Too long
I was married 20 years and have been divorced 7. I am still in love with him. He is not good for me. He is manipulative and very self centered. But, I have not moved on. I had not talked to him in 7 years until our child got sick this summer. I went to take care of her and he went on vacation. Then proceeded to blame me for not keeping him informed about her progress. Some things don’t change. But, I still don’t want to date - but I miss being with someone.
feel like I am losing it.
Pal...that sounds like it was a terrible time for you being married to him. It does sound like he is very self centered given the fact that he blamed you for not keeping him informed. And it does sound like even after so long, you aren't yet comfortable dating. I understand that- sometimes it takes long to heal and move on. I can't blame you after hearing that- I understand.
At the same time it is normal- not wanting to be lonely and having a hand to hold when the nights are cold (oops did it rhyme? That was unintentional hehe)
Connection and love are basic human needs, and your feelings are completely valid. I understand it feels like these two are driving you apart, but I know you got this.
Thank you so much for sharing here and opening up. We all are here for you
I can totally relate to your situation, having a child makes it especially difficult to move on completely. But he does sound like a jerk, he should make time to see and spend time with his kid.
He’s not worth it! But I understand because you spent 20 years together so it’s almost like he’s apart of you. 7 years is a long time, I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with being single but it sounds like you still want him back which you said yourself he is manipulative and self centered. If you’re feeling up to it, have you tried to at least casually date? Or maybe seek therapy? Set a good example for your daughter that you can be a strong independent woman without him. I agree that life is a little easier when you have someone but he is not the right one!