He kissed another girl
Hi,
I have a story to share.
I am with my boyfriend for 6 months and 3 months ago he cheated on me with another girl. It was like this - or he told me this. He has 2 girl friends and they were partying. One of them got very drunk and he walked her home, cause she was so drunk. It was very late and he had to go to work in like 3 hours and her apartement was close to his work, so he decided to stay here and sleep at her place. As he was sleeping, she got on top of him and started to kiss him. He said, that at first he didnt get that hey were kissing cause he was tired and drunk also, but then he stopped. There were also some touching but he claims that he had boxers on and they did not sleep together. He is very sorry. I know he loves me and he does not feel anything for her, but it is very hard to forget this. I think all the time about what they did and what if hes not telling me the whole true. What sould i do to get through this? I dont want to loose him.
@Alphi well this isn't an easy situation. I understand your dilemma. On one hand, he has confided in you himself, otherwise you would never have known. On the other hand is the fact that something of infidelity did take place. Im no one to advice but I'd say pay attention to your intuition. How do you feel around him. If you feel normal and happy and trust him I guess all is well. If you are no longer the same, it is a sign I suppose. Give it time. Perhaps things will sort through on their own. Stay strong.
@Alphi
The thing about cheating is, it always makes you more conscious and alerts you to the ways in which you [might] be wrong for each other.
He went out partying the night before he has work. He leaves the party drunk and only hours before he is supposed to be at work, with a girl who is not his partner. OK someone might say ‘Well she was his friend, and she was drunk also! He did the ‘right’ thing to walk her home!’ But if she is a true friend, she would not have disrespected his relationship by doing what she did. So obviously she had intentions when she went home with him.
And honestly from what the situation looks like, he wasn’t behaving in a way that suggests absolute loyalty to you either. He is making himself out to be some kind of a gentleman by walking his ‘friend’ home, but it was beyond obvious that with two drunk people in bed together ‘one thing was going to lead to another’ and that ‘something’ improper was very probably going to happen.
Did he sleep with her or not? Guess what -? It’s irrelevant! That he put himself in that compromising position to begin with already tells you that he was inviting the possibility of infidelity, and left that door open. And is it possible that he was leading his friend all night to think that it would be acceptable if she happened to make a move? Did they both get drunk just to make it more acceptable to conveniently excuse their behaviour?
If he was certain in his relationship with you, he wouldn’t behave in ways that make you doubt. He wouldn’t behave in ways that would lead others [such as his friend] to believe that he was available, or receptive to physical intimacy from them. He wouldn’t place himself in precarious positions that what would compromise his relationship with you in any way, and then use intoxication as an excuse.
Maybe he does love you. And maybe you love him. But a relationship is not just about ‘love’. It’s about maintaining your boundaries and respecting your partner, and the decisions you make; not just when your partner is present but especially when they are not present. It’s what they do when their partners are not present watching their every move that tells you the most about the relationship, about who your partner really is.
CatsInTheCradle
I at first would agree completely with another poster that getting super drunk when he needs to go to work in 3 hours and putting himself in that situation with a drunk girl was careless.
The reality is for some.... situations that others would think is in a grey area ... it seems innocent and normal the fact he told you i do not think it was intentional but a series of bad decisions.
perhaps you should examine if he is making smart choices in general.....
@Alphi,
he was totally honest and open to you.
Meaning he trusts you, he loves you. Otherwise he would have kept his mouth shut.
You should cherish someone like that.