Am I thinking too much into it?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 months at this point. She seems very comfortable with me and I love that, however, I don’t really feel like she’s full invested in me the way I am her.
I am a very affectionate person in general, compliment her all the time, do things for her all the time, and though I don’t expect it back…it does make me wonder if she just likes the attention she’s getting from me versus actually loving me. We have sex regularly, but her kisses are very short and her demeanor towards me feels like it has changed. She tells me all the time she loves me, but when I tell her I love her, it’s never typically said back unless in person (part of me feels like she feels pressured to say it).
However, we kind of had a weird week last week and I’ve spent almost every day with her this week. It was fine at first, she was very lovey, cuddly, and wanted me to be there’s even talked about future plans with me and us. It made me feel elated, but as the week went on she got more distant. I could tell yesterday she didn’t want to really talk over text, and she was busy at work which is fine…but at the beginning of us seeing each other I couldn’t go 30 seconds without my phone going off because of her. Now it’s very seldom. I feel like I'm always making the initiative and get nothing in return. I buy her nice things always and take her out because that is how I express love sometimes is through gift giving. I don’t expect that back but I want to know she cares and gives me attention.
what do I do?
I feel like and this is in everyday circumstances, but I feel like I give and give and give and give, but nobody takes the time to show me appreciation. Not so much with my girlfriend but just in general. Again, she always tells me she’s appreciative of me and all that I do…but sometimes I want to see actions and not just hear words! Am I wrong for this?
I understand how you feel, it can be hard when you feel like a relationship is half hearted and somehow it feels like you’re giving more doesn’t it? I can feel that you both love each other but it seems to me that your love languages and your expectations of how to be loved do not match. Try to internalize what type of love you expect your girlfriend to do, try to think what actions of her triggered negative emotions on you, then communicate with her nicely, ask her if she could try to do that for you? If she could help you meet your needs? Tell her when this happens it makes you feel that. But don’t try to blame her, make this communication about you and your feelings and how she can help you through it.
ex.
”Honey can we talk about something that has been bugging me for a while? I feel sad because I feel like you’re distant from me. I love long kisses and I love you so much that I’d be elated to receive them from you. But somehow I feel like our kisses are short and it makes me feel that you don’t love me as much as I do and it makes me feel bad because I know and you’ve said to me that you do love me. But I have this need that needs to be met and you could help me with it, what do you think? Could you perhaps kiss me longer please?”
Good luck and I wish you all the best!
I think many struggle with this .... it is not always equal as one partner seems to put more effort in plans and small details and the other one who may say they appreciate gestures ......ACTIONS speak way louder and stay with you as affirmation of their feelings.
I know many advise to bring it up in conversation or they express differently etc but in reality i have tried talking and now it feels like he does things out of obligation not cause he wants to that feels like a slap in the face. it builds resentment and i find myself keeping score and frankly it kills the intimacy and underlying feelings.