77 Gosh I am really sorry to hear she says that...I am glad to see you want to be better and yes on your own it feels difficult, having no motivation and feeling worthless. I am sorry to hear her negativity is affecting you so much, do you think setting boundaries with her might help?
Thank you for your support and advice
@wolfman77 No worries at all, always here for you!
I am not sure of this how this all should work but the last few days have been very hard. I got in to a fight with my ex and I told her that I didn't think it was right for her to control how the rest of life should go. She doesn't believe that I can change and the not only should I never be in a relationship again but that she would try to ruin it if I ever had one. She hates me and rightfully so. I heve hurt her so much all because I wanted her to leave me because I can't accept another's love. Now I all I can think is maybe she right that I am that horrible person I jave believed I am for so long. I feel lost and like I am fighting a fight that I can't win
@wolfman77 I understand she hates you and sabotages your relationships and now you believe you're a terrible person too. Spoiler- you aren't. You see you made a mistake with her, you regret it and learn from it, you aren't planning on hurting someone again. It is okay to make mistakes and you don't seem like you wanted to hurt her. It sounds very unreasonable on her part to act that way- is there a way for you to distance from her and set boundaries on how much she can interfere in your relationships?
Reading your last comment. I feel very sad for you and the situation. You are blaming yourself too much and your Ex is blaming you too much. I also drove my ex away and understands your feeling. But everything that has happen is because of 2 people, its not only your fault. Try to understand people can't control their emotions. With so much confusions has kept me awake for 2 weeks also. Hope you feel better soon.
