Be honest: Is it actually my fault?
I was in a long distance relationship with my “bf” for 1.5 years. In January 2021 we started dating, then March 2021 my grandma passed. I can’t remember much from that time. But from what I was told by my bf was that I was being cold and distant and would lash out. I was also told that I was abusive, verbally..so in August 2022..he cheated on me with my sister. If I’m being mean for that long does that mean I made him do that?
i don’t remember being mean. I remember him gaslighting me..making me feel stupid, and I’d get fed up and then lash out…I’ve tried to break it off before the cheating…
I just don’t know…am I really the reason for the cheating? Did I actually force him to do that?
@passionateWatermelon5611 If he gaslit you before, why would it be any different with the cheating?
he made a choice to cheat on you for whatever reason. I don't think it's your fault, he could have found other ways to deal with it, he could have broken up with you and done that with someone else instead of your sister. Just sounds like he was clueless and selfish. I mean why with her, she is your sister after all and wasn't she also suffering because of your grandma.... it's just, weird.
@passionateWatermelon5611 also just want to point somethig out. If this is how he made you feel: "i don’t remember being mean. I remember him gaslighting me..making me feel stupid, and I’d get fed up and then lash out…I’ve tried to break it off before the cheating…" believe it or not, he is the one abusing you, not the other way around.
Sounds to me like he caused you to doubt yourself, to the point that you got angry and lashed out. Why? everything happens for a reason. I don't care what other people say, there is always a reason and explanation behind even a subconscious behavior, everything else is BS.
And the reason I am telling you this is that I was involved with someone who was causing a lot of hurt and I was angry and lashing out. Meanwhile he would accuse me of being negative after he caused the behaviors in me. So yeah, no, just forget it.
@passionateWatermelon5611
no ,.....
it had nothing to do with you he chose that and wants to blame you.... pure and simple. If does not mean if you are distant mean or otherwise bothered for him to cheat ..... and what sort of person is your sister who would do that to you?
I am soo sorry u are going through this and it is not your fault at all and he does not love u and u should move on and I would be *** at my sister did that to me and would cut ties with her( I don't recommend that tho)
