Tell me I’m wrong for assuming this?
I am Catholic. I am trying to really hard to stay following my faith. In marriage, we believe in not using any contraceptives. I do not believe in that because I’m not ready for kids for like the first few years. But I have to follow my religion rules. I’m engaged right now. I have to follow NFP (natural family planning) by tracking my cycle & only being intimate during my infertile times. My fiancé knows about this & has known since the middle/end of august. He is having trouble accepting this & I understand why. But I have been tracking for months & I know my safe days. & he keeps telling me he can do it but then keeps asking me how sure I am that we won’t get pregnant. I keep reassuring him because I’m used to tracking now. Because he wants to marry me but is just overthinking. He told me he was fine with it a few weeks ago but then last night he kept telling me, “this is really hard to follow through with” & I told him I understood. We’ve done this once & I did not end up pregnant & I was trying to reassure him that we would be okay. He then said, “okay yeah but that’s only one time. What about the future times?” & I kept trying to reassure him but he kept saying it was too hard to follow through with and that he needed to know that nothing would happen. So I took it as him leaving me. I stopped trying to reassure him & said, “okay. If this is you telling me you can’t continue this, then I understand. I’m sorry this was complicated, I never wanted to be. I’ll let you go. Goodnight” & he said “I’m not trying to end things. I was just trying to talk to you. I was trying to talk through this with you & have you help me through it. Why would you say that”. But I DID try to help him through it. I tried to reassure him that we would be fine but he kept asking “what about this” or “what about that” & then said that it was too hard to follow through. So now he’s upset with me because I thought he was trying to leave me. I told him, “good morning, baby. I love you” he completely ignored me & said “good morning” because he’s still upset with me. What the heck?? Didn’t it seem like he was breaking up with me? And I don’t care to hear anyone’s opinions on my religious views.
Like I was trying to tell him that I understood if he wanted to leave. I was giving him an out. And he got upset with me, now he’s giving me the cold shoulder because he was just “trying to talk to me” but he was arguing with everything I said saying that it was “too hard to follow through with”. I tried to help him through it until I didn’t have anything else to say. Idk what to do or if I’m in the wrong here.
@emotionalSpruce7886 Thank you for reaching out. I am starting to be open to listening long term for any issues. Please feel free to message and I'll be happy to listen and acknowledge what you're doing through. Peace. x
@emotionalSpruce7886 it sounds like you have very different views, and at some point you'll need to adress that. He's worried about using natural methods because they're proven to be far less safe than hormonal/barrier methods, and you want to rely on natural methods. Right now, you would benefit from an open and honest conversation about whether you're willing to accept the other's will or not. He seems to care about you and that's why he doesn't want to end the relationship and would rather convince you instead: at this point, though, you'll need to settle once and for all what is negotioable for you and what is not. Only then you'll be able to decide whether your choices are compatible and not, and if they aren't, ending the relationship will be the natural result. But until then, until you've all set your limits clearly, there can be only specaulation, confusion and misunderstanding that will hurt you both
@emotionalSpruce7886
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. First, I want you to understand that the advice we’re giving here is based on what you’re describing to us and our own experiences but it’s up to you to decide how well it applies to you. Personally, “this is really hard to follow through with” means that he’s still having concerns about accepting what you’re saying or asking of him and not that he doesn’t want to be with you. I get your perspective as well about giving him an out if he’s not comfortable with this. Is it possible that one of your reasons for assuming he’s ending things with you is frustration with him constantly questioning what you’re saying?
it would be understandable if it is as long as it’s something you communicate to him. I think both of you would benefit from an honest and open conversation about your needs and concerns. Every relationship needs some level of adjustment and understanding on the part of both people but it’s also important to be clear on what your boundaries are.
It also seems like he’s having trouble expressing his concerns clearly to you, maybe because of his personality or your dynamics. It might be helpful to ask him specifically how he feels about unprotected sex, about having kids. It might help to even make a plan for what happens if you do get pregnant since that is likely the worst case scenario for him. I understand that you have religious views about contraception but unless he shares those views, he’s thinking from a more practical standpoint. The only guaranteed way to avoid getting pregnant is abstinence but contraceptives definitely lower the risk considerably. Even if you’re watching your cycle, there aren’t any times when you’re infertile, just less fertile, so a pregnancy isn’t out of the question. If you’re okay with that, that’s your business but it’s important that he’s also okay with it as your partner. Based on what you’re saying it sounds like he might not be okay with that.