How to feel hopeful about dating as a guy who has been unsuccessful in it so far?
Hello everyone, hope your day is going well. I am a 23 year-old guy who is somewhere between the phases of being a student and an employee, and there's something that discourages me from time to time.
The thing is, I have found I am maybe bit of a hopeless romantic type (please focus on the phrase 'bit of a'). It's because I really look forward to having a fulfilling and beautiful romantic relationship with someone I really desire, and want to see us both happy in it. I feel like I really value romantic relationships a lot.
Only that I have never been successful in scoring one so far. Firstly, since childhood, I have felt I am not one of those guys whom girls prefer usually. Then, there was once I met this girl online with whom I felt so much connection and compatibility, that it made me feel she is the one, but sadly she never liked me back romantically, although she valued me so much as a friend. I never resent her, but I have become more discouraged after this rejection.
Add to that, the fact that I am socially anxious and find myself uncomfortable in talking to women. I also don't know how to socialize in a way that helps you meet new women from time to time. So, I feel kinda discouraged and hopeless about ever finding the kind of connection I want to. I always miss the connection with the girl who didn't like me back ,and then I always again remember I can't find ways to connect to women, which further decrease my chances of finding any such connection again, which in turn makes me more discouraged.
How do I keep myself encouraged and hopeful in these circumstances?
feeling this way is more common than you think so don’t feel alone. I am an introvert and have difficulty meeting people. I joined dating apps for a few years and initially would rarely meet people outside of the app due to fear of rejection. Then one day i decided that I needed to change. So I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I went on a bunch of dates. I felt this really helped me “practice”.. my social anxiety got a bit better and eventually I did meet the one. I guess my advice to you is to know that you can increase the probability of meeting “the one” by meeting more people in general. Just know that rejection does not mean defeat and that everyone experiences that. Try using dating apps to go on more dates to improve your social skills.
@gregariousLake4824 I am sorry you are struggling with this. You're really young and have plenty of time. I also struggle with social anxiety, so it might be helpful to see a counselor about that if you can.
Just remember, women are people too. Maybe don't feel like you have to be Brad Pitt lol but focus on women that have things in common with you that you could have fun with. If you like music, talk to other women who like music. If you like the outdoors, talk to women who like camping, etc.
Also unfortunately, rejection is a common part of dating. It is definitely a rough blow sometimes, but unfortunately there's a bit of trial and error of putting yourself out there a bunch until somebody is a good match. :)
@gregariousLake4824
First of all you are NOT alone
many male and female great people attractive people .... seemingly stuck in the friend zone......
i used to look around at others who literally were married a few times and thought ... she was lucky to nab one let alone more then one person i did not see what the attraction was...
she was a very open an authentic person who did not try to fit anyone's idea of something .... i see NOW that my true relationships i was simply NOT attracted at first but had made a huge connection just being me ..... and they were also very authentic .
the harder you look ...............or if you have an picture in your head of a type or what you think you want you will be forever searching for a person to fill that role ......and be discouraged in not finding that one
when you meet a certain person and have not considered the notion of falling for them ...... you may look up and think i see it now ......
once you see who they are ...... something shines past their imperfect hair cut or any superficial other flaws others may see...... but we are told attraction first then get to know them .... the other way around often is the ones that last.
