What does a healthy relationship look like?
Heya lovely people! Today we have a really important and amazing topic to discuss - What does a healthy relationship look like?
healthy relationship, whether it's romantic, brotherly or friendly is when each person is allowed room to grow, unjudged and still loved.
A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on:
• Mutual respect
• Trust
• Honesty
• Support
• Fairness/equality
• Separate identities
• Good communication
• A sense of playfulness/fondness
However, it's not limited to only these. There are several factors which ensure a healthy relationship between two people. Point to be considered is, no relationship is completely healthy, it might have one or the other thing missing.
While in a healthy relationship you:
• Take care of yourself and have good self-esteem independent of your relationship
• Maintain and respect each others individuality
• Maintain relationships with friends and family
• Have activities apart from one another
• Are able to express yourselves to one another without fear of consequences
• Are able to feel secure and comfortable
• Allow and encourage other relationships
• Take interest in one anothers activities
• Do not worry about violence in the relationship
• Trust each other and be honest with each other
• Have the option of privacy
• Accept influence. Relationships are give and take; allowing your partner to influence you is important; this can be especially difficult for some men.
• Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of even healthy relationships, the difference is how the conflict is handled. Fighting fairly is an important skill you help you have healthier relationships.
Love in such a way, that the person you love feels free.
1. Do you consider your relationship to be healthy? What makes it healthy?
2. If you could give one message to someone who might not have a healthy relationship, what would you say?
3. What according to you is extremely important in any relationship?
Taglist :-
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Love this Ria!!
1. Do you consider your relationship to be healthy? What makes it healthy?
i am not currently in a relationship at this very moment, but my friendships are very healthy! They make me feel supported & valid 
2. If you could give one message to someone who might not have a healthy relationship, what would you say?
You deserve someone who supports you and who makes you feel good <3 you are so worthy of love and endless support
3. What according to you is extremely important in any relationship?
to me it is being a give and take. That there is mutual support to both sides
@AveryLove
Aw yay I'm glad to hear that your friendships are healthy! It's really important to feel supported and valid. That's such a sweet message Avery, thanks for sharing it. I love how you view relationships, it's definitely a give and take one, both the people should mutually support each other! Thanks for sharing your views! ❤
@Moana22
1. Do you consider your relationship to be healthy? What makes it healthy?
I consider my relationship healthy because I feel safe and heard. Both me and my girlfriend respect each other's boundaries, personal space, and take care of each other. I always try to be mindful and understanding of her needs for mental health care, her needs to be with family and friends, and respect her need for time alone. But whenever she says she wants me around, I'll be there for her and vice versa! Last Friday, we got a presentation at school about unhealthy, abusive, or violent relationships. So, to be sure, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you feel safe being in a relationship with me?" And she said, "Absolutely." That's how I know we're on the right track!
2. If you could give one message to someone who might not have a healthy relationship, what would you say?
"Relationships are tough, and you will not always get along with everyone. You will have your share of arguments, fights, ignored calls, and all of that. But once it gets to the point where you fel threatened, disrespected, and especially when it comes to your partner being violent, hitting you, making you cry or feel scared, that's NOT healthy! And there's a way out. There's hope, and there's help. Everyone deserves happiness and true love! And if you haven't found it yet, don't force it and don't rush it. Your time will come when you least expect it... I promise!"
3. What according to you is extremely important in any relationship?
The most important things to me in a relationship are mutual respect, loyalty, and being understanding towards each other. I have my times when I'm not in the best mood, and my girlfriend has her moments. It's normal, it's human! But I know that I will never EVER hit her or insult her. Mutual respect and understanding is SO important... I can't stress it enough.
I have a list that I want to share about signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships.
YOUR PARTNER LOVES YOU IF HE/SHE:
* Makes you feel safe
* Makes you feel comfortable
* Listens to you
* Values your opinions
* Supports what you want to do in life
* Is truthful and honest with you
* Admits to being wrong
* Respects you
* Always tries to understand how you feel
* Likes that you have other friends
* Makes you laugh
* Trusts you
*Treats you as an equal
* Respects your family
* Understands your time alone or with your family
* Accepts you the way you are
IT'S NOT HEALTHY IF HE/SHE:
* Is jealous
* Is possessive
* Tries to control you
* Gets violent, and loses temper quickly
* Is sexually demanding
* Always blames you for everything
* Keeps you from seeing your friends and family
* Makes all the decisions
* Embarrasses you in front of others
* Hits you
* Makes you cry
* Makes you feel afraid
* Takes your money and other personal possessions
* Threatens to leave you if you don't do what you're told
* Teases you (in a mean way), bullies you, and puts you down
@Emirson2018
Thanks for sharing your views Emirson! Feeling safe and heard are extremely important in a healthy relationship. It's awesome that you and your girlfriend respect each other's boundaries and personal space. You seem to be in a very healthy relationship and I'm so glad to hear that! You both are definitely on the right track.
That message was really needed and it is so sweet, thanks for sharing it! Mutual respect, loyalty, and being understanding towards each other are the best signs of a healthy relationship. Even disagreements and arguments are okay as long as they don't get physical! I really like it that both you and your girlfriend have a very deep understanding for each other. So lovely of you to add more signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships, thank you so much!
@Moana22 This is an amazing thread Moana. Loved it. Thank you for creating this and sharing with the community. You are awesome
@ASilentObserver
Aw you're so sweet Obs! Thank you, I'm so happy that you loved it! ❤
@Moana22
I am just realizing how unhealthy my relationship is after realizing my husband has emotionally abused me for years. Until recently, it always took the form of a verbal conversation or disagreement in which he would unload all of his "frustrations" on me. This took the form of criticizing me and blaming me, while rephrasing things I had said out of context or generalizing them. He would get upset if I tried to correct him or say anything until he was finished. If I did correct him, he'd say he didn't remember the details of the original conversation. Usually by this time, I'd be so hurt and confused I couldn't really respond.
The other day he wrote it in an email instead of telling me. By reading it, I saw how he used things I said and twisted the meaning to imply something else. Everything was targeted toward criticizing me and painting him as a victim who is not appreciated. He closed telling me how wonderful I was and that he was doing his best to support me. It had just about every measure of emotional abuse I've read about.
After discussing it, I wrote back and corrected it using "I feel" and "I agree" language. I told him that it was abusive and manipulative, and I would no longer tolerate it. I asked him to please talk to his counselor and show him the email. We've been to counseling for over a year, on and off, and I've worked hard to read what they recommended and put in practice their suggestions. He generally hasn't changed at all. I don't really expect him to change at this point. He did agree to see his counselor and apologized for hurting me, but I don't know if there's anything left to save in our relationship.
@peacefulforest75
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've seen some similar things in my new-ish marriage (almost 2 years) and I'm stressed about it too.
@determinedCoconut5417
I'm sorry to hear that. Is he open to going to counseling? If not, please go without him. I didn't go for a long time because I thought I was the problem and that if I just tried harder or did things right, things would be ok. I was afraid of confiding in him or upsetting him, and even changed my behavior around him to avoid criticism or judgement. He even accused me of being manipulative and abusive. These are all signs of possible abuse.
@peacefulforest75
We went a couple of times after I threatened to leave (I shouldn't have done that). Things got better and we stopped. I'm considering going alone. I need to work on me anyway.
@determinedCoconut5417
I told my husband I wanted a separation because we wanted different things: he said he wanted more automony and independence, and I wanted a closer relationship. While I was looking for a place, he started being more present and supportive. I even went out on a date with an ex-boyfriend and he said he wanted me to do whatever made me happy. I decided to give him another chance, told him I loved him and saw the changes he had made...and then he twisted my words around to attack me. He's giving me space and support now and I'm just trying to heal and decide if I even want to trust him again, since I now see that this form of emotional abuse has been going on for years. I told him he needs to talk to a counselor and he agreed.
@peacefulforest75
I made an appointment with a therapist for this week. I'm ready to figure out my next steps. This morning there was an incident where I felt that my bodily autonomy was not respected and as always, he somehow made his angry reaction my fault. I'm not letting this situation escalate any further. I'm starting to see how unhealthy my marriage is and it makes me sad, but I cant live like this. I stood in my kitchen for 20 minutes yesterday, unable to make my breakfast because I was weighing if he would be more angry that I woke him up with noise in the kitchen or more angry that I didn't fix him breakfast even though he was asleep. I ended up making breakfast for both of us to avoid any anger or confrontation. I'm not sure how I got here, but I know I'm not continuing on this road.
@determinedCoconut5417
I'm happy that you are trying to find a better way forward. I'm in a similar spot of realizing that when you begin changing your behavior based on a fear of what your partner may say or do, that is not a healthy place. For us, it feels like a yo-yo of attacking/criticizing and then statements that he loves me, misses me, and just wants to understand and learn. I'm trying to figure out if it's possible for him to stop the pattern of attacks/criticism, or if he wants to.
@peacefulforest75
Right?!? Like, does he really not know what he's doing, or does he know exactly what's what? I saw an article from Huffpost yesterday about the 9 habits of healthy relationships and I don't think we do any of those 9 things well, but in his opinion, we are ok on about 4 and that's enough. Even if we were perfect 50% of the time, we are only half healthy and that's not enough for me. I don't know if he can see it and is in denial or just wants to pretend things are ok so he doesn't have to work on anything.
I came home to dinner cooking yesterday and he had applied for 8 jobs (he's unemployed right now), but it took a big emotional fight to get that to happen. I'll take the improvements for now and time will tell if they last.
@determinedCoconut5417
So we are partially separated at the moment, as in alternating staying in the house with our son or staying elsewhere. Occasionally we've had dinner together as a family. Lately we've been emailing each other rather than having an in-person discussion, and that has helped a lot by slowing down the conversation. We each wait a day or two to respond, and that also helps because we're able to think through how we feel and what we want to say rather than just respond. I don't know how/if we'll get back together without returning to the old bad habits, but right now we are working through some of our issues and sticking points.
Obviously communication is a big problem for us, and we need to work on improving our everyday communication (so little things don't build up) and our conflict resolution (so we can solve problems without hurting each other). I am finally seeing my husband use some of the communications strategies we've learned in counseling, after years of feeling like I was the only one putting in the work for our relationship. We shall see...my guess is that a big part of it will be me refusing to get pulled into debates and standing up for my needs.
@peacefulforest75
Oh no, I'm so sorry Forest. Emotional abuse is really hard to recognize and we usually cannot figure out how exactly it takes place. Letting your frustrations out on your partner but doing it excessively can be extremely distressing. It's really obvious why you'd feel hurt and confused due to all that is happening. I think the main part about emotional abuse is that sometimes we often see ourselves at fault as our partner makes us feel like it. Relationships are built upon mutual efforts, and blaming your partner for things can be really unhealthy.
I think you're doing the best on your part! Connecting to a counsellor and letting him know how his behaviour is hurting you is important and communicating your needs in a relationship is extremely rewarding and necessary for both the people. It's really good that you take your counsellor's suggestions and have tried working on them. It can be hard to expect someone to change but usually when we love someone we hope they do. I hope you have a good interaction with the counsellor and things work out for the best. Thanks for sharing this with us, we know it can be hard and we're here to support you with it.
I read this quote recently and just wanted to add - "The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal." Take care of yourself and feel free to reach out to us if you just need to talk to someone.
@Moana22
Thank you. Right now I'm just trying to heal and recognize things I do in response to the past abuse...like always apologizing even if I didn't do anything wrong, avoiding confrontation with him or doing things he doesn't like, etc. I don't know if I should hope/wait for him to change or simply move on. He did recognize what he did and agrees to talk to his counselor about it, so I'm not going to do anything now. I'm staying at a friend's place for now.
1. Do you consider your relationship to be healthy? What makes it healthy?
it has been rough but now yes. It is very healthy bc we've learned how to fully trust each other how to communicate and support each other. We've learned when to walk away from each other during disagreements and learned most importantly how to forgive ourselves and each other.
2. If you could give one message to someone who might not have a healthy relationship, what would you say?
Take a big step back and just think would you like your children to think that an unhealthy relationship is normal? That is what we both did. Now decide mutually if you want to fight to make it healthy together. And it has to be together bc if one isn't willing to it's not going to work.
3. What according to you is extremely important in any relationship?
NEVER forget to date each other every chance you get. Just bc you're married/living together/parents etc. does not mean you forget to be a couple, lovers friends etc. woo each other every single day. THIS has tremendously helped and saved my marriage.
@LPyMP
Thank you so much for your response!
Relationships can have rough days, I'm sorry it has been like that for a while. I'm so glad that it's very healthy! Trust is really important in any relationship to communicate properly and support each other with everything. Disagreements can be hard to handle but it's amazing that you have worked out what works best for both of you. Forgiving is very important!
"Take a big step back and just think would you like your children to think that an unhealthy relationship is normal? That is what we both did. Now decide mutually if you want to fight to make it healthy together. And it has to be together bc if one isn't willing to it's not going to work." - Thank you so much for this!
And omg I love the last thing you said! - "NEVER forget to date each other every chance you get. Just bc you're married/living together/parents etc. does not mean you forget to be a couple, lovers friends, etc. woo each other every single day. THIS has tremendously helped and saved my marriage."
You have shared valuable experience and I am really glad that you got to learn so many things from your marriage, also that you're in a healthy marriage yourself!