Obsessive Focus Over Self-Love
[The following is just my opinion, not presented as ‘the truth’, if that exists and whatever it's supposed to mean. Not everyone would relate and context is important - it wouldn't apply in everyone's situations either.]
Self-Love in the media and by people is sold off as the ‘one ultimate cure’ and way of living that would supposedly ‘fix/fulfill’ majority if not all of your needs, wants, struggles and what not.
- Relationships and People are as much Important.
‘Love yourself first/more’ and that would solve things or make them better. I personally find this an irrational statement to make. There is supposedly a trend to be independent, not have or display needs or being human at all, etc. which on one end is helpful for people striving to be self-reliant but is also not helpful to discourage people from finding and developing meaningful social connection.
Humans have always been and will be social beings, and thus have social needs. It is not wrong to seek relationships, love, care and validation from others just because you can provide some of that to yourself. I suppose telling people to refrain from relationships until they have ‘learnt to love themselves / are healed (which is idealistic)’ is ridiculous. Healing involves a lot of social factors and help too.
Sure, self-love can be important but it is not everything, it does not have to come first. We thrive in relationships and meaningful connections, we love ourselves better in the presence of others and definitely lead better and healthier lives in general in positive social settings.
- Self-Love is More Than what it Looks on the Surface.
I think things like journaling, affirmations and self-validation are only a part of self-love and self-care. It is so much more than these, which can be important, too. It involves striving to do better, radical self-acceptance, it does not mean focusing on just yourself, it does not mean the world revolves only around you and to reduce the importance of others in your lives.
Lives and people are more complex than having self-love being imposed as the quick or even not quick but a fix over problems in their lives.
Discussion Questions
- What is your idea of self-love?
- How much does it matter to you to love yourself, if at all?
- How much do relationships (of all kinds) matter to you, if at all?
- Is there anything else you'd like to share in this context?
Feel free to answer any to all questions and participate! Thank you. ^^
Let's remember to keep the discussion respectful and use constructive language, whether or not and how much we agree should not matter when it comes to decency. Also, again, these are just my opinions and perspectives and it's hard to find stuff like resources/articles/research on the internet to share or back things up because it's not mainstream. 😛
@theriverissinging interesting topic, Riv! 😊👍
I agree, obsessive self-love may be too much. Yet, to some extent it's crucial in a relationship.
- What is your idea of self-love? For me, it's more than a soothing self-talk, and it's not about being full of ourselves.
it's about making time and efforts to take care of ourselves, to not being neglectful to ourselves. Physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually etc.
- How much does it matter to you to love yourself, if at all? It matters. I may not be able to support and love another well, if I don't take care of myself well.
- How much do relationships (of all kinds) matter to you, if at all? My immediate family matters. Unconditionally. People matters. Romantic partner matter with a condition 😂 (it's my heart I put on the table!)
Edit: I deleted the last parts because it may sounds inconsiderate, but never my intention 🤍 I know what it feels like to not be able to take care of ourselves, and I'd do the extra miles to help others get up and go again. But to lie, is different 😊
I will agree there is an obsession about this now... while some people may have needed a reminder or lessons on putting themselves first occasionally........ it went over board IMO.
Self love can be simply taking care of your needs and not putting your self last which is what many women seem to do but it has created a bunch of people who now cannot relate in relationship correctly because they feel it is all about them.
with a healthy self love you can show confidence and drive but as with anything too much of something ....... changes the story
I feel relationships of all sorts are important but so many strive for qunitity over quality and at best maintain superficial ones.
@theriverissinging Thank you for posting this topic. It is very interesting.
I agree, self-love is important, but it is not everything. If balance is important for our mental health, then I believe it is equally important with self-love. It could be unhealthy to tune everything else out in the name of self-love, but everyone's situation and circumstances are different. Everyone has to do what's best for themselves.
I don't believe that self-love is necessarily selfish or narcissistic, but some may not practice self-love because of cultural or religious beliefs that suggest that a love of oneself is wrong. Interestingly, I could see many people in my life abhorring the phrase 'self-love' haha.
Also, life has a way of not allowing us to make ourselves first---whether we want to or not. :) We live in a world where we often have very little time for ourselves and self-love can become very basic or non-existent.
There are times in my life when I have become almost robotic, if that makes sense. You are just going through the motions of life. At times like that, I think it's very important to start practicing a little self-love so you don't lose yourself entirely. At the same time, it is very hard to change our routines and mindsets. Self-love can feel very foreign to someone who's never put themselves first.
I believe self-love can have almost a limitless meaning (depends on the person's view, it could be explored on many different levels), but I see it as finding a way to be good to yourself, make yourself smile, and giving yourself the freedom to take a break.
